


Call My Name

by potatooneandtwo



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blind Character, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Jae curses alot in the beginning, M/M, Slow Burn, idk what i wrote tbvh, only temporary
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-28
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:06:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 40,867
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22941472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/potatooneandtwo/pseuds/potatooneandtwo
Summary: I was blind and the dark ate me alive, gnawing and slow. But you came, like a welcoming summer breeze, as both the moon and the sun in the cloudless sky. A constant presence even in the late night and a reminder of a new day to try again. And because you’re here and I too, I was able to become the stars you say reflects in your eyes whenever you look at me. So stay with me, don’t go anywhere.Alternative Summary:“What's in a name? That which we call a rose. By any other name would smell as sweet.” -William Shakespeare, Romeo and JulietBut a name is a name. A person’s identity and their very first possession. It may not be anything out of the ordinary, especially with the possible number of people you might share it with, but nonetheless it is your own, something that is yours.And perhaps, it only becomes special with the tender utterance by a treasured someone.And perhaps, that’s why Wonpil wants nothing more than have Jae say his name.If only he knew.Chinese trans by @hismoody: https://m.weibo.cn/status/4505218266542434
Relationships: Kim Wonpil/Park Jaehyung | Jae, Park Jaehyung | Jae/Original Character(s)
Comments: 159
Kudos: 171





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> em back with this mess of a plot 😅 (it's starting to haunt me tbh ( ◎⃝⃘∀◎⃝⃘ )) 
> 
> may you enjoy!~
> 
> btw this will have IRREGULAR UPDATES sorry in advance
> 
> (not proofread too klsksjad)

**KWP**

“Pil, _please._ ”

Wonpil sighs at the pitiful begging - _if you could even call it that-_ and gives the slightly taller man across the table an exasperated glance. “I said _no_ , Wonshik.”

Kim Wonshik is his younger twin brother who just said – _yes, said not ask_ \- the most ridiculous favor he has ever heard. And he has heard a lot of those. Being in the service crew of how many odd jobs he had, he has heard a lot.

“I have how many jobs again?” He groans rhetorically, consciously picking on the skin of his rough hands –a stark contrast to the smooth surface of the table. Seeing the blank look on Wonshik’s face, Wonpil explains “How am I supposed to take care of _your_ boyfriend-“

“Quit.”

Wonpil gapes in disbelief _is he serious?_ But his brother continues with beaming eyes –the one he wears when he thinks he just thought of the _brightest_ idea “Don’t worry! I’ll pay you if money is the problem.”

He gapes some more - _that wasn’t the point?_ “ _What?_ Are you serious?”

“Of course I can cover for you! It’s just for a few weeks or so.”

“Wonshik-“ He stops and exhales slowly before trying again “Doesn’t he have a family-“

His brother cuts him off, carelessly waving a dismissive hand “He doesn’t.”

Wonpil stares hard at his brother, unblinking. He was astounded by the amount of nonchalance his brother has while talking about _his boyfriend,_ so when the younger opened his mouth to spew some more – _surely equally_ ridiculous notions- he beat him to it “Then why can’t _you_ do it?”

“Because!” _The audacity to roll his eyes at me!_ “The program starts next weekend and my flight is tomorrow. It will run for a month, I just told you.”

He had to subtly bite his inner cheek at that. Wonpil’s so proud of his brother –don’t get him wrong- but at the same time- _Wonshik’s going to far off places, and I’m still stuck here, wherever here is._ Pushing himself to give his attention back to Wonshik –because _now is not the time to be pitiful_ \- he notices the puppy dog eyes he was never strong enough to say no to since they were potty training and gives up “I just have to take care of him right?”

The younger sheepishly scratches his ear - _what now?-_ and explains slowly “You’re going to pretend that you are… _me.”_

“Excuse me?” He pressures with a glare _does this boy hear himself?_ And upon seeing that he might not, Wonpil did his best to keep his arms to his sides and not shake his twin opting to ask again instead “Are _you_ serious?”

“I am!” Wonshik huffs, looking offended that he was being taken lightly. “You’ll be living with him. I already covered your apartment lease for this year, it’s no problem-“

“That’s it!” he stands up and moves to get his jacket draped on the back of his seat _I took a day-off to hear stupid shit? He’s basically commanding my life out of the blue!_ “You are crazy Wonshik. I’m leaving.”

His right arm was halfway in the sleeve and he was already pulling his shoes out from the cabinet using the other, when he hears his twin let out a loud whine from where he came from. Then he was being pulled back to face him. “Pil, please? Jaehyung only has me here and if I don’t –if _we don’t_ do this- it will break his heart.”

_Not my problem!_

Wonpil can feel the incoming headache from the absurdity of what he’s hearing. Rubbing his temples, he patiently returns “Wouldn’t lying to him break _both_ his heart and trust?”

“Not when he thinks it’s me.” The younger shrugs.

“Wonshik, I’m sorry but _what the fuck?”_ Counting from ten, Wonpil holds in his tongue. Nothing would come out if he says things when he’s overwhelmed. And it’s not like he can actually get mad at his brother. _But it’s getting tempting._

His twin whines again, reaching for his hand. Directly looking at him, Wonshik tries one more time “Please Pil. Please? _For me_?”

_God I hate those words._

Biting his bottom lip, Wonpil debates for a bit then deflates and yields. “How is he even going to be convinced I am you?” He tries to return the smile Wonshik gratefully sends him. _He couldn’t._ “We’re twins sure, but we’re not exactly identical.”

Wonshik is the soft-featured one and painted lighter between the two of them, with his chestnut hair, pale skin and honey eyes. While on the other hand, he’s all sharp angles, he’s brunet, beige colored and has dark eyes. He leans more on petite compared to his younger twin, who has broad shoulders and had few inches over him.

And that was just the beginning of how different they are.

“Jaehyung’s blind.” Wonshik shares “But only temporary. He was caught in an accident; his eyes kind of took the damage.”

Wonpil blinks in incredulity “And you're going to leave him still? _With a stranger_?”

“No take backs you already agreed Pil!”

“When did I- _argh!_ Fine!”

“Yes!” Wonshik hugs him for a brief moment then pulls away to excitedly continue “Anyways, besides our hair and eye color, we have an almost same bone structure. I'm sure that little break on your nose won't be noticed.” He unconsciously rubs his nose at that “Use your lower register too okay? That way we'd sound alike.”

Wonpil was about to say something when the younger shoves something to his chest “Here's my phone,” barely catching it, he sighs with a tight grip around the handheld _can’t afford a repair or a replacement if ever_ “there’s a list there of what I think you need to know about him and you can use my credit card for expenses. Then-“

While he was inspecting the phone and tries their functions, he remembers a crucial factor why he can’t say yes _to whatever this was_ “What about my jobs though?”

“I already called them actually.” Wonshik slaps his arm with a proud set on his face at his revelation “You have been unemployed for a while now bro!”

“To every single one?” _How can he just meddle with my life without batting an eye?! “_ Wonshik-!”

“Don't worry Pil, I found replacements as per their request to grant your resignation. They won’t bother you.”

“Wonshik-“ _that’s beside the point!_ Clenching his fists, he grinds down on his molars but knowing there was nothing he could do anymore, not when his brother has made decisions for him _again -for his convenience-_ and even _for something as outrageous as this_ he sighs in defeat _“_ You are far too prepared for this.”

The younger bounces with a proud smirk. “Of course! It’s me after all.”

* * *

Things to know:

Name: Park Jaehyung

Born: September 15

Misc.

-Best friend is B- something (don’t remember his name lol)

-Millions of allergies (he has meds don’t worry)

-Taking his science related master’s degree in X uni

-Likes computer and mobile games

-Eats a lot

**[09:47] Shik -.-:** g’luck bro! jus txt me if u hv more qs

 **[09:48] Shik -.-:** cant prmise immediate rply tho lol

 **[09:48] Shik -.-:** xoxo

“Freaking helpful.” He mutters with a face palm, the other gripping his backpack strap “I am doomed.”

He was standing in front of Park Jaehyung’s hospital room. As he had gathered from the too friendly hospital staff -who doesn’t seem to know what patient confidentiality is- when he asked for directions, that the man had undergone surgery, no one else visited him except that one tall, sharp-eyed guy in his first week, the fees are diligently paid and that he was supposed to be discharged yesterday.

_Stupid Wonshik, he probably mixed up the dates._

Lacing his hands together in a futile attempt to stop them from shaking, he counted down from ten before sliding the door open.

The room looked like every other hospital room, there were three other beds but Park Jaehyung was the only occupant, lying inclined and head towards the window. His bags were packed and are just by the foot of his bed.

But he turns at the hearing the door slide close. Wonpil halts, scared until he noticed the bandage wrapped around his eyes, messing his light brown hair.

“Who is it?”

“Uhh-“ _Oh right. Lower register. Use lower register._ “Uhm- Jae… _hyung?_ ”

_How do Shik even call him?_

It was silent - _was he caught already?-_ then Jae moves to sit up.

Wonpil can feel his eyebrows furrowing, eyeing the way the other’s shoulder seem to tense up “Never thought you'd actually come Shik.”

_Is he angry?_

“O-Of course-” he coughs, _lower register!_ “-I'd come I’m your-“

The guy smirks, cruel and almost resigned as he lied back down and went back to staring at the window “Whatever.”

_Well, not staring but- ugh, this is awkward._

_How do you even act around your lover?_

See, he might be the older twin, but Wonshik has far more life experiences than he had. In school, work or social life. He had none of those. If he had, it would probably be far in between and few.

Basically, he has been living a boring, looped life.

_If only…_

Taking in the sight of his twin’s boyfriend, he entertained the thought that if Wonshik hadn’t ask him of this would he have experience something akin to having someone to treasure and for you to treasure back?

_Probably not._

* * *

**PJH**

He doesn’t remember much about the accident.

All he could recollect is that it was a late evening, he was tired and drained from revising his thesis and suddenly there was a blindingly bright light and then nothing. The doctor says he was lucky to get away with minor bruises and sprain and no memory of it. They said it’s probably just his brain protecting him from the trauma.

But he remembers waking up groggy from all the medications, disoriented and dark. Literally dark.

_Eyes._

_Blind._

_Temporary._

That’s all he heard before a voice mocked him.

Useless.

Burdensome.

_Pitiful._

It has been with him for a while now, that voice. He knows the source and he’s aware it was very much akin to his own. He learned to live with it though because he knows his worth.

Until he didn’t.

And his dog getting sick and had to be quarantined for some time didn’t help at all. Now he’s stuck on this hospital bed, blind and helpless.

_How pathetic._

His best friend was god sent though. Brian took the earliest flight back to the country and stayed with him for the first week but he can only excuse himself from university work for so long.

_Everybody will eventually leave._

Then the nurses said that a _Kim Wonshik_ would be picking him up. Most likely at Brian’s doing. He’s aware his friend was a worrywart –borderline fussy- but this goes way beyond sane levels. “Stupid Bri.”

He wanted to laugh when they relayed the news to him. Because if anything, relationships to Wonshik would probably be somewhere at the bottom of his priorities. The least of his concerns. He knows from experience.

Relationships would be somewhere sandwiched between ‘what’s for dinner’ and ‘rent.’

But to think he would actually be here.

_Why? Suddenly you choose me?_

Pointedly ignoring the other’s presence he lets his thoughts fester, his only companion in such a dark place. Not the best companion, but after hearing those familiar low tones again, it was the lesser evil.

“I- uhh has the doctor visited you yet?” Wonshik begins interrupting his internal paradise. Hearing him walk closer with hesitant steps –an obvious difference to the usual confident taps of his heels- Jae had the urge to scoff _Wonshik? Hesitant?_

He replies with a noncommittal hum. Because he couldn’t accept that. Not that simply.

_Suddenly I matter to you?_

Wonshik can’t just come and go when he wants to. And although somewhere inside him, was a longing for another person, for someone to stay, his pride wouldn’t let him welcome this change from him.

_Fuck that._

Then he was hit with a massive ache making him groan. Belatedly he heard movement again, then a presence was hovering beside him “What is it? Does it hurt?”

“Hm.” Jae replies curtly, still not looking in his direction.

“Do you need me to do something for you?”

“Yes.” He would have been glaring at him if not for the bandage on his eyes “ _Shut up_.”

He was anticipating a snappy remark back, Wonshik after all was never one to be defeated easily. A few beats passed but there was nothing.

“He really shut up.” he notes to himself with surprise, realizing that Wonshik had simply sat down if the sound of cushion squeaking was any indication, and stayed silent. “That’s new.”

He swallows a snicker, letting the initial annoyance wash away and finally relaxes, welcoming the peace. From his surrounding and his head. Since waking up on the stupid hospital bed, it was probably the first time it was quiet that is until he heard an indignant huff.

Not like his usual snobby ‘hmphs’ this one was more like whiny and pouty. There was shuffling, light footsteps then the door slides close gently.

He left. Jae without meaning to, imagines the smaller man go about defeated and lips puckered before leaving.

_That was…oddly cute._

Turning his head the other way, the image from his mind’s eye of Wonshik stomping out like a petulant child fades away. It was replaced by fond memories he treasured…

-

_“Babe are you listening?”_

_“Shik, for the umpteenth time” he laughed there, endeared “I am.”_

_Wonshik beams at him “Right! So we met with the director-“_

_-_

_But…_

Frowning to no one –realizing where his thoughts were going- he lies back down. “No point in remembering.”

* * *

**KWP**

“Wonshik explain.” He deadpans as soon as his brother received the call. He went outside the room when it was clear that Jae would rather melt on the bed than talk to him.

Maybe it was a sibling thing _or he knew and just forgot to tell him_ _such a crucial information_ because with no further explanation from him, Wonshik reassures “We just had a misunderstanding don't worry he'll soften up in no time.” _You left him while you’re fighting?_ “My flight's about to be called I'll notify you when I land.”

“Won-“

“Bye, Pil! Love you!”

**_Click._ **

_Damn it. He is still the same._

“Are you related to Mr. Park?” Wonpil whips his head up to the nurse waiting for his reply.

“I-yes.” He stutters, unused to the unfamiliar word “Boyfriend. Yes.”

“Are you his representative then?”

Clearing his throat, he feigns confidence “Yes, I am.”

The nurse smiles cordially “Good, then please come with me inside so we can discuss Mr. Park’s situation and follow-up measures.”

~

Jaehyung had been silent throughout the discharge process, not even muttering anything to the staff that assisted them. Thus he was left with alternating from profusely apologizing for the man’s callous behaviour to thanking them for their help. Honestly, the taller man –and Wonpil was taken aback by how tall he was when he was asked to move to the wheelchair- would have probably left him if it wasn’t for well, _his predicament._

He didn’t even bother saying his address while they were waiting for their ride, probably assuming that Wonshik would know - _but Wonshik isn’t here to say where is he?_

In a moment of panic of ruffling through Jae’s documents to find an address, the papers slipped through his fingers at seeing the taxi turning by the curve.

Jae sighed loudly and would quite possibly eye-rolled underneath the bandage at hearing his mess.

_How embarrassing Wonpil._

At least the nurse who was with them was kind enough to help him – _and not laugh._

A blessing in disguise though, what his clumsiness brought, because he found his insurance card. And since the other didn’t make any untoward reaction when he gave the driver the address, it must have been right.

_…Right?_

The taxi ride was suffocating for the lack of a better description.

Wonpil sweeps his eyes to his seatmate, who was sitting as far as possible from him in the cramped backseat. He really doesn’t know what to say to lift the tension surrounding them. _What did they even fight about for him to act like this?_

The driver was starting to eye them with concern too. Soon though, they arrive at a modern looking apartment complex.

_At least it looks like he’s well-off._

Thank god there was a lift, because Jae was still favouring his right foot – _a fracture, the doctor said earlier-_ and he was responsible to take everything up the room _oh my god I don’t know his room number-_

“Sir? What room?”

He cries internally at hearing the driver directly ask Jae the question. The old man even volunteered to help him carry the taller’s bags, so he can focus on guiding _his boyfriend._

_I can’t believe I agreed to this._

“409.” was Jae’s gruff reply. Head turned away and standing stiff. He groans under his breath too when he held him by the elbow, but Wonpil heard it all the same.

When they got to the front door, Wonpil pays the driver with a deep bow and turns back to see Jae, hands blindly moving to find the door lock. He lets him press the passcode, but at the third beep and a thump on the door, the other turns to him reluctantly and mutters. “915428.”

Quick to his feet, he inputs the numbers and silently committed them to memory. He has a feeling that if he didn’t Jae would quite happily let him be locked out.

Opening the door, he can’t help but feel half-nervous and half-excitement. Entering new places has always seemed like little adventures to him and since the apartment complex looks _posh_ that must mean- _Oh my god._

He was only by the entryway, but he can already smell the distinct stench of forgotten garbage and upon lighting the house, _everything was everywhere._

Wonpil can identify a towel draped on the couch, papers scattered on the coffee table, clothes were a mess on the floor with empty bottles and food packets. And it was just the living room.

“When was the last time you cleaned-“ he unconsciously queries.

* * *

**PJH**

_It’s echoing._

_Shit._

“None of your _damn_ business Shik!” he snaps cutting the other off, but it was too late. Memories bombarded his blind state. A cacophony of images and sounds in his head.

_-_

_“Did you listen to me?”_

_“I told you to finish the paper first but what did you do?”_

_“Babe, I swear, your life would be easier if you just follow through what I’ve been telling you.”_

_“That’s not the point Jaehyung! You’re going to throw a ton of opportunities offered to you and for what? This?”_

-

Clenching his jaw tighter, he grinds out as he walked further inside _“_ I'm tired. I'm going to sleep.”

“Ah wait!” Jae heard Wonshik call out, a thump of something heavy hit wood -before he could decipher it, to make a mental picture of what it might be- he trips and lost his balance, crashing his right shoulder against the wall. “ _Fuck_!”

This was the worst. Not just his state of blindness but the whole _damned_ situation. Jae doesn’t know what it is but something is off with the way Wonshik was acting. His voice was the same, but he was hesitant and careful with him, but clumsy otherwise. And Wonshik was far from clumsy and reluctant. He’s bold, daring and a perfectionist.

_So why is he like this?_

What annoys him more is that he was the one acting like a ticking bomb waiting to explode. And each word coming out of Wonshik’s mouth, which unintentionally grates on his nerves, is a second closer to explosion.

Then there was a soft touch by his elbow “You can't see remember?”

The taller man jerks his arm away with a snarl, face rigid “It's _fucking_ hard to forget when its pitch black everywhere, Wonshik.”

“Sorry” the fingers cautiously wrapping around his arm still “Let me-“

_Why aren’t you snapping back?_ Jae heaves, bricks filling his lungs, needles pricked on his neck at the thought. _Get angry! Walk away already!_

But the hand curls, holding him, his skin leaching on its heat- disgusted with himself, Jae roars “I don't need your help Shik! _Fucking_ – _Let go!_ ” smacking the hand away.

Using what he remembers of his apartment, he lifts a hand to find the wall and followed the mental map in his head to his room.

He needs to be far away from him. He needs to look out for himself.

_God, help me._

Slamming the door shut when he successfully reached his bedroom, he slumps against the door and slid down to the floor. As he gnaws on his lips, Jae frustrates his forehead taking measured deep breaths to settle his trembling hands and agitated heart. With his fingers buried in his hair, he scolds himself for being weak, for having a fleeting thought of wanting to go back out and run to him.

Because that would make things easier for him. All he has to do is go back to him and let himself be held. But that old habit of his, that old default would be his end. He knows, old habits die hard, but when it’s starting to kill you slowly, isn’t it best to rip it off your system in one go?

_Do I want to rip it away though?_

Burying his head on his folded knees, he longed to cry. The urge to wrecks throughout his body, he shakes to the core, feeling the tightness of the bandage around his eyes didn’t help his case. Because in that moment, having arms to hold him was better than battling his demons blind.

Suffocated, he screams.

* * *

**KWP**

After helplessly watching Jae walk to his room –and flinching at the door slam- he takes a deep breath of exasperation, feeling his temple throb but he was then again assaulted by the repulsive smell. Seeing that Jae seems to want to be left alone, he enters the apartment further and assess the chaos of _literally everything._

The living room was a mess but the kitchen and dining area will probably take the throne.

Taking everything in, Wonpil cringes. There was a tower of dirty dishes in the sink and below it was an overflowing trash can. The counter was filled with overripe fruits and wasted bread, used utensils and glasses.

“This will be a long day.”

Thankfully the bathroom and laundry area was spared. They were probably the only clean place –not including the man’s bedroom of course- in the whole apartment.

Wonpil squares his shoulder and made a quick mental list of what he’ll do before finding what he can use to clean.

Despite the dirtiness everywhere he looked, he took joy in opening cupboards, drawers and cabinets and collecting stuff he deems useful.

“For a dirty place, he sure has complete cleaning materials.” He muses, looking at his collection of helpers (an unopened pack of trash bags, a feather duster, several dishrags, a small bucket and bathroom cleaner) he laid on the island counter dividing the kitchen-dining area and living room.

He laughs to himself “But maybe that’s why it’s complete. They’re untouched.” Quickly eyeing around him, he sighs “Well, they won’t clean themselves.”

He starts with the food wastes and biodegradables, since they were starting to hurt his nose. He fills about two small bags of them. Then he follows up with washing the plates and mugs, putting them back to where he thinks they belong after drying. Wiping here and there. Rearranging the chairs, scrubbing the countertops and tables and mopping the floor.

Once he was satisfied with the kitchen and dining room, he stands with hands propped on his hips as though having a stare down with his opponent in the living room.

Wonpil picks up the clothes first, throwing them to the laundry basket he found. After that, he collects the recyclable bottles, checks the mess of papers –journals, articles and prints- into what he thinks are trash and what might still be important.

He was contemplating what to do with a magazine when he notices a glass shard by the coffee table. Bending down on his knees, he sees more broken pieces and a wooden frame. Curious, he pulls it out and- “Wonshik?”

Staring back at him is his twin brother’s wide grin. It was spread so wide, his cheeks plumped, the cheek a bespectacled Jae was pressing a kiss on.

“Park Jaehyung” he mouths, tracing the uncovered face. _What a beautiful man._

“They look like a great couple. They look happy.” he observes but _why is this broken? Did they fight that bad?_

Wonshik was never one to share with him about his personal life. Truthfully, after finishing his degree, securing a job and permanently leaving their childhood home, Wonshik never quite kept connections with them. He only came back when their parents died.

And after that he went back to how he was before. Only bothering him when he thinks Wonpil’s useful.

_Like now._

His phone – _his twin’s phone-_ rings, snapping him out. Pulling it out carefully from his back pocket, he reads a reminder blinking ‘Check out the egg tarts.’

Wonpil eyerolls fondly at that. Of course his brother would have reminders to taste the delicacies in whatever city he was in.

“The kid can only boil water.” He snorts shutting off the alarm, then he notices the time: 19:56.

His stomach groans soon after.

_Dinner._

Turning to look at Jae’s bedroom door he wonders if the taller man was hungry.

Another groan from his own stomach resounded before he decided to stop for now. He gently pulls out the picture, keep it safe and disposes of the ruined picture frame.

He sweeps and wipes a few more, before tying one last bag full of trash. He stands up, stretches a little and with a satisfying bone crack he exhales, and looks around him.

“At least it looks bearable now.” Nodding in satisfaction, he pats his back and walks back to the kitchen. Only to find the refrigerator empty save for a few eggs, three bottles of water and a celery. The cupboards were in the same state, only containing a few packs of instant ramyeon and udon.

Closing the cabinet door in disappointment, he goes to check in on Jae.

It was quiet- _too quiet-_ he took notice immediately, standing in front of his bedroom. Like the taller man hadn’t been cursing up a storm just hours before. Trying for the handle, he smiles a little when he learns it was unlocked.

Cautious in opening the door, just in case Jae was sleeping, he pokes his head in.

And what he greets him inside almost broke his heart in two.

And for someone he doesn’t know a lick of anything about.

Despite the calm inside the room and his rhythmic breaths, he can see the tightness in how Jae was curled on the floor, back against the side of his bed. A part of his blanket from the bed is spilled over him. He was hugging his folded legs, like he was trying to make himself smaller. In front of him, placed by his fists were an open notebook, a few leaves with scribbles ripped carelessly as though in anger were scattered near, and a broken pencil.

His room was spacious and minimalistic, modestly decorated. The wide space though was not helping the image of him -someone with his stature and build- already looking so small and vulnerable.

Almost fragile.

_I wonder, if not for the bandages, would he be crying his heart dry?_

_If not for me here, would he be screaming without restraint?_

With those thoughts swirling in his head, he walks back out and closes the door, opting not to bother the guy.

Losing his appetite over his aching heart for the man inside that dark place, he changes clothes and curls himself on the sofa after. Blankly staring at a random spot on the coffee table, he whispers to no one “What did I agree to?”

The last thing he remembers seeing behind his lids -before sleep completely took over- is the image of Park Jaehyung standing highlighted in the dim, bandage taut over his eyes, mouth wide open in a muted scream.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really don't know where i'm going with this 😅 but your comments helps a lot in motivating me to continue this, so thank you 🥺🥺💞
> 
> IMPORTANT: the text messages are from wonpil to wonshik hehe
> 
> i hope you enjoy~
> 
> (still not proofread klsajdlksa sorry)

**[23:12] Me:** Shikie call asap please

* * *

**PJH**

He was watching him.

Sleep has always been a luxury for Jae. Many nights spent alone and in the company of his loud head had prevented him from a good night sleep most of the days. But when he does gets it, he feels guilty for resting when he could’ve been productive. However, since the day _another door closed in front of him_ , he found himself trying to close his eyes and be drowned in wishful dreams, an escape from his reality. But this night wasn’t one of those where he can pretend and enjoy it. More so after the recent events he found himself in.

Writing down his thoughts helped him a lot before, whether it was just scribbled words or actual sharing, because then he’d be able to focus on something else and allow his mind to relax and get lost in the therapeutic manner of his pencil tainting the paper. But that too has been taken away from him.

And now Wonshik had a front row seat of how vulnerable he was at that moment. After ripping the pages he wrote on through his panic earlier and breaking the pencil out of frustration it was probably a mess around him.

_Would he care though?_

Wonshik was never one to bother himself with other people’s worries unless they share it with him. It was something he picked up on early in their relationship so instead of making a fuss out of it he compromised for him. And Jae learned to keep to himself after they got together.

_So why is he watching me?_

The bandage helped though, at least he doesn’t have to be too conscious if Wonshik would notice he was awake the whole time from the moment he opened his door.

_Is he just gonna stand there and pity me?_

After all, most of the time when Wonshik meets his eyes a few months into their relationship the gentle fondness was warped into bright proud gazes either to brag about his achievements or nit-pick on Jae’s choices (which isn’t all that bad some times, but it had nailed far too many insecurities unto his head) But this time he couldn’t feel judgement at all.

And Jae doesn’t know what to feel about it.

One part of him wants to run away. He doesn’t need anyone anymore. He’s been okay alone when he first got here why would Wonshik being there again change anything? However, Jae’s aware that another part, his true self, wants to reach out. Because for the first time in a long while, his eyes were on him in such a gentle manner.

Something akin to sweet caress.

_Shit, Jae. Don’t fall for it._

* * *

**KWP**

Wonpil woke up without prompting. Lost for a moment, seeing an unfamiliar ceiling above him, he looks ahead of him squinting at the coffee table, the T.V., some drawers- then yesterday’s events came crashing down on him.

Groaning as he sits up, he takes in his surroundings with different eyes. “This will be my place for weeks to come,” he murmurs to himself. It was a much better place than the one he had been living on but it’s far from a home. The state of cleanliness however deserved a small smile from him.

His phone lights up with a notification catching his attention, promptly grabbing it, expecting a reply from his twin to only get disappointed because it was just a system notification. Seeing the time, he decided to go on with his list of chores.

The first on his list is to take out the trash. He took the opportunity to explore the apartment complex a little, remembering where fire exits are, some important schedules posted in the lobby and familiarizing with the place. After that, as soon as he gets back he dusted the bookshelves and continued on the unfinished work from yesterday.

Finishing them in no time, he checks his phone. “Just in time to make breakfast.”

He looks to Jae’s closed bedroom door and peeks in with caution. The tall man was now on his bed now, his back towards the door. Whether he was asleep or not, Wonpil wasn’t sure, but he’d rather not bother him than wake him up by accident.

Wonpil skips breakfast because somehow it doesn’t sit right with him to eat alone in a foreign place; instead he collects the dirty clothes from the basket and runs the laundry.

Time passed without him noticing and he was already halfway through when a loud thud slips to the room he was in. Pressing some buttons on the machine, he went out drying his hand to investigate- then a louder thud was heard.

Then _“Damn it!”_ followed by a distinct sound of body hitting something, a string of muffled words.

As he turns towards the kitchen, he catches a glimpse of Jae, arms in front of him and feet sweeping the floor “Where is it?”

“Jaehyung? What-“

“ _Fuck!_ Ouch!”

Wonpil cringes as though feeling the pain the other man felt after bumping into the kitchen counter.

Jae turned to his approximation of where he was standing, rubbing his forehead with a scowl “I'm _fucking_ hungry and you're _goddamn useless._ ”

Speechless from the sharp tone, Wonpil flounders “Why didn't you call me then? I was doing the laund-“

“I didn't have to call you if you were beside me right?”

Evening his breaths, he opted to just assist the man to the living room. Hand ready to hold Jae, he offers with all the patience he has “Let me-“

“No! I don’t need _you_!” the taller man leans away and hits a corner again. After muttering curses while touching the sore spot, Jae tells him “I won't risk having you blow up my kitchen.”

Gritting his teeth to keep the truth from spilling, he groans internally and embodies his ‘cannot-be-left-in-the-kitchen’ twin “I'll be careful I promise.”

Jae clicks his tongue and looks down to where his hand had touched his arm “Then let go.”

“Just-“ Wonpil bites back the protest and lets go, remembering last night’s slap on his hand “Sit on the sofa and watch something.”

“Are you _retarded_? I'm blind, remember?” Jae glares, it could be heard in his tone of speaking that he was indeed glaring, but walks nonetheless.

“Yes, sorry.” He half-heartedly says, hovering behind in a safe distance, and eyeing what could be an obstacle for the blind man “Then just settle down and listen to something. I'll bring the food to you.”

He remembers too late that the kitchen was practically empty so he settled for preparing instant noodles. In a few minutes, he brings the food to a rigid Jae sitting ramrod straight. Using a chopstick, he pokes the man’s hand.

With a swift motion, one of his hands takes the chopstick while the other was patiently waiting for the bowl to be placed within them.

Taking cautious bites and sips, Jae grumbles “You call this food?”

Wonpil counts from ten as he glares. _It's your kitchen's fault. It’s empty, you ungrateful ass._

Once Jae retired to his room, leaving him alone, he pulls out his phone to do some research on what he can do to lessen Jae’s obstacles.

_And his cursing._

He went on and rearranges some stuff blocking the way, covered sharp corners with pieces of cardboard, sticking bright notes, he found from cleaning, on drawers and cabinet doors as reminder for himself to close it after using. He then adds to his to-do list, after the groceries, is to buy thick lettering he can paste on food containers and bottles, hoping Jae would find them at least helpful.

Wonpil was just finishing tying the last rope when he heard a door opening and closing. Excited at seeing Jae curiously inspecting the string by his bedroom, he chirps “I put ropes as guide for you, until you have adjusted well. The rough one goes to the bathroom. And the ribbon is to the kitchen.”

The smaller man watched in anticipation waiting for the taller man’s reaction only to get disappointed when the taller man simply went back to his room. Frowning at the lack of response he sulks a little.

_A thank you would have been nice._

* * *

**PJH**

_“I put ropes as guide for you, until you have adjusted well-“_

Leaning on his closed door, Jae stood rigid, over analysing the words for any ulterior motive whatsoever. Anything to justify why Wonshik was acting the way he was and saying the things Jae had never heard him say.

Unless, _he’s changing?_

Heart suddenly pounding Jae’s confusion grows. One of the things he hates the most is not knowing what exactly was happening and his current situation was adding fuel to the fire.

_I can’t even see if anything he’s been doing is sincere._

_Am I being too skeptical?_

With a groan he slumps on the floor “My head hurts-“ then his phone rings. Crawling to his bed he feels for his phone by merely following the incessant ringing. _Did Wonshik place it by my pillow?_

Not a second after accepting the call, a familiar voice shouted “Jae! Oh thank god!” _Brian_ “I’m starting to lose my mind on how I’m supposed to check up on you!”

Jae relaxes against the side of his bed, tucking his legs to his chest, leaching on the effect at hearing his best friend’s voice in the midst of his present situation.

_It was a sort of reassurance that some good things doesn’t change even for him._

Brian exhales, positively relieved at even his hummed reply, before shooting at him “I told Wonshik to call me as soon as you were discharged! Why didn’t-”

Snorting –and most likely with an eyeroll if _he could-_ Jae returns “Well, it’s your fault for expecting he’d actually do that when you asked him such a big favour.”

“He was the one who agreed!”

“Should I take this chance to punish him then?” he jokes half-serious.

“No you idiot.” Brian admonishes then sighs in defeat “If only I can drop everything right now and fly back.”

Shoulder shrugging, Jae bites his bottom lip from saying what he mean and simply teases “You can though.”

“Yeah, I probably can” his best friend laughs –they were rebellious boys after all- “but mom would hunt me down.”

“True.” They’re rebellious boys but they are big mama’s boys too – _well he used to be._ Brushing it off, he coughs out “How are they?”

“Aging like fine wine.” Their families were neighbors since they were kids until Brian flew abroad for college and his graduate studies. His family follow soon after. “They’ve been asking about you, can’t really tell them why I suddenly flew back right?”

“Yeah. Sorry.” Jae was supposed to be in the same school as Brian, his family had already settled in with his best friend’s family when he made certain decisions in his life that got him where he was. But having any one know about his accident would have catalyzed of confrontations he’d rather not deal with yet.

_What a coward._

“Jaehyung,” Brian calls with his gentle timbre “I’ve been telling you. We’re practically brothers, it’s okay to depend on me sometimes.”

Jae smiles to himself crudely, thankful that they were talking through phone because he can hide his thoughts with a jolly tone “And that some time isn’t this time. I can handle myself.”

His best friend huffs but gives up “He’s not giving you a hard time is he?”

“No.” reminded, he picks at his blanket mindlessly. If anything, Wonshik was making easier for him – _so easy he can welco- ugh no_ “ _Not yet_ I guess.”

“So pessimistic.” Brian clicks his tongue and probably eye-rolled too. Then there was noise, Brian covering the mic and some muffled words. _Time’s up._ “Anyways, call me anytime okay?”

“Sure.”

“I mean it, Jae.”

Jae huffs this time. But beyond thankful even when he jokingly salutes “Yes, sir.”

Dropping the call, he contemplates again. His best friend would probably question how Wonshik was acting too –after hearing stories from him- if he had spilled earlier but until he was certain of what Wonshik’s intentions are, he’ll keep his mouth shut.

Because the one with him now is very much like the one he met in the beginning. The Wonshik that whines like everybody else, that smiles sweetly, has weird quirks too and endearing qualities. And that’s how he also knows Wonshik wasn’t always like that- in that extreme and the Wonshik _few weeks back_ \- too busy to care and too occupied with his successes to see anything else but his goals.

It was after all, one of the things Jae admired about him. He was goal-oriented, driven to a fault, he was free and he has plans.

Too many to be honest.

And somewhere in the middle of their relationship, Jae started to entertain the thought of if not ever meeting him in the first place would save him from how he was now.

_Ah, but regrets do come after it happens._

_-_

_“I’m Kim Wonshik.”_

_“Park Jaehyung.”_

_“Oh. The brilliant nerd from the Chemistry Department.” The smaller man smirks earning a raised eyebrow from him._

_It sounded like an insult._

_“Is it your habit to say such things to people you just met?”_

_Then Wonshik grins cheeky and with an eye smile “Take it as a compliment, I’m not really generous with it.”_

_They were in their third year of university when they met. They were fast friends and maybe faster partners. Going into their romantic relationship didn’t even have a certain transition. Friends one day boyfriends the next._

_And Jae was finally happy._

_-_

“My head really hurts.”

* * *

**KWP**

A vulgar groan makes Wonpil jump from his place in the living room, it was quickly followed by a series of ‘ _Fucks’_. Marking the page he was on, he leaves the sofa and went to investigate why Jae was already cursing so early in the morning.

“Jaehyung? Oh my!” Throwing caution out the window, he enters Jae’s room to help him up “Are you- why are you even down there?”

“The- Jaedong- _shit_!” Jae wrenches away from his hold “I forgot to pick him up-“

_Jaedong?_

“Where? I'll do it.”

“No way! Are you cra-“ Jae would probably be looking at him wildly with how much bewilderment he heard, then perhaps in habit, Jae fixes his glasses that wasn’t even there. “Just call a cab to take me there or something. Or have Brian contact the-”

He stops trying to help Jae, focusing on thinking back if Wonshik ever did mention those names – _he didn’t_ “Brian? Who’s Brian?”

“My best friend Shik!” Jae exclaims, unsteadily standing up with his hand raised defensively if he was touched again “I know you don't care much- _god_ whatever.”

Jae looks away, heaving in something akin to defeat.

_Damn it, Wonshik, what did you do?_

“Just bring me my charger. My phone died.”

Leaving the room to do so, Wonpil tries to call his twin.

_“Hello, this is Kim Wonshik, I’ll get back to-“_

_Voicemail? Stupid Shikie._

With a sigh and charger in hand he goes back to Jae, already sitting on his bed, fingers trailing over the cover on his eyes. Wonpil holds his tongue in, not wanting to rile him up accidentally. Instead he asks “What do you want for lunch?”

“I’m not eating.” He answers curtly, feeling for the outlet near his bed.

“But-“

Jae tilts his head to his general direction and frowns “I’m not eating.”

Wonpil decides to leave the house to buy some much needed stocks, after Jaehyung shooed him away and seemed keen on keeping the door locked he can’t even bring anything to him.

“He can starve for all I care.” Then Wonpil sighs, knowing it was a lie. “Wonshik better come back soon.”

* * *

**PJH**

Advancement in technology were really a gift, even more so to the disabled, because they’ll be able to enjoy life just as it is, despite what they lack. And although Jae knows he’s one of the fortunate ones to only have it temporary, he feels less frustrated now upon this realization, because there are others who tries their best to live normally. So why couldn’t he?

On the third try the call connects and before he could say anything Brian was whining already “What? I was sleeping.”

“Yeah yeah.” He dismisses quickly. “Can you have the vet deliver Jaedong and some dog food too?”

Jaedong is a white poodle he rescued some time ago when he was doing his internship at his professor’s neighbourhood. The then puppy was abandoned at a random alley way crying and drenched. He never had the thought of adopting but when he was struggling to grasp on whatever was happening in his life he, on a whim, later on adopted Jaedong for himself.

And it has been one of his better decisions since he came here.

Brian’s voice flitters through, snapping him out “What? Why? Wonshik can’t pick him up?”

_Because he probably would, given his insistence earlier but it just can’t be._ “Not in the mood to answer questions.”

“You just answered though-“ his best friend smartly quips.

He didn’t have time for this. “ _Younghyun-_ “

“Woah there, fine.” Brian backs up, knowing that when they start to call each other that way, it’s serious “Don’t have to be pissy.”

“Whatever.” He chuckles, hoping his friend would forgive him again “Thank you.” _Sorry._

Brian laughs with his whole chest, Jae can even picture his sharp eyes teasing him “Of course Jae.”

He used the time waiting for the doorbell to ring to navigate and familiarize himself around the house. Swallowing his pride, he feels for the rope Wonshik had said he tied for him.

“Rough is the bathroom right?” following what he thinks is a straw rope, he does find himself in front of his bathroom door -the little star ornament he hanged there was enough indication- and with a belated realization that the table that used to be in between his bedroom door and path to the bathroom was not there.

For the past few days, he had to reluctantly ask Wonshik to where things were, but with the help of the ribbons, less obstacles and now, as he was standing in the kitchen, there was a side of the counter dedicated for a few glasses and utensils so he doesn’t have to blindly find them.

“Why is this happening?” he slumps on the island counter. Wonshik really was making everything easier for him and then what? Soon he’ll be back to his old ways?

_Wouldn’t that be sadder?_

* * *

**KWP**

As much as it is fun to do grocery shopping and was somewhat healing, Wonpil pouts at his lightweight coin purse, it’s not an enjoyable process to pay. With every beep of the scanner is another hit to his measly savings. “I have never bought this much for myself” he cries internally while bagging the groceries and produce, but understanding that it must be done, despite feeling guilty but can’t do anything about it, he uses his brother’s credit card.

“I’ll just pay him next time.” He promises to himself after he thanked the cashier and taking his purchase with him.

Next to his agenda, he goes back to his apartment to take more stuff he might need. Walking from the market to his place, he makes a mental list of what he should take with him. _A blanket. Few shirts and jackets. My note-_ “Sungjin-hyung!” he exclaims cutting his train of thought. Something like relief filling him up from seeing someone familiar after a whirlwind of events from the past few days, Wonpil raised his arms to greet the man standing in front of his door.

“No hugging.” Sungjin reminds him, pressing a finger on his forehead to keep him at a distance.

Park Sungjin is the owner of a restaurant he works at. _Well, used to._ And it was his favourite place because even with the heavy workload from being a kitchen crew, he found a family there. Sungjin, his cheeky-bubbly wife, their cute little boy and the little brother he found in another employee, Dowoon. On top of that small but happy family he gained, he gets to play the piano and sing to their customers when the dinner rush settles.

And it was a dream come true. For someone who won’t receive much in terms of opportunities, that old piano and small stage was already a dream come true.

“What happened to you?” the older man says, waking him up to reality that he doesn’t work with them anymore because _Wonshik is stupid and meddlesome._

_But I’m way more stupid for agreeing._

“Oh uhm, remember my twin?” he begins, scratching his cheek at a lost on how to continue. _He kind of roped me into this big mess of his relationship and I can’t even tell you about it_ “He asked for a favour and it might take some weeks-“

“I knew something was fishy.” Sungjin sighs, removing his finger from his forehead. “You don’t send emails to me like that.”

“Like what?”

“Too professional.” Wonpil pouts at the playful eye roll that came with the explanation, knowing that it was a jab on his _too many emojis_ when texting to them. “Anyways, I’m not going to pry but I won’t fire you either. Come back when you’re done with whatever your sibling asked you to do.”

Wonpil stands straight in attention, feeling the urge to tear up he lifts his grocery-bags-filled arms again “Hyung~”

“I said no hugging.” Sungjin steps back with a smile “Keep in touch okay? Dowoon misses you.”

“How about you?” He teases, laughing at the face the older man makes. Beaming more sincerely, he says as the other says his goodbyes. “Say hi to Nayeon for me! And to little cookie too.”

“Stop calling my son cookie.”

“But it’s cute! He’s cute!”

“Sure, whatever.” Sungjin waves lazily and smirks one last time “Just come back whenever.”

“Thank you.” Wonpil bows deeply at his retreating back, lip between his teeth. He counts his blessings once more.

~

After collecting himself and his things, he arrives back to an unusually quiet apartment. Not thinking much of it, he unloads the bags and arranges them. While humming to himself he hears suddenly a sound similar to whining and _barking_?

Leaving his station to investigate, he found locked up in the laundry room is the source, wagging his tail and yipping at him “Oh? Hello there.” Kneeling down, he pets the white furred dog, a poodle if he isn’t mistaken. Feeling the collar, he reads a name “Jaedong?”

As if understanding, the dog licks his forearm.

“ _Eung!_ How cute.” He gushes before carrying the poodle with him back to the kitchen “Let’s get you out okay? Did that mean man lock you there?”

The dog barks and he giggles in return.

By late afternoon, he sees the door opening, revealing Jae going out of his bedroom, just as he was about to bring food to him “Jae, I have dinner- Where are you going?”

“I’m going to feed Jaedong because you ca-“

“I already did.” He smiles bowl in hand, standing in front of the tall man.

“You did?” He sounded genuinely surprised. Wonpil tilts his head in confusion, before he could answer however, Jaedong leaps and ran in circles around Jae, excitedly barking.

“Why is he outside?” The taller man questions, words dripping with confusion.

“I’m not going to lock the poor dog in the laundry room Jae.” Wonpil rolls his eyes, not bothering with the line of questions anymore and pushes the bowl to his chest. Once he was sure Jae had a firm grip on it he says “Now please sit down already and eat dinner. I’ll change your bandages after.”

Jae eats in silence for once. Slow and measured. Wonpil smiles at the welcomed silence that is until the other announces “I’m done.”

_At least he ate half._

He takes the offered bowl with him as he went to get Jae’s bag of bandages and medicine. That was when he realized that he’ll be taking them off and _I didn’t think this through. He is still blind under that right?_

Wonpil repeats silent prayers and the doctor’s words inside his head as he carefully rolled off the covering from around the quietly sitting man.

Holding his breath as it was completely removed, he sees Jae’s eyes for the first time.

_He really is beautiful._

Jae blinks, Wonpil can almost feel his soul leaving him, but the other soon sighs, shoulder slumping.

_Oh thank god._ He made quick work on putting the prescribed medicine to his eyes and follows through the instruction the nurse drilled to his head. Once his eyes were covered again, he unconsciously exhaled in relief.

~

For the next few days it was just Jae screaming and cursing and Wonpil taking constant deep breaths and counting too many ten to ones.

“You’re always angry!” Wonpil pointed out one afternoon. He was in the middle of preparing dinner but he accidentally hits Jae with a spatula when he turned to get the plate. Jae then began another rain shower of cursing and insults.

“Well if you knew how to _fucking_ keep to yourself and leave me to my business, I wouldn’t be angry!”

“I’m just trying to-“ he paused, bit his tongue and counted down from ten. “You know what? I’ll leave you here until you cooled your head.” Wonpil replaced the food from the pan to the plate, puts it on the table then before leaving he says “I’m not going to hear another scream from you.”

* * *

**PJH**

_I did it again._

Combing his hair at hearing the fading footsteps, he takes in a ragged breath. His heart starting to pick up its pace, fingers twitching and itching for release.

The more he brews his thoughts, the more he loses control.

_That’s all I’m good at-_

-

_“Jae, darling, do you hear yourself?”_

_I just- I just wanted…mom._

_-_

_“You’re good at this though? Why want a different path?”_

_Because no sir, it’s not enough to be good._

_-_

_“You’re so stubborn Jaehyung!”_

_Stop. Wonshik, please._

_“Why am I even trying?”_

_-_

_-making people leave._ His apartment started to feel a home only after Jaedong came. The little dog was his savior as much as he was to Jaedong. He made him feel worthy of someone because there was finally someone to greet him when he comes back, there was someone willing to stay.

But the obvious absence of his soft paws against his leg- _I’m driving him away now too._

"Could you be any worse, Park Jaehyung?"

* * *

**KWP**

Wonpil used the time away from Jae to clean the bathroom and calm down, Jaedong silently watching him. He smiles sadly at the poor boy, scratching the dog’s ears “I’m sorry you have to witness him like that.”

The fluffy dog nuzzles his hand in return.

Some minutes passed of him being locked in the bathroom when he noticed that the apartment was silent and can almost pass as a tranquil home but then a piercing noise punches through the walls. Worried, he leaves his position and went to find the source.

“ _Goddamnit_!” then another string of cuss follows.

“Jae-“ he starts but gasps at seeing the tall man bend over the kitchen counter, his right fist painting the tiles red. On the floor was the plate he had placed on the table, broken into pieces, but with only few bits of rice wasted.

He stood helplessly across the other, as Jae shook with tremors as though wrecked with sobs – _but unable to cry-_ cradling his right hand to his chest, dying his shirt bloody.

Empathic as he is, his heart cried on behalf of the man who couldn’t. It allowed him to brave the beast and walks closer, light on his feet. “Jaehyung-“

“Go away.” was his frustrated whisper, a stark contrast to his usual shouting.

Proceeding with caution, he takes the beaten hand gently. Wonpil swallows when Jae didn’t make any aggressive reactions and just let him wash away the blood.

He silently spent the next minutes carefully cleaning the broken skin and bandaging them properly.

Jae was silent too, gnawing on his lips bearing the sting of the disinfectant and most likely drained and exhausted to even mutter complaints.

The little dog snuggling by his owner’s feet as though for comfort.

~

Wonpil thought things would get better after that. Jae was more or less silent when they had his hand checked up. He even joined him during lunch later that day. He hoped for at least less shouting because his ears are starting to ring.

But it was all just wishful thinking on his part, for Jae only got worse. He was like a pot of boiling rage or strings pulled taut snapping one by one at every chance possible.

Jae got demanding. Demeaning and calloused.

Jaedong would usually hide under the dining table or in Jae’s room whenever he starts another fit, but Wonpil decided to endure them. Because there was an underlying frustration wrapped inside the insults, there was a tinge of something sad in his mocking words.

And they were always over trivial, almost petty things, like he was doing things on purpose.

-

_“Oy! Where's my notebook?”_

_“I told you! Don't touch my things!”_

_“I said headphones idiot!”_

_-_

He had just entered the apartment when Jae greets him from the couch like some domineering father. “Where were you?”

Heaving an inaudible sigh, he raises the bags in his hands, then remembers the taller man’s state of blindness. With another sigh, he answers “I brought dinner and some-“

“I want pudding go get me some.” he commands with finality.

_Is he serious?_

“But I just got ba-“ with a groan, upon noticing the beginnings of Jae’s frown, he concedes “Fine.”

_Patience Wonpil. Grit._

Wonpil drops the bags on the nearest table and walks out without a word.

_Damn him!_

He was cursing Jae internally throughout his journey to get him damned puddings, and curses him some more when he realized he didn’t specify what pudding then adds another cruse when the only thing left in the closest café was a stupid peach pudding.

Admittedly tired and fed up, Wonpil buys it without much thought, weakly smiling at the worried tone the cashier used with him.

“Goodness, even strangers notices my bad moods now.”

If there was one thing he was good at, it was keeping his emotions locked and only accessible to his own. It was easier to keep to yourself than look for people who would let you bother them.

When he gets back to the apartment, Jae was impatiently tapping his feet but didn’t say anything – _thank god-_ and receives the treat.

Wonpil was washing the dishes, finally peaceful for a few minutes until “What is in this? _Fuck!_ ” He drops the plate, dries his hand and briskly looked for Jae “I'm allergic to peaches Shik! I told you that million times! I- _shit!_ ”

He watched in horror seeing the taller man wheezing and heaving with difficulty, skin getting blotched with redness and face swelling.

“My meds, where's my-“

Hearing the frantic question, he snaps out of it and ran to get his phone. With shaking hands, he dials the emergency. _I’m sorry Jae._ Eyes closing tight at hearing Jae hitting corners and drawers in an attempt to find his medication despite his blindness. “I’m so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter would probably have fluff (???)
> 
> hope to see u guys until the end of this mess of a story (that is still haunting me 🤪)
> 
> feedbacks are appreciated uwu
> 
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yohohoho~
> 
> nothing else to say but my thank you 💞 💞 hahaha
> 
> enjoy~

**[22:14] Me:** Shikie please call me asap

 **[22:14] Me:** Answer me please

**KWP**

He was useless through it all, standing in the sidelines and barely holding in his tears as the hospital staff responded and worked efficiently to control the manifestation of his allergy. To top it all off, he felt like his twin was erased from the face of the earth by how unresponsive he was since he left.

“Can I have a list of your allergies?” he requests softly as soon as they got back, his hands still trembling from what just happened.

Jae snorts as he walked further inside, then mocks without turning to him. “Why don't you make an update on _your own list_ for every time you might accidentally kill me? You’ll excel at that.”

~

_“Wonpil! What did you do?” they accused, already inspecting his brother’s bruised knee, while he stood numb, holding his broken nose._

_“You still don’t know how to do this? Wonshik can-“ Hit. Another addition to his hands’ growing collection._

_“A piano?” a loud sigh “Your twin needs the money for-“ Stab. His heart bleeds once more._

_~_

“Shut up.” Wonpil whispers, eyes shut trying to fight the memories. He doesn’t know however, who he was trying to say it to.

It goes unnoticed though, because Jae continues, voice dripping with contempt “Wouldn't that make it more fun for you? Discovering how _your stupidity_ can hurt-“

_~_

_“It’s not that hard!” Another scream._

_“This is too simple even for kids!” Another mistake._

_“No wonder you have no future. You can’t even get your shit together.”_

_~_

“Shut up!” He repeats, eyelids flying open and fists turning white. “Shut up! _Shut up!_ ”

Jae was facing him now, standing in his full height. “Excuse me?”

“I said shut up you-!” Wonpil spots the other’s furrowing forehead and tightening jaw, but he could not care less at the moment “I have had enough!”

* * *

**PJH**

“Now it’s my fault?!” he fires back “Who almost died because of your _stupid ass_ -”

_After all, I’m nothing but a pitiful puppet in your childish game._

“No!” the denial was partnered with a stomp of his feet “God! I’m aware you're disabled but that doesn't excuse your _shitty_ behavior! It doesn't give you a pass to be an _asshole_!”

**_Pull._ **

“Then _leave_! The door is right _fucking_ there!” Jae snaps, throwing a hand towards where he thinks the door was. _Goddamn pathetic_. “Walk the _fuck out_!” he continued with a sneer, face burning with supressed heat. “Or are you _incapable_ of even just that?”

“I'm trying my best here! The least you could do is to be cooperative!”

“Cooperative?” he echoes with a rude laugh, his neck straining in effort “Why would I do that when you-“ _You don’t_ _even_ _care. Nobody cares._ Ignoring the tremor of his truth burning him inside, he hisses “Just leave. I don’t need-”

_Why do you even bother when you’ll eventually go too?_

**_Snap._ **

_The string breaks._

* * *

**KWP**

Wonpil couldn’t hear the next words because he was suddenly enveloped in white noise. It was ringing unbearably in his ears. Pitched and dissonant. He can feel his blood flowing rapidly under his skin, he can feel the pinpricks too behind his eyes.

_Stop. No more._

Then a tear escaped despite his best efforts. Another followed. Then another.

It blurred his view of Jae screaming at him again, gestures wild and powerful, but he can still see clearly like a broken record playing in front of him. The hard jaw, the clenched fists, the veins protruding on his temple. His flushed face and frustrated sneers.

He remembers the image his mind conjured on the first night, of him screaming a soundless cry.

_Why are you in pain?_

Wonpil remembers Jae tripping over anything, cursing everything. He remembers the torn skin and bitten lip. He remembers him breakable, small on his bed every night.

Wonpil can imagine Jae crying with unshed tears behind his bandages, he can picture him shaking like a leaf inside with how much strain he hears in his voice with every insult and snide remarks he throws despite the strength in them.

So even with tears streaming down his cheeks, making it hard for him to see, he can still see Jae and the broken pieces on his sleeves.

His heart bleeds.

“Are you crying?” Jae’s surprised voice slips through and brings him back to the present. “Why are _you_ crying?”

“Because it hurts.” He chokes out, fingers pressing against his damp eyes trying to control the flood. “I can't even be mad at you because I don't know why you're treating me like this.” Trembling in frustration because the tears won’t stop, he hugs himself. _Like he always does._ “It would be unfair to you if I’ll despise you.” _Stop crying!_ “But it hurts. This whole situation is painful for the both of us. I can see that- but I can only take so much.” He hiccups and tilts his head to smile brokenly at Jae “Why are you like this, Jaehyung? What's hurting you?”

“I-“ the taller man starts, startled but doesn’t finish.

“Please tell me. I'll do my best to do something about it.” Biting his lip, Wonpil lifts both hands to reach for Jae’s long fingers, cautiously curling them together. “Tell me. Stop punishing the both of us.” with a deliberate movement, he lifts Jae’s hand to his lips.

The other doesn’t pull away, even with the relentless drops dampening the skin against his mouth. Looking up to him, he continues with a whisper “What’s breaking your heart? I’ll help you. I promise, I will.” After being unable to stop the feelings choking him, he sobs against the pliant hand, repeatedly promising “I’m here. I’ll try.”

_You can cry to me, Jae. It’s okay._

* * *

**PJH**

_I feel breathless, weak and I’m crumbling._

Was this the feeling of someone embracing your broken soul?

Was this the feeling he had been longing for?

It was silent, save for his sobbing and hiccups. But Jae finds himself being comforted by such sad sounds. Like he was the one crying.

The thought- the reality- however of someone tearing up on his behalf was starting to unveil his layers until he was bare and vulnerable. Taking a shaky breath after the realization that he was being sewn back by sincere words Jae gently peels his hands from the fingers holding them. Finding his cheeks, he wipes the wet trails under his fingertips. “I- I’m- I'm sorry.”

Feeling the shorter man tense up when he wraps him in a tender embrace, Jae repeats his apologies softly “I'm sorry.”

The foreign words were heavy on his mouth, but he finds himself getting used to saying them. Just like him, getting used to breathing again - _How did you do it?-_ Burrowing his head against his neck, Jae continues on despite hearing the smaller man shake with brand new tears.

When he catches on the trembling hand crumpling the back of his shirt, Jae finds himself wanting to cry too.

“It’s okay Jae. You’re okay.”

_Someday, when I finally can, I’ll cry with you._

Then and there, he began unfold like a message in a bottle. Years of floating idly in the vast sea and finally finding the curious hand that would read his words that has been kept for so long.

* * *

**KWP**

Disoriented from alternating reassuring words to the still apologising man and crying a waterfall, he had no recollection of being brought to Jae’s room or lying down in his arms. And amidst his ugly weeping, the taller man’s whispers of sweet nothings to his ear filled the room.

Wonpil fell asleep with those warm words and warmer presence hugging him.

It was the first time someone held him as he broke down.

~

The following morning, he wakes up to Jae’s face close to his. Shocked, his eyes widen in effort – _ugh it’s probably swollen-_ but the man remains asleep, an arm tucked under his head, the other loosely holding him.

He blushed.

_I should move._

But before he does, Wonpil stole a few moments to watch the calm puffs of breaths fanning the space between them. His eyes traces the peaceful set on his lips and relaxed features.

Jae had never look so gentle and peaceful as he was right now since they met.

Wonpil smiles genuinely for the first time in a while.

After carefully untangling himself from Jae and rearranging the blankets over him, he stands and heads for the door. Greeting Jaedong, who was happily yipping just outside, he begins the new day early.

He was humming to himself while he worked on the vegetables he’ll use for their breakfast when soft footfalls caught his attention.

With a small turn, he puts down the knife as he finds Jae hovering by the entrance, almost forgetting to use his lower tone “Good morning Jae.”

There was a tentative smile on his face “Mm.” then he walks closer, a finger on his mouth not unlike a curious child “Are you cooking?”

After a quick mental encouragement, he lies “Yeah, uhm don't worry- I watched some videos before-“ he suddenly remembers then “ah but your allergies-“

“Ahh,” Jae agrees, leaning against the table after finding it with careful hands. He silently beams with pride when the man didn’t trip much. “Do you have anything to write them down with?” quickly wiping his hand with a towel, pulls out his phone and makes a noise of affirmation. “Well, there’s the pollen and too much sun. For food allergies there would peaches, cashews- other tree nuts are pretty mild though. Kiwis, avocado-“

Wonpil listens attentively, committing each name to memory as he was typing them down. And Jae was patient to repeat if he didn’t catch them the first time.

His heart jumps each time.

“Thank you for telling me.” He says after they finished, hoping that Jae can hear the wide smile spread on his lips. With renewed vigor, Wonpil chirps “I'll whip up a quick meal, just stay there-“

* * *

**PJH**

Jae lets out a small laugh, walking closer with caution, his hand finds for a chair, so he could stay with him in the kitchen instead of his usual routine of locking up in his bedroom. Remembering the excitement he heard earlier and now the comfortable noise of pans clanging and the chop of a knife, he smiles a little better. With it, he teases “Where else could I go?”

Too early for that, _I guess_. Because every noise stopped and then a hurried explanation “I- didn’t- I didn’t mean to-“

“It’s alright.” Jae looks up to his general direction, sheepishly scratching his jaw. “I was joking, sorry.”

“It’s okay.” Despite not seeing, he can imagine an equally sheepish expression on the other’s face. “I’m sorry too.”

He laughs louder at that. It elicits a melodious laugh in return making Jae grin.

_They were acting silly._

The silence that followed was far from suffocating or awkward. The low humming from somewhere in front of him, fills Jae with something warm and unfamiliar, he finds himself standing with purpose.

* * *

**KWP**

Happily continuing with his task, he hums unconsciously at the welcomed peacefulness of their morning, Jaedong, having already eaten his share, napping cutely on the island counter instead of hiding under furniture.

“Jae?” Wonpil asks curiously, hearing movement from behind him. Washing his hands and drying them in quick successions, he turns with a question “Do you need-“

The smaller man stops in surprise as Jae found him and pulls him by the waist.

Arms frozen, awkwardly hovering over Jae’s broad shoulders, Wonpil stood with his mouth agape as the taller man’s hand combs his hair then presses his forehead on his. “Thank you-“ Jae says voice heavy with sincerity “-for putting up with me. Thank you.”

Wonpil closes his mouth, feeling them tremble with emotion, and returns the light embrace but somehow to him, the loose hold felt like it was crushing his lungs.

And maybe it was the reason why he choked up.

“Are you crying again?” Jae queries with a grin. He can feel it moving against his skin.

Wiping his face on the other’s shirt, Wonpil huffs “No.”

Jae laughs then, breathy and amused, ruffling his head with his warm, playful fingers. “Uh-huh, and I’m not blind.”

He pokes Jae’s side in retaliation and he watches through his tears as Jae laughs louder.

_I hope I can keep you happy the same way I’m sure Wonshik could._

~

In the everyday that followed while living together, he learns little things about Jae.

They bicker every once in a while still, but it’s always over the silliest things and never a full on match. They would be bantering and throwing words then it would escalate then one or the both of them will suddenly burst in laughs, breaking the tense atmosphere. After that they’d bond over shitty movies they would dub over just because and share a bucket of ice cream and chips.

He never mentions a family though. But occasionally, he can hear him talking to the Brian guy on the phone, who, Wonpil had gathered, was abroad for school.

It was another lazy day when Jae plops down on the sofa with a request “Will you read to me?” placing Jaedong on his lap when the dog bumped his head against his leg.

Stopping from folding some towels and clothes he washed yesterday, he nods “Sure. I’ll just finish folding these.”

“Let me help you-“ he hurries, already lifting Jaedong to sit down on the floor with him.

“Thank you, but I’m almost done.” Wonpil quirks a smile, noticing the subtle slump on his shoulders. Finishing the chore fast he wonders out loud “What book do you want?”

Wonpil looks fondly, smiling from the quiet excitement in Jae’s posture while listening to him. His love for books was admirable – _his bookshelves and well-loved books is enough proof-_ and admittedly _cute._ It says a lot about how Jae is content with solitude but, stealing a glance at him again mindlessly rubbing Jaedong’s head, he enjoys other’s attention on him too.

Soon enough, Jae was comfortable and safe enough to go around the house without knocking on cabinets or hitting edges. And with this power comes his extra playfulness.

“Look! Look!” the taller man calls from his bedroom one time. Hearing his footsteps entering, he continues “Jaedong learned how bring me his toy!”

Accepting the offer to sit beside him, Wonpil watches, amused at Jae whistling to call the dog’s attention. Then he waves a wet stuff toy, throwing it across them with a “Go get it boy!”

Instead of taking the toy though, Jaedong jumps to his lap. Wonpil laughs to Jae “No he didn't” as he gushed to the dog licking his face.

“Jaedong, you traitor! Justice for Jae!”

He bubbles into another laughing fit.

It was a novel experience to witness his childlike cheekiness and quirks, in moments like those. When he was relaxed and mischievous. Or maybe because his first impression and their initial interactions were far from _desirable._ Either way, he likes seeing him playful and carefree much more.

It was much better too than seeing him shrouded in his darkness.

* * *

**PJH**

The past days has been a good experience for him. He was allowed to walk around unattended, but when need be with just one call, he’ll be there -ever diligent to be of help- so Jae tried to lessen asking for it by gaining confidence when he goes around the house.

He entertains himself with movies, music and audiobooks most of the day. Then, realizing he wasn’t alone, he invites the other to join him in his activities. Whether it was to debate about the story’s plot or exchange ideas about one thing or another. And he was able to join him too during Jaedong’s morning and afternoon walks.

Jae also occasionally updates best friend, but with exams coming soon, he lets Brian to his own time.

~

_“You sure you’ll be okay?” Jae eyerolls fondly at hearing the obvious worry and distrust._

_“Yes. You ace those shit then we’ll catch up.”_

_“Of course.”_

_Hearing Brian hesitate, Jae urges with a soft hum._

_“You sound better.”_

_“I am. So don’t worry.”_

_~_

He had been able to do anything he had been requesting but now he’s not sure. As Jae stands fidgeting by the kitchen entrance, taking in the familiar sound of the knife against the chopping board, he opts to wait until his presence was noticed than announcing himself.

“Jae?” The knife stopped, the tap was opened then some footsteps as though turning fully to him. “What is it?”

“What are you making?” he enters, propping himself against a chair and lifts a finger to his lips, saying a curious request “Can I help?”

“Its fine. I can-“

“I want to help though” Jae interrupts, sulking and adjusting his imaginary glasses. He sighs at feeling the bandage “I feel useless.”

Because it was true. Although he had been having all those activities for himself, there was just something about not being able to help with chores that irks him.

He had been independent and have been doing everything on his own before the accident happened. Understandably, he knows he needs time to adjust before cooking alone _but he can at least help right?_

_And why is he too much of a busy bee? He finishes everything too fast._

“Oh- uhm-“

“Please?”

* * *

**KWP**

_Is he pouting? So cute._

Unable to help it, Wonpil coos a little “ _Eung!_ ”

“What?”

Blinking because he doesn’t get where the confusion was rooted from, Wonpil asks “Huh?”

“Nothing.” Jae shakes his head, a hand raised to find him “What can I do?”

Wonpil walks closer, holds the raised hand and makes Jae stand beside him “Well, uhm wash these for me?” he presses the vegetable to one of his hands and with the other Wonpil leads it to the colander he placed by the sink “Feel here? Put them there after okay?”

The taller man nods his head with a small smile.

For a few minutes they work in comfortable silence. Jae washing the things he passes to him while he chops them up with a happy tune humming under his breath.

“I’m done.”

“Oh! Good job!” he compliments and Jae beams like a little boy catching his first dragonfly “Now- just open these. Be careful okay-“

* * *

**PJH**

“Are we baking?” Jae asks in excitement later that week after feeling the equipment the smaller man had laid on the counter once they finished with their lunch. He bites his finger in anticipation as he looked up waiting for the confirmation.

“ _Eung!”_

He lets out a chuckle at hearing the uncontained excitement he had induced into the other.

“Yes! We’re making brownies! I found an easy recipe online.”

“Yey!”

Jae bought those equipment way back, when he told himself to pick up a new hobby just because but he never had the time to use them. Now that he can, and with someone, he feels extra excited to learn something new.

To be honest, his every day since he got discharged from the hospital had been learning, relearning and unlearning a lot of things.

But the best one he learnt yet was to answer back to the voice in his head with a sincere smile, knowing that someone other than Jaedong was making him feel special.

* * *

**KWP**

After preparing everything, he directs Jae’s hand and placed it on the mouth of the bowl “Hold the bowl from here and just drop everything I pass to you.”

When he noticed that the other was getting too excited, he instructs with barely contained amusement “Mix slowly!” then soon after, he was hitting the taller man with a bark of laughter when he does the exact opposite “You’re making a mess!”

The supposed time for preparing the batter doubled because Jae was a little curious boy who doesn’t listen well and asks too many questions. It was a fun experience though.

It was new and exhilarating, something he only feels when- then he sees from the corner of his eyes right after he finished putting some stuff away that the other’s hand was inside the flour bag. Catching on he warns “Jae- Jaehyung _don’t you dare_! Jae! We just cleaned!” Jaehyung, even with his pleading, flings a handful of flour to his face with a loud laugh and he unfortunately inhales some sending him into a fit of cough. And the taller man wasn’t done, because his other hand throws another handful, scattering flour everywhere around them.

The little dog by their feet yelping in happy barks, makes a bigger mess on the floor by running around in circles with his flour-covered paws.

Fast to recover, Wonpil growls with the viciousness of a little lion cub at Jae who was still laughing his ass off, as though he could see the damage he had done. With a quick sweep of his eyes, he sees some of the batter they didn’t scrape and dips his fingers.

“Hey,” the taller man nervously chuckles once he settles “You’re too silent. You’re not going to take advantage of a blind man are-“

Wonpil lightly pokes the other’s cheek, interrupting him midsentence, with his chocolate coated hand and paints it across his mouth.

“Ha! Now it looks like all the shit that comes out of your mouth is-” he trails off as Jae smiles slowly under his fingertips and seizes his wrist with his powdered hand. “Jae what are you-“

He stops again, shuddering. Somehow, even though his eyes were hidden and bound, Wonpil can feel the intensity of Jae’s gaze and he could do nothing but stare back in awe.

_I wonder how I look like reflected in your eyes?_

His wondering was cut-off at feeling long fingers lifting his chin. Hypnotized by something he can’t even see – _beautiful eyes covered still-_ his eyes flutter close and his breath hitches at the first press of their lips.

_How do you see me in your mind, Jae?_

It was started with barely there meetings. Hesitant but deliberate. Until the hand holding his head in place, moved to bury itself in his hair and he was caged against the counter by the other. Wonpil blindly holds onto his broad shoulders to steady his stance.

Then they gained confidence. Wonpil can taste the sweet smoothness of the chocolate he smeared on Jae’s mouth, with every brush of the taller man’s plump lips, with every breath they shared in the tiny space between them before they dived right back to alternating firm kisses and lingering pecks.

Pulling away with an unsteady breath, Wonpil sees the way Jae’s lips glistens under the artificial light. Dazed still, he was about to let himself be pulled back when their brownie timer rings.

Jae jumps at that, brushing his hair away with his dirty fingers in what may perhaps be nervousness – _his heart stutters at witnessing it-_ then he smiles sweetly at him.

He badly wants to return it. He really does, even if Jae won’t see it.

Instead of giddily sharing the experience, he wakes up to reality. To a bandaged Jae, holding his hand with much misplaced affection and cheeks pink from the kiss not meant for him.

_I’m not the one you kissed._

Closing his eyes, he struggles to hold in the urge to cry.

_In your head, I am Wonshik._

Remembering his twin, Wonpil gasps, dread filling his lungs with ton of bricks. Quickly moving away with a small squeak of “the brownies” and before Jae grows suspicious, he wipes his eyes with the back of his hand and bit his _just-kissed_ lip.

_Oh god, what did I do?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> feedbacks are appreciated. questions are welcomed 🤗
> 
> stay healthy! wash your hands! and please don't panic buy!
> 
> til next time~~~


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeeeeeEEEEEEHAW!
> 
> welcome baaaack! 😁
> 
> aaaand now the end is near...jk
> 
> Wonpil's messages to Wonshik are in different days that's why the timestamps (?) are different too
> 
> ENJOY~~~

**[23:11] Me:** Are u busy

**[22:52] Me:** Please call

**[23:33] Me:** Please reply

**[21:45] Me:** Don’t leave me on read

**[23:57] Me:** Answer my calls please

**KWP**

It has only been two days since the “ _incident_ ” and Wonpil felt like he was being eaten alive by the lie he was currently entangled with. And the hardest part was somewhere in the deep recesses of his mind and heart– _which he refuses to confront-_ was that he stopped trying his best to pretend to be his twin.

Somewhere between praying for longer patience for the then easily angered man to randomly being kissed by him, he forgot to be Wonshik. Forgot to take a moment and think how his brother would react.

Forgot that Jae doesn’t know who he is.

And maybe all the pretence he tried to do in the beginning had consumed him, he got fed up and he just doesn’t know how to act someone who isn’t him anymore.

_Did I even try to be Wonshik in the first place?_

“Earth to _my little star_.”

Snapping out of his reverie, he looks up to Jae who had already finished the ice cream cone they bought and was holding up a hand while the other adjusted its grasp on the other end of the grocery bag between them. “What is it?”

“Tissue, please. Thinking about something scandalous, _moonshine_?”

Seeing the disgusting smirk thrown at him, he slaps Jae’s arm using his free hand, spewing a denial that earned him a laugh.

Wonpil turns away with a growing blush. One, because Jae’s laugh have sent butterflies to his tummy again and two, because as much as he _has_ to avoid _it,_ he physically _can’t_ –or else the man will grow suspicious- (and it’s not like he _wants_ to give Jae a sudden cold shoulder just because he is starting to catch- _okay stop.)_ But more than that, what made him flush more was Jae’s random, sometimes cheesy nicknames that tickles his insides because he feels like Jae was calling him those affectionate names and not Wonshik.

_But it’s not that, is it?_

It started yesterday. They were lounging on the sofa, pressed side by side when out of nowhere, while they were scrolling through a library of music files trying to come up with The Most Tasteful Playlist by The Great Jaehyung™, Jae suddenly suggested something that started this whole finding the must endearment for him.

_-_

_“Hey Wonshik._ Wonshik _,” Jae misses his shoulder by an inch or so “we need an endearment.”_

_“Why? What for?” he asked distractedly, tongue out concentrating on the task at hand “Just use the one from before.”_

_“I realized ‘Babe's’ overrated. Everybody uses that.”_

_Wonpil choked on air, unconsciously blushing while his mind screeched to a halt thinking to himself “They call each other that?!”_

_Clearing his throat, he puts their phones down and twists a little to face the other “Oh really?”_

_“What about ‘Honey’?”_

_“Eung!” he squeaked before he bursts out laughing. It’s like something tickled him and despite the question being asked seriously, he couldn’t help but laugh._

_“Why are you laughing?” Jae pouts, poking him. “Are you blushing right now?” Slapping the hand away, Wonpil moved to turn back to what he was doing (in an attempt to avoid getting any more embarrassed) but Jae was faster, holding his arm, cupping his jaw and loudly plants a kiss on his cheek._

_“You are blushing.” the taller man stated with a triumphant grin when he drew away._

_-_

“What even is a moonshine?” Wonpil asks instead, pushing Jae to sit on one of the free spaces so he can pull out the wet wipes from the grocery bag.

Jae didn’t grant him any reply, only grinned boyishly as he cleaned his fingers. _Cute._ Irked for some reason from the thought, Wonpil huffs and turns away. Then something catches his attention.

“Ahh!” he says in excitement, pressing the bag the taller man’s leg “Stay there. I’ll be quick.”

“Huh? Wha-“ was the only thing he heard before he was too far to notice Jae’s funny gawking at being left suddenly.

True to his word, he didn’t bother with sales talk and just paid immediately for the item. Running back to Jae, he presents them with a bounce. Feeling the box in his hands, the other asks “What are these?”

“Walkie-talkies!”

Jae chuckles, smiling up to him “And what are we going to use it for?”

He only giggles in reply “We’ll manage.”

~

He wasn’t safe there.

Crouched beside the end of the sofa, legs pressed against his chest, Wonpil knew he wasn’t safe there. With a drop of sweat travelling down from his temples and hearing the careful footfalls, he also realized that it was too risky to move.

Something clicks, a short static then his walkie-talkie says “Hello _pumpkin_ , come out~”

“Cheater!” Wonpil screeches, not bothering to turn off the device now cackling in effort from Jae’s loud laugh. He was about to move, since Jae was still quite far from him, but suddenly Jaedong was sitting by his hand, innocently wagging his tail and staring back at him with puppy eyes.

“I’m just smart.” Jae calls somewhere close, but his attention was still with the dog who takes a step every time he crawls an inch away. His seeker laughs evilly making him turn to his direction, and sees him lifting a hand “Jaedong, I have a treat.”

The dog barks and jumps, circling him instead of going to Jae. Too shocked at the attack, Wonpil falls on his side and soon, Jae was crouching down next to him, tickling him to guffaws.

In between breaths and avoiding the licks from Jaedong and tickles from his human counterpart, he screams “Jaedong, the betrayal! Stop Jae!”

They were just letting the rain pass before going to the hospital for Jae’s follow up check-up, when the man, who was bored out his mind and couldn’t sit still suggested hide and seek.

Which was ridiculous, because of his disadvantage, but seeing that he was the one trapped below the twosome, he was the one at a disadvantage.

“I thought you favoured me, Dong.”

Jaehyung grins wicked, pushing his face to his “He does, that’s why he is helping me find you.”

With a flush, from laughing and Jae’s endearing smile, Wonpil pressed his palm on the other’s face and pushed it away as he moved to sit up, Jaedong standing on his lap.

“And you’re a cheater.”

“Again, I’m just smart, _buttercup_.”

Wonpil chuckles at that, patting the taller man’s cheeks “Okay that was a ridiculous nickname.” Looking out the window, he notices the lack of pitter-patters “I think we can go now.”

* * *

**PJH**

They were sitting side by side and hand entwined at the waiting lounge of the clinic, when his name was called. Jae was about to stand up, but the person beside him did it first.

“I’m going to wait outside.” There was squeeze on his hand before it tried to free itself from his hold.

Unwittingly, Jae holds on tighter, stopping the other from leaving. He doesn’t know why he did what he did.

“Jae?” the soft voice called but a softer touch met his cheek “What is it?”

“Nothing.” Jae smiles a little at feeling the hand squeeze his fingers again. He swallows subtly and was slow to let go. “I’ll have them get you, if need be.”

“Okay.” Then his cheek was pinched “You be good.”

Laughing a little easier, he smirks in reply “I am at my best behaviour!”

The giggles he received completely took his fears away.

-

_“Do you think I’ll get my eyes back?” he asked once when they were changing his bandages._

_There was contemplative hum and the idle noise of wrapping being ripped “What can you see now?”_

_Blinking, he turns his head sideways and takes in what little he could make out “Blurred shadows? Very minimal light but there are some.”_

_“The doctor did say it would take time. But you’ll get there.”_

_Jae frowns as the bandage was replaced but he questions still “You sure?”_

_“Never said I was.” Jae grunts while the other continued with his bubbles of chuckles. But as fingers massaged his temples, he deflates and hums in delight. “Cheer up. It’s not like it’s the end if you never see again.”_

_He agrees it’s not the end of the world. “But I want to see again. I want to see… you.”_

_“You said something?”_

_“Nothing.”_

-

“Hello, Jaehyung. How have you been?”

“I’ve been good.” He replies as the doctor, if his close proximity would be his basis, guided him away from where he was sitting before.

“That’s good to hear. Now sit here.”

With nothing else to do, he listens to the random sounds of papers shuffling and low muttering of the doctor. Then a chair slides to him “I’ll be taking this off alright?”

Nodding, Jae hums to himself as his eyes were freed once more. After that, he was instructed to keep his eyes closed for a few minutes before trying to blink repeatedly “I can-“ he swallows “I can see some color. It’s still not much but-“ and he trails off, feeling his eyes widen when he realized he is actually seeing something.

“I guess it’s healing really well.” The doctor claps his arms, a smile could be heard from his tone of speech. “We’ll run a series of tests now.”

With an excited smile he nods again.

* * *

**KWP**

While waiting for the check-up to finish and already bored with what he was reading, Wonpil closes the app and stood up to find the nearest vending machine to buy something to drink.

He was in the middle of choosing between cola and strawberry milk when a loud “Wonpil-hyung!” drew his attention away.

“Dowoon!” he exclaimed with a smile after the shock wore off, then at seeing the languidly walking man behind the bouncing-to-him younger guy, he waves “Sungjin-hyung!”

When Dowoon was close enough he glomps on him with a tight hug “I missed you Dowoon!”

“Ouch! Ouch ouch- _ssssh_ “

Pulling away in alarm, Wonpil inspects the slightly taller man, hands hovering. Then he noticed the gauze on his shin and bandage around his ankle “What happened?”

“He tripped,” Sungjin supplies, appearing beside Dowoon who was now leaning on the older man for support “and sprained his right ankle while playing with Kook.”

Wonpil narrowed his eyes, a scolding at the tip of his tongue because of course, the excitable boy would try to match a five year old child’s energy but Dowoon grins and claps hard on his arm “How are you Wonpil-hyung?”

He glares playfully, rubbing on the spot and replies “I’m good. But I can’t say the same for you.” His co-worker pouts earning a laugh from him and Sungjin “Seriously though, be careful.”

“Yes sir!” The other salutes before bouncing again on the balls of his feet “Will you be back soon?”

“I-“ he stammers, eyes flying between the two.

Sungjin returns the glance he sent with a raised eyebrow, most probably catching his moment’s hesitation because g _oing back means leaving Jae._ Biting the inside of his cheeks and internally squeezing his fingers -otherwise would have Sungjin question him and that would lead to a lot of things he _isn’t_ allowed to think about or consider- he nods, hoping that it was convincing enough to not warrant any words of worry from either of them “Yes.”

Because Jaehyung was never his to lose. Never his to think about.

Thankfully, before either of them could express out anything, a familiar voice broke their atmosphere “ _Sugar_?” turning he sees Jae standing at the end of the hall “Where are you?”

“Sugar?” the twosome echoes staring confusedly at him, causing him to blush.

“Ahh!” Wonpil gesticulates, flustered, and turns fully, meaning to walk away “I have to go now. I’ll be back soon!”

“Okay?” Sungjin and Dowoon shared a look but seeing him already halfway to Jae, they hurried out “See you!”

Wonpil waves and smiles at them one last time before joining Jae who had his lanky arms waving in front of him slowly.

Then he takes note of his face.

_His bandages are gone?_

_Does that mean…?_

When he noticed that Jae’s eyes were still unfocused and clouded, Wonpil smiles a little. But inside he was divided, not knowing if he should be happy that he still can’t see or dejected because of it.

_I’m getting selfish._

Stomping down on his thoughts before they grew uncontrollable, he reached out and interlaced their hands together, making his presence known.

* * *

**PJH**

“ _Sugar_?” Jae calls out, his head turning slowly from side to side as he stands awkwardly with his arms spread out in front of him. “Where are you?”

Eyes squinting, trying its best to be useful as his hands continuously reached out, he contemplated walking to find him. _Maybe he went to the restroom?_

Taking calming breaths, he squares his shoulder and decides to look for his companion. Before he can take a step forward familiar fingers embraced his own. And his breath hitches as he sees a hazy outline. It’s still blurry and unclear, but it’s there. He’s there.

_You’re here._

Jae takes another breath before squeezing his hand “Where were you?”

Another hand touched his face and tilts his head downwards. Swallowing because he could make out the gaze looking at him, the smaller man offers cheekily “Lost in your eyes?”

Jae throws his head sideways and snorts behind his fist earning him giggle from the other. “Really funny, _shortstuff_.”

Then the hand holding his was removed. He was about to protest but it simply joined the hand on his face, exploring and careful. Jae quirks a smile at the awed voice he heard.

* * *

**KWP**

“They removed it.” The tips of his fingers carefully touching the skin under his freed eyes. Looking up and tracing his features with just his eyes, Wonpil was hit again with wonder and awe.

_What a beautiful man you are, Park Jaehyung._

And somehow, Jae standing in front of him with that small proud grin of his, Wonpil thought, he was almost glowing.

“Since I’m done with the medication, no need to cover.” The older man explains then he wiggles his fingers in front of his eyes “We’re just going to wait for my vision to come back.”

“What do you see now?”

“Just some. Still pretty dim.”

But he was relaxed and unafraid. And despite his lack of sight, it was like he was seeing something enchanting with how bright his expression was. Then Jae smiles down to him, eyes darting here and there like he was trying to see him “Let’s go home? Jaedong must be getting lonely.”

_Home._

Wonpil bites his lip at the question hoping the other wouldn’t feel or hear how his loud heart pound just a tad faster then.

~

“Do you still sleep on the sofa?” Jae asks during dinner, adjusting his glasses with nimble fingers “You can sleep in my room you know?”

As soon as they got home – _back-_ the older man asked for his prescription glasses. When asked why, he explained with a sheepish smile. Something about finally reuniting with a missing appendage of a sort. Something about missing the non-existent weight on his nose.

Wonpil chewed slower, thinking of an excuse _because that would be too intimate-_ sharing a sleeping space that is “The doctor advised against that remember? I might accidentally hit your head.”

“Right.” Jae tilts his head to one side “But that was weeks ago, besides I feel better now.”

Sighing, well aware there was no outwitting a driven person like Jae, he humors him “Where?”

The man across him sits upright, a pleased smile blooming on his face “In my bed of course. It’s big enough for the both of us.”

Cursing himself at the imagines his head conjured from those words, Wonpil vehemently shook his head “No. I’d rather not.”

“Aw,” the other groans cutely, prolonging the syllable. Then with dripping sincerity and oozing self-hatred “Is it because I was mean to you? I was really bad then huh?”

“No! Of course not!” he frantically rebuts, not liking the deep slump on the curve of Jae’s shoulder “I can sleep with you. No problem.”

From a split second shock from his outburst, Jae suddenly lifts a suggestive brow “Oh?”

Realizing what he just said, he corrects with passion “No! Not that!” _Do they have sex? Of course they do, stupid._ With a lip bite, he sighs _“_ Not- _now._ At least.” After clearing his throat to get him back on track (because he doesn’t like where his mind is going with his assumption about his sibling’s relationship) he elaborates “And what I meant was I’m not going to sleep beside you. I’d really rather not take the risk of-“

“I’m just want to-“ Jae looks away, a little pink then while tapping his lower lip, he requested with a shy grin “can I cuddle you?”

“Okay.” He agrees without much thought, struck at the cute display he was witnessing. “But I’ll leave once you’re asleep.”

The now bespectacled man cheers adorably “Deal!”

_~_

_This is wrong._

Those were the words flashing on the forefront of his mind. After a quick wash up, he follows Jae’s incessant calls from their walkie-talkie and finds him sprawled smack at the middle of the his bed.

Propping his hands on his waists, Wonpil glares at the unseeing man, innocently beaming at him “Where am I supposed to lie down if you’re taking up most of the space?”

The other opens his arms in welcome and his smile turns mischievous “C’mon _sweetcheeks_ , I’m getting cold.”

“Then freeze you wet sock.” He bites back with a fond eyeroll. He walks closer and lifts a leg, meaning to squeeze himself to what little space was left, when the other dramatically pressed a hand on his chest.

“Punch me, it would hurt less.”

Grinning evilly, taking advantage of not being seen, he did just what was told and punches the nearest arm “Ouch!” Jae exclaimed, rubbing the arm “I was joking!”

“Scoot over!”

Jae moves a little but as soon as the bed dips, he threw his arms around him, pulling him down beside him, tangling their legs together.

Shocked because all he could focus on was that they were chest to chest, his head tucked under the taller man’s chin and he could smell the skin of his neck. He became a willing body pillow.

_This wrong in so many ways._

Then Jae’s palms were pressed against the side of his head, pulling him away. Swallowing, he nervously lifts his gaze to follow the movement. Captivated again by something he can’t see, as those pretty eyes had already fluttered close, he lets his face be peppered with Jae’s butterfly kisses.

His eyes shuts at feeling the soft caress of his lips on his skin. His cheeks got two each, then his jaw was drawn with a series of dots, his crown followed after then he got lost in them. Remembering that these sweet touches wasn’t his to begin with. That Jae’s sightless eyes is seeing a different face, kissing a fairer skin and with an aching heart, he was half-expecting him to call Wonshik’s name.

Because that’s who he is in that moment of intimacy. It was who he should be.

_I’m sorry._

“Come back to me.” Jae breathes out, bringing him back to the present. Then with a quick peck he whispers curiously “What are you thinking about?”

Closing his eyes, unable to bear the heavy affection he could feel from the other man’s gaze despite it still being clouded, he lies “Nothing special.”

Jae hums quietly, thumbs mindless in the way they caress the line of his jaw, then he quips playfully “It’s not me then.”

Involuntarily laughing, somehow suddenly feeling light, he jokes back “I’ll lose my mind if I think about you.”

“Ohoho~” the other wraps an arm around his torso to pull him closer before nosing his temple “That’s true I make people crazy for-“

Wonpil snorts, unimpressed and lifts a hand to pat the other’s round cheek “And if I go crazy who would be left to put up with your sorry ass?”

“Shots fired.” Jae states with wide eyes. “Also pretty mean, _darling_.”

“In retrospect, it’s kind of good if I did go crazy huh?”

“No, it isn’t. It’s bad.” Squeezing his middle and thumping his forehead on his, Jae continues “And do you know what bad means?”

“Bad means you saying you’ll sleep yet here we are.” He sighs theatrically, pretending to be tired.

“Oh shush you” Jae giggles against the skin of his temple then pulls away to face him “Where was I?”

“You’re right here.” Wonpil unknowingly murmurs, eyes roaming and committing Jae’s face to memory, already knowing that his time with him was finite and will stop sooner than later.

“I am.” Jae replies in a hushed tone, his expression softening almost like he understood what he meant and at his next words Wonpil shivers because it sounds like a promise to him, to no one but _him_ “And I am with you.”

What beautiful thoughts they were.

But that’s all they are, wishful thinking.

In a moment of vulnerability, he shuts them down and accepts Jae’s relaxed kisses. Those types that allows you to smile in between and just exist in the arms of your ‘someone.’

_I am not his though._

_I shouldn’t get use to this._

Aware of how deep his emotional investment was getting and how it will all end, he cries inside as he pushes his lips against Jae’s with underlying desperation he was barely holding in.

_But I am. I want to._

That night, still trapped in an embrace he didn’t deserve, he watches Jae’s peaceful rhythmic breathing, his fingers hovering at a safe distance. Close to touch but not allowed to.

As the night got deeper, with silent teardrops he confesses to the moon and the dark walls caging them, that this man holding him like he was someone worth his affection was, will be another one of his heartbreaks.

Difference is, he wasn’t sure how he’s supposed to begin piecing himself back after it does happen.

Because this will be a first of its type of heartbreaks.

* * *

**PJH**

Jae follows the dried trails on the plump skin under his fingers. Unafraid, he wonders softly “Why are you always crying?” He knew he wouldn’t receive any answer because the even breathing was indication enough that he was still deep in his sleep. _Still- I’m here for you._ Furrowing his eyebrows, Jae absentmindedly cards his fingers through the smaller man’s hair.

_What can I do?_

Few beats passed and his expression relaxes, instead he brushes it off and lets his hand move down to the small waist and pulls him slightly closer. Jae quirks a smile when hears the sleeping man hum quietly, unconsciously tucking his head under his chin.

Pressing his lips on the other’s crown, Jae mumbles “How do I make you happy?”

~

“Jae~ to the living room please~” The walkie-talkie around his neck crackles “Ja _aaaaaaehyungie~”_

“Bee-bee-bee-“ he replies after putting the glass down and navigating his way from the kitchen to where he was directed to go. Soon, he was bouncing on the sofa, his dog appearing out of nowhere to sit beside him “You need me _bee_?”

From somewhere on the floor, he sees an unclear movement then a body leans on his legs. A poke was followed with a teasing tone “Are you now going to use every animal you can think of?”

“It’s an insect.” Jae pats the other’s head with a patient smile “I can call you mine?”

Hearing the laughter he got from the line, Jae grins impishly while the other digs his chin on his knee “Smooth talker.”

Jae shakes his head, amusement probably oozing from his face. Pushing his glasses up on his nose, he asks “So what’s the purpose of my summoning, _milord_?”

“Oh right! You have a violin!” The smaller man giggles “I was looking for that book you asked for but I found this instead.”

_Ah._

_That cursed thing?_

Jae first met the violin when he was five. His uncle had him tag along to the shopping district under the guise of buying groceries, but he took him to a small instrument shop where he borrowed a violin and played for the owner, an old lady with reminiscent eyes, melancholic lines and a rather lovely smile.

It took one breathtaking performance from his uncle for him to be hooked with the instrument.

_“Music can heal, Jae.”_ His uncle shares as they were leaving, then with a wistful look towards the shop he continues _“It makes people happy.”_

Turns out, the old lady was his late wife’s mother and she was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. The melody he played was his wife’s favourite. And then and there, as little as he was, with bright eyes and brighter mind, he decided he would play for people’s happiness too.

_But why couldn’t I do that?_

* * *

**KWP**

“Yeah.”

Wonpil looks back up at Jae from admiring the woodwork, smile disappearing from the lack enthusiasm he received.

With a small unconvincing upturn of his lips, Jae continues “I forgot about that.”

“What?” he shakes his head in disbelief, voice cheery in hopes that the shadow that took over Jae’s face would leave already “No way! Let's get this baby out.”

“Baby?” Jae chuckles, smiling a bit more genuine to his general direction “Will that be our first born?”

“Of course not! Jaedong is.” He coos at the dog for emphasis before going back to focusing on taking the instrument out “Aw, how long have you kept it there? I don't think it's tuned anymore.”

Jae offers his hand, sliding down to sit beside him on the floor “Let me, I might still be able to do it by ear.” Propping the violin on his shoulder, fingers lightly dancing over its strings, Wonpil noticed but didn’t comment on the ragged breath he took. Then Jae whips his head to him “There's a piano app on my phone, can you play A for me? It's the-“

Following even when the instruction wasn’t finished, he unlocks the phone, loads the app and presses the right key.

The other looked startled from being cut-off midsentence, but shrugs it off with a grin. Straightening his posture, Jae requested “Do it again?”

And after just a few minutes of adjusting the pegs, Jae poses the bow over the neck, takes a breath and with expert fingers and a sweet open face, plays his music.

It was a story he was telling. A story that was his own, Wonpil believes. The thunderous beginning that had him holding his breath, was akin to how they first met, angry, loud and fast-paced then Jae breaks its cadence with a short stop, a profound silence. After that he continues with a mild tune, undulating and waving like being carried by a steady breeze or the calm flowing of the river. Then it proceeds to a lovely tune that had his heart pounding. He was painting a feeling now, an emotion he does not dare to name.

Wonpil opts to simply watch, enamoured as he was, and takes in the serene expression, closed eyes and relaxed mouth, lithe fingers dancing and body swaying with the music he was sharing. He feels full by how enchanting the whole picture was, how enthralling Jae is in that moment.

_In every moment._

By the ending, Jae slowly opened his eyes and lifts the bow away, with one last breath, he turns to him, face expectant and shy.

Wonpil melts inside. And with that, he slumps on the sofa behind them with a sound “ _Eung!_ ”

It breaks the unexpected tension on Jae, making him laugh out a question “What happened to you?”

“I died.” Wonpil dramatically sighs “My heart’s been moved.”

Jae lifts a fist to hide his smile and playfully bowed down to him receiving his applause. When he uprights though, there was a sad tone on his expression “If only they’d say the same.”

Brows furrowing, he gently prods “Hm?”

“I never told you this.” Jae begins, looking down to the instrument “I’ve always loved the violin. I feel exhilarated whenever I play. And I dreamed of playing and instilling passion to people who hears me play. I hoped to make them happy with my music.” He throws him a small smile but it was soon followed by defeat “My mom is pretty strict and firm on her beliefs though. One of them is that music isn’t a real career. I thought, if I follow what she wants, after that I can do what I want.”

It was silent for a few moments, but Wonpil was sure Jae wasn’t finished, so he waited. Soon, Jae opens his mouth again “Then I stayed here, but-“

Another long silence before he probes “But?”

“Maybe it’s just not for me anymore.” Jae chuckles, shrugging “Besides I’m almost done with my masters already, it would be a waste to-“

_“You’re wasting your life. No wonder Wonshik’s successful, he isn’t obsessed with a stupid piano.” Rip, they pull the bandage ruthlessly._

Exhaling, Wonpil brushes off the old memory and takes Jae’s free hand in his “Never say that about dreams. Never give up on them. Put them on hold but never give them up.”

The other looks at him ponderingly, strong gaze constantly moving as though to find him but it was obviously vulnerable.

He continues with a press of his lips on Jae’s knuckles “Music tells a galaxy of stories and you- you play with so much emotions, I’m sure-“ Wonpil smiles, hoping his voice would be able to convey his confidence in him and his situation “I’m sure if you play to her as best as you could now, she’ll hear you. Talk to her. Try.”

* * *

**PJH**

_“Violin?” his mom rubs her temple “This is college Jae. You need a proper career.”_

_“But music is a proper career.”_

_She sighed and looks tired even with the smile “Jae, darling, do you hear yourself?”_

_I just- I just wanted…mom. “I just want to play.” But he never did say that. Fast to accept his defeat and not wanting to see her sad eyes looking pleadingly at him._

_-_

It was after college when he tried again. But the counsellor simply looked at him confused, his department dean having the same eyes as his mother had then.

-

_“You’re good at this though? Why want a different path?”_

_“Because no sir, it’s not enough to be good.” But again he didn’t say that. Because what’s the point of fighting when no one supports him, when he can’t even support himself anymore._

_-_

All those eyes that stared at him, burning him down, all those words that tore him away piece by piece then was ruthlessly crushed to bits by the genuine words he was hearing now, the overwhelming support he can feel through each adoring kiss on his knuckle.

“And again, here you are.” Jae thought as he returns the gesture and pecks the smaller man’s fingertips. With a shaky breath but firm smile, he nods “Okay.”

_All I wanted was a friend, a companion who would stay. Yet here you are, meaning more to me than just that._

Upon this realization, Jae lets his hand do what they want. Anything to express the emotions filling him up to the brim.

* * *

**KWP**

Wonpil was about to say something back, but then Jae kisses his palm and with another breath, he mouths against his skin almost like he didn’t mean for it to slip “You heard me again.”

Sparks tingled his skin then because although it sounded like a love letter he had not meant to read out loud, his eyes moved and remained trained on him. Goosebumps rose, covering him wholly. From the sheer reverence in Jae’s gaze and the weight of feelings he invokes with those little words, Wonpil heart lodges in his throat. “Jae- I-“

“I-“ He was allowed to say it, to confess because he was supposed to be his boyfriend, but –Wonpil closes his eyes- _but its my feelings._ And so before he could commit a big mistake –the confession at the tip of his tongue- and make a bigger mess, Jaedong saves him.

The poodle, probably felt left out, jumps between them and licks their joined hands.

The taller man laughs freely then turns to his direction with a wide beam, eyes shut in mirth.

And he wished, more than anything in that moment, that he could return it. Whether it was the words or the smile, it doesn’t matter.

_But I can’t._

Later, in the middle of the night, he carefully untangles himself from the comfortable warm embrace, checks to see if Jae was asleep and leaves the room with his phone in hand.

Determined, he looks for his brother’s number but before he could press call, the device rings and the name flashed bright: **_Shik -.-_**

****

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you always ♥
> 
> feedbacks and questions are welcomed. here's my [CC](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo) too uwu
> 
> stay healthy, be properly informed and WASH YOUR HANDS! mwa~~


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haluuu how r u 🤗
> 
> Thank you for coming back and for your comments AAAAH I get so excited reading your thoughts you guys are so cute I'm about to combuST 😩❤️
> 
> enjoy~~~

**PJH**

_I’m back home?_

_And by home, he meant his childhood home, in the more quiet part of the town. He was standing in the middle of their living room. From his place, he can see the outside and through the window, Brian’s home just across the street._

_It’s been years since he saw this place. A place filled with loving moments and just him and his precious mother against the world._

**_Crack._ **

_“Mom, please.”_

_“I already said no Jaehyung!” Her petite stature tense, intimidating him. “I know what’s best for you!”_

_Jae stood frozen and helpless as she took his violin away from him “You will not delude yourself with this anymore!”_

**_Crack._ **

_“I mean, your mom’s right.” A devil’s whisper into his ears. He can’t see who was talking to him but he recognizes the voice “Why settle for the unsure when you have a secure future in front of you?”_

_Jae takes a step back from the looming figure, shapeless but familiar. Long digits reaching for his face “No wonder you’re alone.”_

_“I’m not alone. Not anymore.” Jae counters, somehow confident of what he was saying, staring right back at those beautiful gaze he once adored “I’m not alone-“ he turns to his side to see no one. “Where-?”_

_Then it was dark._

_Just footsteps resounding._

_And him drowning inside the darkness._

_“No. Don’t. No!”_

Jae woke up with a start. Sweaty and catching his breath, he unsteadily takes in the dark place and the quietness. “Is this still a dream?”

Reaching up, his fingers meets his hurriedly blinking eyes that doesn’t seem to see.

“Oh right.” _I’m blind._

Heart finally settling, Jae turns on his side and lets his hand find his solace.

Only to reach no one.

“Hey?” he calls weakly, feeling the rustled sheets of the empty space beside him “Where- where are you?”

_Calm down, Jae. Calm down._

After some failed attempts, he found his walkie-talkie on the floor and took a deep shaky breath before trying “ _Kitten_? Where’d you run off to?”

Silence.

_No._

Promptly sitting up and removing the heavy blankets over him, Jae runs for door, almost tripping on his own feet. Heart pounding in his ears and eyes burning.

_Not yet._

Static noise made him stop just as he flings the door open and followed by a trembling “Sofa.”

Call him dramatic, but he could feel his knees shake, borderline ready to give up on him. Outstretching an arm, he props himself by the wall and took calming breaths. That is until he heard soft sniffling.

Perking up, he walks towards where he knows the sofa was. Where his little seeing eyes and long fingers found a small body was sitting tightly curled on “Are you crying?”

“No-“ the voice hiccups as Jae took a seat beside him, pulling him away from hugging himself and into his embrace.

* * *

**KWP**

Wonpil wanted to pull away from Jae.

He doesn’t deserve to be comforted by him or anyone. He doesn’t deserve his kindness or any of the good feelings he has given as soon as those strong arms engulfed him, removing the thorns on his lungs, the fog in his vision and the poison inside him.

No. He didn’t deserve to feel any of that. He didn’t deserve relief nor a breath.

_But maybe this is how I’m being punished._

Burying himself further into Jae’s tight embrace, he fists on the hem of Jae’s sleepwear and burrows his head on his chest. Wonpil knows, his punishment will come soon –his punishment for forgetting his place, for breaking his brother’s heart and for stringing an innocent Jae into his play house where Wonpil has someone who would choose him.

Where Wonpil was Jae’s _someone._

“Just a nightmare.” He lies again, not meeting Jae’s eyes “I don’t really remember.”

_-_

_Incoming Call: **Shik -.-**_

_Not thinking any more of it, he slides to answer and closes the door to where Jae was sleeping soundly._

_“Hey-“ his brother greets but Wonpil cuts him off, afraid that his determination to stop this charade will fade as the clock ticks “Wonshik, when are you coming back?”_

_Wonshik sighs, most likely irked at being interrupted “Why?”_

_“He needs you.” Wonpil breathes out, crouching on the floor just in front of the bedroom door “Just come home. Now. Right now.”_

_“I can't Pil.” His twin groans like he was repeating a lecture to kid “I can't just fly back because of that.”_

_Wonpil bites his lip and stares blankly at a random spot across him, completely ignoring Jaedong licking his arm “When are you coming home then?”_

_“There’s an extension. Just a few days.”_

_I can’t do this anymore. Come home._

_“He hasn’t caught on right?”_

_"Wonshik please."_

_"You’ll survive. And don’t call. Okay? I’ll be in attending important meetings.”_

_“Wonshik-“_

**_Beep._ **

_“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”_

_-_

Jaedong jumps from his place on the floor and squeezes himself by his back as though to sandwich him further against Jae.

They stayed like that for a few beats of comfortable silence. The little dog rubbing his back, Jae’s fingers combing his bowed head and his lips pressed against the heated skin of the taller man’s neck.

_Another sin he commits._

“Don’t cry alone anymore.” Jae mouths on his forehead “You can’t cry alone okay? I’ll cry with you. We’ll cry together. You know what,” Jae pushed him away and faces him. Wonpil reluctantly meets his eyes. And there he sees everything he wants but can never have- Jae’s brown gentle gaze solely focused on him. “I’ll cry now. To make up for every time I made you cry.”

_I’m not strong enough to stop it, Wonshik._

Jae dramatically heaves and makes an exaggerated weeping noise that had him bubble out small giggles.

Wonpil watches tenderly, despite the pinpricks behind his eyes and the bricks suffocating him, as Jae lit up the whole room with his wide teasing smile. _Just one more._ Wonpil kisses the corner of his mouth and murmurs “You don’t need to do that. You didn’t mean to then.”

Jae held his head in place and reiterates “Still-“ But a noise of protest from him had Jae stopping “Okay, but promise me. You won’t cry alone. If you need to cry, tell me, then we’ll cry together.”

Chuckling a little to hide how he truly feels, he asks instead “Why for?”

* * *

**PJH**

He doesn’t answer immediately, opting to try and see more than what his eyes is capable of at the moment. Unsuccessful, he smiles softly and caresses the face in his hands “For you to know there’ll be someone who will wipe your tears for you-“ fingers delicate in the way they move “Like so.”

“But you will be crying too?” the other laughs out a little “It will be counter-productive-“

“No it’s not.” Jae answers confidently.

Then the smaller man’s familiar fingers were on his skin now too. Tracing the arcs and curves of his face as though painting him anew “Because I would just be wiping your tears for you instead.”

Jae grins impishly, hoping it would elicit another laugh from him “Exactly.”

There was a burst of disbelieving chuckle and a pinch on his cheeks “What is?”

He pulls his face near and bumps their noses, earning him another tiny giggle “Just- you won’t cry alone from now on okay?”

When the response he received was small hum, Jae fake pouts, pushes his head away and pulls the fingers on his cheeks so that it was between their faces. He holds their hands together before he forcefully curls and links their pinkies to each other “There pinky-promise. You can’t break that.”

“Okay, Jae.”

Not releasing their hands, Jae pulls it down to their lap, drops his forehead on the smaller man’s and closes his eyes. “Hey-” he begins but hesitates on his next words.

_What can I do?_

The other squeezes his fingers when he took too long to collect his words and invites him “Let’s go back to sleep?”

_I’m here. You know that right?_

~

“Do you want to go out sometime this week? A picnic maybe? Or anywhere you want to go?” Jae asked over dinner, hoping it would start a conversation to fill the dreadful silence they were spending their night with.

There was a long blank moment that had Jae’s heart pounding, then a tentative reply was heard “Are you asking me on a date?”

Taking a spoonful of the soup they were having to stop his mouth from the frown tugging on his lips at receiving the weak answer. _Smile please._ “What else, _cupcake_?”

A small noncommittal giggle, but nothing more. “Okay.”

_What’s wrong?_

“Hey-“ Jae begins, hesitant. _There is so much I'll risk if I- but if I have to -_ but his train of thought got interrupted by his ringtone. The distinct one he set for his mother.

“Jae? Your mom is calling.” A smaller hand took his and played with his fingers. His voice was careful and understanding “Are you going to answer?”

Suddenly feeling small, Jae plays with the fingers curled in his and shakes his head.

“Why?”

“I guess…” The hand removes itself from his hold but he doesn’t notice. He didn’t hear it too when the other moved closer and pulled the chair to sit beside him. Jae only caught up when his head was pulled and tucked on the smaller man’s neck. Slumping and allowing himself the vulnerability, he chuckles roughly “I’m still scared.”

“Hm?”

Jae shrugs a shoulder, hands fisted at the bottom of the other’s shirt “Don’t want to get my heart broken by her again.”

“But you haven’t even heard what she’ll say.”

“Yeah…” pressing his face against the skin of his neck, Jae hides from the world “but just the thought of hearing those words again-“

-

_“If this violin is the problem then I am taking this away from you!”_

_“If you don’t want to go to college I’ll have Brian’s father find you work in their company-“_

_“Why can’t you just listen to me, Jaehyung? I’m telling you, there’s no future with this thing!”_

_-_

Fully wrapping his arms around the smaller man’s torso, he chokes out as he squeezes the body for comfort “I don’t think I can yet.”

“When was the last time you talked?”

The smooth up and down movement of a hand on his back was what kept him grounded as memories flood him “Last talked? College grad maybe? Last saw her, well in person, was before she left me here.”

“Do you give her updates at least?”

“Mm, through Brian? Sometimes, but she doesn’t know about the accident-“ A small noise of question had Jae giggling “I can hear you frowning _sunshine_.”

“I wasn’t!”

Pulling away a little just so their faces where directly across each other, Jae squints at what he could see and pecks whatever his lips could land on “She already have so much on her plate back there, I can handle myself.” Pinching the other’s cheeks, he moves closer as though to peer teasing at the other man “You can handle me well enough.”

* * *

**KWP**

Wonpil glares at those teasing eyes, actually contemplating on slapping Jae’s face but then the taller man steals another kiss “Are you blushing now?”

Grumbling, but guilty as charge, he dodges “Don’t change the subject.”

“I’ll try.” Jae smiles, sincere and it had Wonpil’s heart squeeze painfully in his chest “I promised you that. Just…not yet.”

With a hum of agreement, he drops the conversation. But not wholly, because Jae has to face it someday anyways “Do you miss her?”

“Everyday.” Wonpil moves Jae’s bangs to reveal his sad eyes “Sometimes I blame myself…if I hadn’t been stubborn-“

Wonpil squeezes the other’s face and threatens “Finish that thought and I’m slapping you.”

Jae burst out laughing making him chuckle too. “That’s brutal, _peanut_.”

He rolls his eyes at another one of Jae’s ridiculous nicknames for him but beams nonetheless at light on his face. _He looks extra dashing with a smile._ “Maybe you could’ve went about it in a different way but never apologize for wanting to live your life the way you want it. Besides, she will always be your mom.” At Jae’s nod, he softly prods “What was she like?”

Soon after hearing his curious question, Jae perks up, not unlike the little dog wagging his tail by their legs under the table “Oh, my mom’s a super hero.”

Wonpil spent the next few hours with his stomach hurting because of how hilarious Jae was sharing the stories of his and his mother’s antics when he was younger. He eagerly listens in and reacts spontaneously at Jae’s excited words and bellows of laughs that sometimes interrupts his anecdotes.

Even when they were cleaning up the dishes and washing up for bed Jae didn’t stop from sharing.

And Wonpil knew just with how much his cheeks were hurting and the bright expression on Jae’s face, that he and his mother will meet eyes soon. And Wonpil would love that for Jae.

As they settle after another round of giggles and pillow slaps, Jae hugs him that catches him off guard “Thank you.”

Wonpil hums and opted to just stare at the face near his. Pillows side by side and gazes on each other.

_If only it’s me you’re seeing._

Before Wonpil could begin with his wallowing in impossible possibilities, there was a a pair curious hands tracing his face. “What are you doing?”

“I'm trying to see you.”

Lip in between his teeth, Wonpil asks, hoping Jae wouldn’t feel his heart “I don’t think it works that way.”

Jae gazes at him softly for a few heartbeats. Then at the tender expression his eyes widen when Jae confesses “I missed you today.”

Struggling to get any words out, with how loud his heart was beating, Wonpil stutters “We aren’t apart though?”

Jae shakes his head and smiles in that soft sincere way of his where his eyes crinkle sweetly “I miss you always.”

**_Stab._ **

“I can't wait to see you.”

**_Stab._ **

“Don’t you miss me?”

Heart lodging in his throat at the innocent but earnest teasing, Wonpil presses his face on Jae’s chest, not bothering to answer.

Simply because he can’t.

He shouldn’t.

_I love you, Jae._

* * *

**PJH**

“Join me?”

“Jae-” he sighs then laughs small “no.”

Today was the third day and also his third time getting his invitation rejected. Well, it wasn’t a serious request, but he hadn’t receive the reaction he thought he could elicit from whatever words he had been spewing.

Pretending to be upset he stomps to the bathroom and hides a smile when he heard a louder giggle from the other.

_He’ll take what he can get._

A little later, he presses the button on his walkie-talkie and annoyingly bothers the one on the other side “Pssst.”

“Pss _ssst.”_

_“Pssssssst.”_

Jae can imagine a deep frown from the flat reply he received. “What?”

Nevertheless, he smiles wider. Mischievous and plotting. “Did you know that goldfish-” he stops then clicks again “don’t actually have a three second memory span?”

He waits for anything from the other line. When he received a small hum he continues “For a small animal with a correspondingly sized brain they can remember stuff too.”

“Okay…?”

After he was sure the other was waiting for his continuation, Jae shares “A kid experimented with his pet fish.”

He giggles to himself when he heard the exasperated but definitely amused tone “Jae, what are you talking about?”

“Distraction _sweetheart_.” He stops to bark out a laugh before clicking again “I kind of need to not think about _it_.”

“Huh?”

“It should just happen, you know.”

“What is? Where are you even?”

Jae collects himself and finishes his proud chuckles over his plans before revealing, pretending to be serious with his voice “Bathroom. I’m taking a dump.”

“What!” Then a loud thud followed from outside the bathroom.

He bellows with his whole chest before suddenly curling in himself upon the shot of pain “My head hurts.”

* * *

**KWP**

After shooing Jae and telling him he could finish it so the taller man can take a shower already, Wonpil was found packing the last of whatever necessities they might need for the short trip he had planned for them that day. He was also already dressed and ready to go.

He just settled Jaedong’s food and water when a loud scream was heard from where Jae was.

Blood running cold and fearing the worst, Wonpil runs to the room and bursts inside frantically. “What’s happening-” only to have a full view of Jae’s bare torso, hair wet and still dripping “Oh my god!”

Turning away, he slaps his cheeks and cries to himself.

_Oh my god how to unseen that?_

“Didn’t think you’re the type to burst in like that.” Jae teases. Peering over his shoulder, Wonpil saw the taller man walking toward him with a proud smirk, holding the towel around his waist.

Blanking out, he stares at Jae’s approaching form.

Then there was a firm poke on his lower back making him jump and snap out. Quickly gathering himself he runs away “Hurry up!” Distracted, he slams onto a corner _“Fuck!”_

Jae had the audacity to fake concern “Are you okay out there _hummingbird_?”

“That’s a stupid nickname Jae!”

The boisterous laughter had him burning to his toes.

~

“Where are we going?”

Wonpil shakes his head fondly. They just got down the correct station and was walking hand in hand to the exit, when Jae voiced the same question since they boarded the train. “It’s a surprise.”

He was watching Jae turning his head every now and then, squinting at whatever was bright enough and answering questions whenever the taller man has one.

“What’s that one- What is it?”

Wonpil snaps out from staring at the booth and squeezes Jae’s hand, prompting him to continue walking. “Nothing.”

“It’s not nothing. Tell me.” Jae stops, pulling him back a little. “Tell me. Tell me~”

“It’s a photobooth.” He concedes when he couldn’t help but laugh at Jae’s make faces.

“Yeah?” The taller man smiles and lifts their linked hands upwards “Then let’s go!”

_Let me have this one, Wonshik. Just this picture._

Smiling his best, Wonpil stretched his cheeks until they hurt. But it was an easy feat, because Jae goofed in front of the camera until they were laughing loudly clowning each other.

_If only, it could stay this way._

_~_

The sun was high despite only being quite early in the morning. They were trekking a rough uphill road that are surrounded by more trees than houses.

He was describing the view when suddenly Jae lets go of his hand, crouches down and lightly settles his violin case beside him.

“You’re a liar.”

Freezing up, Wonpil feels unsteady with his footing and cautiously reaches out for Jae – _not yet, please, let me have this day at least-_ “Jae-“

“ _Popcorn_!” Jae wails, lifting his head and pouts at him. “You said just five hundred more steps! This is my five hundred first!”

In disbelief, Wonpil staggers then with belated relief that allowed him to breathe, he bursts out laughing. Tears actually leaking at the corners of his closed eyes. “You were counting?”

Jae grins up to him impishly, like a little boy realizing that his prank was a success. “Of course not.”

Giggling still, Wonpil drops the basket as he crouches in front of the big baby he found himself far too fond off “The trees look happy today.”

“They look happy?” Jae repeats, stunned at the sudden observation from him.

“Mm. They’re now a pretty color of greens and reds and yellows.” Wonpil looks back at Jae only to find him staring intently at him, chin propped on his palm and a smile playing on his lips. Wonpil swallows and struggles to continue “and they’re dancing too, like this-“ he takes Jae hands and waves them about with his as though to demonstrate what Jae can’t see yet.

The taller man chuckles out a fond laugh –fond because it releases butterflies in his stomach that he doesn’t know how to deal with- and the way he hummed “It smells nice.” made Wonpil almost wish for something selfish.

“Mm.” He answers distractedly, voice suddenly thick “The flowers are in full bloom, I don’t really identify any of them, but those are daisies, I think? Ah! Your allergies!”

Jae untangles his fingers to find his face. He gently brushes away the tuff of his hair that was swaying with the breeze “It’s okay, I took some meds before leaving remember?”

Wonpil couldn’t look away even if he wanted to, not when Jae had this hopeful touch on the way his mouth was upturned delicately “Don’t worry too much about me and just enjoy-” he pauses to squint at their surroundings “-wherever we are going anyway.”

“We’ll be there soon.” He answers with a sincere smile adjusting the glasses on Jae’s nose and actually feeling better despite the guilt building up again.

* * *

**PJH**

“Ah! Piri-hyung!”

A shrill voice greets them as soon as he was pulled through what seemed to be a threshold. Then an older, caring voice –nothing unlike that of doting grandmothers- was heard just somewhere beside him “Welcome back, sweetheart.”

“Thank you for having me- us.”

His companion answers. Instinctively he bows in greeting too but when he was sure they were left alone, he whispers while he was guided inside “Where are we?”

“It’s a children’s shelter. They have-”

The shrill voice from earlier was heard again, somewhere down below and near them “Piri-hyung!”

But the other simply pulls him along by the hand, completely ignoring the relentless calls of _“Piri-hyung”_ following them.

Curious, he whispers again “Piri-hyung?”

“Seungmin’s calling the attention of one of the older children.” was the quick explanation.

“Oh. Okay.” Jae accepts, then asks again “You know them?”

“I’ve been here some time before.”

Before he could prod some more, Jae was pushed to sit and the back pack was taken off his back. “I’ll be back, Jae. Stay here.”

“Okay.” He concedes and accepts the glass that was pushed to his hand. As soon as the familiar footfalls fades another pair of thunderous steps approaches him.

“You!”

Jae gulps the water and wipes his mouth before asking dumbly, eyeing the spot he thinks the child was “Me?”

The child- most probably Seungmin- stomps and pokes his leg “What did you do to my favourite hyung?”

Confused, Jae squints “Who?”

“To my _bunny hyung_!” Seungmin growls, probably getting annoyed at his understandable state of confusion.

“Ah…” Jae nods, before teasing “you mean _my bunny_?”

A loud gasp then a louder stomp of his foot “How dare you!”

Jae chuckles, messing the hair he can kind of see and grins wider when he heard someone enter, taking a chance he calls “Hey _bunny_?”

“Yes?”

“Nothing.” He remained staring at the child. Well, he hopes he was actually staring “I just miss you.”

There was pathetic slap on his back and an indignant huff before he was left alone with Seungmin again “Oho~ he’s blushing right now wasn’t he?”

At disadvantage, Jae doesn’t see the swift kick to his shin “Ouch!”

“That’s what you deserve!” Seungmin mocks “But once hyung hears my gift for him, I’ll be his favourite person again!”

Brows furrowing, he asks “Gift for what?”

“Ha! You don’t even know that it’s his birthday today!” The child laughs evilly. “Loser!”

“His what!” With the exclamation, he stands and tries to find him “ _Bub!_ ”

“Hey where are you going?!”

* * *

**KWP**

Wonpil turns just in time to see Jae hit a desk, probably miscalculating his steps in his hurry. Approaching the man, he entwines his fingers through Jae’s awaiting ones.

Once in front of him, Jae tightens his hold. With a deep frown, the taller man whines “You didn’t tell me it’s your birthday today!”

Breath stopping for a moment, Wonpil struggled to find an excuse for the date until it dawned to him that they were twins and they share a birthday.

_How stupid._

“I forgot?” The unimpressed look on his face made Wonpil laugh, and with it, Jae’s expression simmers down and allows a small quirk at the corner of his lips. Smiling too, Wonpil confesses “You’re spending this day with me. That’s a great gift already.”

“Sweet talker.” Jae says as he looks away while pushing his glasses.

Wonpil snickers and teases “Only for you.”

“Hmph.” The taller man glares with a pout “I’m still upset.”

“ _Eung!_ Are you really?”

The squeeze on his fingers was enough answer.

The rest of day was spent with playing charades and singing and story-telling. The kids adored and enjoyed Jae’s company, always gathering around him and describing stuff to him. Even Seungmin, preferring to stick with Jae despite their beginnings.

He even spied them whispering aggressively to each other. Or at least Seungmin was aggressively frustrated and Jae was curious and a whole lot amused.

Wonpil lets them be. But now, seeing the tall man, charming everyone, he silently files in his memories Jae’s smiles and giggles while surrounded by children.

It has been his promise to himself, to spend his special day with these children. They were actually in his hometown, where he and Wonshik had spent their childhood at. And the shelter had been his breath of fresh air when he couldn’t handle his thoughts anymore. The children from he was in his teens to the present time were the ones that had made him save himself and look forward to another year.

“ _Hopefully-_ ” sitting beside an enamoured Seungmin, Wonpil thinks as he lets himself drown and be engulfed by the scene of Jae’s warm and beautiful playing, the afternoon sun bathing him like an angel arising “with just this one selfish day with you, I’ll get through the rest of my days.”

Wonpil couldn’t look away when Jae finished the piece and beams at him despite having a whole crowd applauding to his performance.

_If only this day wouldn’t end._

Later, after eating what the caretakers had prepared, along with the food they had brought and greeting him with wishes, Wonpil smiles softly at seeing Seungmin yet again gulping nervously in front of everybody.

Nodding encouragingly, Wonpil wonders what the boy had prepared for him this year.

“To my most favourite person in the entire galaxy.” Seungmin begins, sneaking a glance at him and glaring a little at Jae who took his place beside him.

Clearing his throat, the child continues “Thank you for being born. Thank you for giving us everything we wanted. Thank you for never forgetting about us.” Wonpil doesn’t take his eyes away from Seungmin, even when he felt a pinky embracing his “You found me when no one wanted me anymore. And now I have you and this small family.” Seungmin looks up with a shy smile before continuing “When I grow older, I’ll make you proud and-“

_I’m always proud of you._

_-_

_“Piri! Look! Teacher gave me two stars!”_

_“Piri! Mama said my reading is really good!”_

_-_

“I’ll be a good person just like you. I’ll be their little helper and I’ll support my little siblings here and love them with all that I have. Just like you do.”

_You are a good person. And you love me in the way you know how._

_-_

_“Aaaahh Piri my crush asked me out today!”_

_“Piri! It’s our birthday again!”_

_-_

_“_ I hope you’ll stay until I am able to give back to you.”

_I’ll stay, Shikie, even when you won’t._

_-_

_“I got the scholarship. You should’ve tried your hardest, Pil.”_

_“I’m leaving.”_

_-_

_“_ Either way,” Seungmin chokes on his own words “we’ll always be here until we meet again, hyung. Happy birthday.”

Wonpil approaches the child and embraces him tenderly “Thank you, Seungminnie.” Wiping his tears, Wonpil holds the child’s face and murmurs “Piri-hyung loves you very much.”

Seungmin’s eyes fills with fresh tears and Wonpil does too before they were scooped up in Jae’s big embrace and soon they were a dog pile under the heavy hugs from the other children.

Wonpil laughs tearfully, another blessing he gets to keep.

Soon, they were saying their goodbyes and Wonpil readies himself for another one of Seungmin’s routines whenever he visits “Are you leaving already?”

Wonpil nods sadly and bites back a smile when the child stares hard at Jae as though to find a teammate before repeating “Already?”

He sighs, and nods again. Usually, Seungmin just pouts but hugs him goodbye, but today, he stomps his feet and accuses “You’re always leaving just after a day!”

Before Seungmin could run and hide from them though, Jae catches his arm and remains firm despite the hard resistance. “Hey- hey- how about I promise,” Jae begins, patting the child’s head “that we’ll come back soon? Like in a blink of an eye.” Wonpil looks away at Jae’s sincere negotiation- _there will be no more, Jae-_ “Bunny-hyung promises that too.”

At that, Wonpil mustered his all to show a convincing reassuring smile, before sitting beside Jae to be at eye level with Seungmin.

The boy sniffles and frowns, but agrees.

As Jae smiles triumphantly, he pushes Seungmin to him “Now apologize to bunny-hyung. Or do you want me to be his favourite person now?”

“I’m sorry, bunny-hyung.”

Wonpil shakes his head and presses his lips on Seungmin’s forehead.

It took another few minutes before the children let them go and the trek back to the station was spent with comfortable silence. The whole ride back was spent with little talk but it wasn’t awkward or anything, the ambience was akin to their lazy afternoons in Jae’s living room where Jae sleeps on his lap as he hums him and Jaedong to sleep. That is, until Jae voiced out while they were waiting for a taxi to bring them back to his apartment “Were you happy today?”

Stunned for a moment especially because of Jae’s lazy hand that momentarily caressed his head, Wonpil took the time to answer “Mm! It was a day well spent!” with a small chuckle he continues “And I have tons of gifts from the kids. And I have our picture too!” His eyes takes in Jae’s intent gaze and receives it wholly, for once ignoring the gnawing in his head of how selfish he was being “You see, happiness can come from the smallest of things, so just spending this day with precious people is more than enough.” He finishes with a smile that turns upside down when Jae pats his head with a thoughtful look “What is it?

Jae grins boyishly and charming “I’m thinking if you’re considered small still.”

Eyes widening and cheeks heating up “Are you blushing? You-“ Wonpil was about to retort when Jae’s teasing was interrupted by a pained groan.

“Jae? What is it?”

“Head-“

“Jae!”

~

Deciding that it would be best to stay the night in the hospital just in case the headache comes back, Jae was admitted for monitoring. The nurse just left them and Wonpil can still feel his hand tremble.

From remnants of his worry earlier and from what he knows was inevitable.

But for now, he helps Jae get more comfortable before he leaves for home.

_Home huh?_

“Hey, _sweet pea_?” The bespectacled man catches his wrist that was near his head and entwines their fingers.

Quietly taking an unsteady breath, he sasses to cover his nerves and mask his emotions “Still with the pet names?”

Jae smiles tenderly, pressing their linked hands on his plump cheek, his eyes trying their best to see him “What should I call you then?”

Wonpil.

_Wonpil._

**_Wonpil._ **

Heart squeezing painfully and eyes starting to burn, he suggests with pretend confidence “How about _cutie_?”

“Ew. So unoriginal.” Jae rolls his eyes earning a playful hit from him. He chuckles a little after then he lets go of his hand, removed his glasses and placed it by his head and turns to his side, gaze still on him “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

“Hm.” he replies pulling his now free hand close to his chest, smile small and unconvincing.

“You’ll be here when I wake up?”

Laughing a little at Jae’s display of adorableness -with his eyes wide and glistening not unlike Jaedong’s when he wants another treat or belly rub- he teases, shoulders relaxing a little “Miss me already?”

Jae chuckles but sternly nods like his question was of some grave importance “Yes.” Then he softens up “Do you promise you’ll be here? I want to see you first thing in the morning.”

“Then I promise that-” mustering all the playfulness he can gather, he cutely swears with a tinny voice “ _Wonshikie_ will be here tomorrow morning.”

Jae quirks a small, oddly _hopeful?_ smile and repeats almost like a command than a request “You will be here.” His pinky was raised expectantly.

Delicately curling his own, throat closing he pushes the words out “Yes. I will.”

“Good night, _my heart_.” As he squished his cheek against his pillow sleepily, Jae pulls their chained pinkies to his lips, pressing barely there kisses, like he was chanting some form of magic seal on their promise.

choked up with feelings and unable to stop himself, Wonpil removes his finger and uses the same hand to push Jae’s bangs as he bends down to press his mouth on the other’s forehead. Staying in that position a beat longer than necessary, _than allowed_.

“Hey.” Jae calls lowly as he forced himself to pull back. Their gazes meet.

Wonpil wants to look away but he can’t. He doesn’t want to.

_Just one more._

“I love _you_.”

Eyes filling up and chest constricting, he struggles to not run away then and there. _Please no. Take it back._

_I’m not Wonshik._

But Jae’s expression was serious despite him slowly getting droopy from the medicine. His fingers looked for his face and cup them carefully once he found it within reach “I want you to know that I’m yours and you won’t ever lose me.”

Lips shaking, Wonpil teases weakly “Sap.” then bites his mouth to stop it from spilling. _I love you._ It’s not for him to reciprocate after all. “Good night.”

Receiving one last sleepy smile from him, Wonpil turns his back and leaves. A tear escaping.

_Good bye, Jae._

As he closes the door behind him, Wonpil wipes his eyes before another escapes and barely holds himself together. He can’t cry here. Heaving a heavy inhale while adjusting the bags he was carrying, he moves to walk away.

“Kim Wonshik?”

* * *

**PJH**

He wakes up to the sound of the rain, not pouring but not light showers either.

Blinking his eyes open, he got hit by an overwhelming amount of light enveloping him. With a groan, he closes them immediately.

_Wait. Light?_

Shocked and eyelids flying open, he turns to his side and _sees_ the blurry window. Adrenaline filled his bloodstream, he sat up and reached beside him, snatching his glasses and wears them in quick successions.

There in front of him, is his reflection, gaping at the window where he can clearly see that it’s wet outside, wet and a little dark. He was hoping to wake up to the sun high and warm like yesterday, but waking up to having his vision back was better.

Jae smiles wide and giddy.

_Finally._

Then his room door slides open.

Whipping his head to see who his first visitor was his wide smile simmers to a soft upturn and he adjusts his glasses “Hey, Wonshik.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end.
> 
> Thank you errbody for giving this much love and I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I did. Please share with me how you felt or whatever you're thinking about. ☺️
> 
> Stay healthy okay? I hope somehow these stories gives you a tiny bit of comfort through these times. But anyways, before I cri ksjslkjsl until my next story! bye~~~ 
> 
> my [CC](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)
> 
> p.s. I'm just kidding ehe 😅 see ya next chapter~


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BRATATA~~
> 
> I am sorry for scaring you all. 😅
> 
> AAAAAHHHH IT'S SO FUN TO READ YOUR COMMENTS I AM READY TO COMBUST NOW 😂 but not yet we still have a lot of questions to answer for now *dramatic drum rolls* here's chapter six. Enjoy you awesome humans~~

**_[02:17] Shik -.- :_ ** _i’ll be there by tmrrw mornin_

**KWP**

It felt like there was an iron chain stopping him from walking but Wonpil knows his time is up. He can’t live in his daydreams anymore.

Swallowing another sob, he just took a reluctant step away from where he left his heart with when a hand pulls him back.

Shocked, he turns and almost slams unto a solid body. Looking up, he sees a man around Jae’s age and height. Face sharp and painted with confusion. Probably how his face was also at the moment.

_Who-?_

“You aren’t Kim Wonshik.”

Eyes rounding, Wonpil steps back from the looming figure. It wasn’t a question. He wasn’t asking. He knows who his brother is.

“Who are you?” the man grinds out, and Wonpil was terrified, not for himself but what this can do to _them_ “Why- what- where’s Wonshik?”

Gaze flying towards where Jae was as though half-expecting him to slide the door open, Wonpil swallows with difficulty and stares back at the stormy eyes glaring at him.

The hand gripping him was also starting to dig unto his arm, and it hurts.

_I deserve this._

Ignoring the pain shooting from his limb and not bothering to resist or pull away, he lifts his eyes up and receives the murder in the other’s dark glare.

“Not here.”

“What?”

“We can’t talk here.” Biting back the whimper when the grip tightens, Wonpil pleads “Please not here. Jae is resting. Jaedong also haven’t had dinner yet.”

“Jaedong? What?” The taller man blinks in incredulity before going back to scowling at him, already piecing everything together. “Does he know?”

Wonpil looks away, nails digging on his palm to distract him from choking up. Then his arm was pulled hard. “Does he know?!” Unable to stop it, he croaks out weakly already feeling himself drained from everything that’s happening “He doesn’t need to know.”

“What fucked up-“ The man squeezes his arm again and it’s really painful but he ignores it again and stares back up at him, cutting him off “Please?”

~

As soon as he stumbled inside the home for what seems like a long time he felt the overwhelming urge to cry. He wanted to scream out how unfair everything was. He wanted to stay. With Jae, with Jaedong, with this life he never asked for but all the same want to keep.

_Why can’t it be me?_

“You have a lot of explaining to do.”

And just like the whole taxi ride back to the apartment, Wonpil sighs but ignores Brian –Jae’s best friend- and robotically drops the bags he was carrying on the sofa.

-

_“Just in case you need a name to add on your list of people to poison, my name’s Kang Younghyun. You would probably recognize me as Brian though.”_

_Wonpil shivers under his light sweater. This was Jae’s best friend. The one he occasionally calls before they call it a night. His brother._

_There was a cruel laugh from beside him when he didn’t return the gesture after Brian introduced himself “its common courtesy to say your name in return don’t you think?”_

_Feeling like he was the one at fault of ruining Wonshik’s perfect plan, Wonpil exhales then pretends to noncommittally shrug, anything to remove the fault on Wonshik’s shoulders “I guess I’m rude that way.”_

_As much as it was taking his all to not shrivel up to dust at being pinned again by Brian’s glare, Wonpil did his best to hold on and train his blank gaze back at him._ _Then Brian smirks, cold and cutting “You are heartless.”_

_And Wonpil found himself agreeing._

_-_

Jaedong’s soft whining snaps him out and he also seem to ignore the other’s presence because the little dog was solely looking at him with sad eyes. It chips away another piece of him. “Come on, you haven’t had dinner yet.”

“You’re really going to ignore me?”

Allowing Jaedong to eat in peace, he returns Jae’s violin case to his bedroom before he went and packs his stuff while leaving everything the same. The ribbons Jae used as guide, the small notes on drawers and cabinets and the glass and utensils he had set aside for Jae’s convenience.

_After all, I’m the only one who doesn’t belong here._

He revisits every room to check if he left any trace of him, him as Wonpil, not paying mind to his unlikely companion’s close presence, silently observing him go about his way. He doesn’t have the time to chit chat with him.

When he finishes, he heaves over his bag and turns to look back one last time at the whole place, but behind him he meets Brian with his arms crossed over his chest and his questions. “What lies have you been telling Jae? Where’s Wonshik?”

Inevitably, he has to answer, so he does “He’ll be back soon.”

Brian narrows his gaze and frowns “Then where has he been?”

“I refuse to answer that.” It riles the other man up, face setting into a cold, fed up expression. But before Brian could spew a scathing remark or even a threat, Wonpil mechanically answers, numbing himself and already withdrawing from his own “Jae doesn’t know who I am.”

“What?” Brian twitches, like he was itching to punch something.

“And it will remain that way.” His mask of indifference chips away, remembering Jae and what he might think if he finds out what they- _he_ (Wonpil) did to him. “Please. For both their sake, please forget you ever saw me. I never existed.”

“But at the hospital- you-“ The taller man turns away from him and agitatedly combs his short hair, brows furrowed deep and utterly confused. Then he faces him, face scrunched up as though hurt on behalf of Jae “How could you do this to him?”

“You’re right.” Wonpil bites the inside of his cheeks, barely holding in his tears “How could _I_?”

They stood staring at each other. Wonpil silently begging him to understand and Brian, confused and lost. “You can’t actually think I won’t tell Jae.”

Lacing his hands together, as form of comfort for himself, Wonpil asks with determination “What do I have to do to stop you?”

“What-“ Brian gapes then chuckles humourlessly. “This is so fucked up- you can’t be serious.” But upon seeing his expression set, eyes clear and mouth lined thin, Brian exhales, as if defeated “Who- what are you protecting?”

Walking back to the living room, Brian’s eyes following him, he takes a picture frame from the cabinet and presses it against Brian’s surprised hands “My happiness. So please…for Jaehyung.” And with that, he gets his shoes and ties them, while he was doing so, Jaedong remains rigid by the door, staring at him with his puppy eyes and almost looks like he was begging him to stay.

“Bye, Jaedong.” He coos with difficulty, brushing the soft fur. “You bite him if he becomes mean again okay?” With one last glimpse at the place and a deep bow at the still frozen man standing at the threshold, Wonpil replaces Jaedong from the door and pushes him back with a whisper. “I’ll miss you.”

Just as he closes the door, he sends two important messages. One was for Wonshik;

**[21:13] Me:** He’s at the hospital, you can pick him up from there

And the other- he closes his eyes and clicks send,before he could hesitate with the second. And with it, he walks away.

**[21:14] Me:** _Attachment sent._

~

_I wonder, if Jae’s better now?_

“Wonpil-hyung!” Dowoon greets him with a toothy grin and a hard clap on his arm as soon as he enters the restaurant.

Wonpil mustered a small glare and a smaller smile after. When Dowoon seemed to deflate, he forced himself to wave it off as acting and hugs the younger man. “How’s your injury?”

Dowoon perks up like how Jaedong would when it’s time for his walks – Wonpil had to physically hold his own hand to stop them from shaking- “All better!” and bounces on the balls of his feet as though to demonstrate.

Sungjin, probably hearing the familiar commotion so early in the day, went out of his office to investigate “Welcome back Wonpil.” Turning his attention away from Dowoon, Wonpil offers a small bow and a distracted smile “Mm.”

_Is he eating well?_

He sees the very moment Sungjin’s brows furrowed with concern, probably reading his occasional zoning out when Dowoon digs his elbow on his side “So where’s your _Sugar_?”

_“Sugar? Where are you?”_

Wonpil felt his face pinch, the one word opening a box of memories he hasn’t had time to declutter and throw away, not that he has the heart to. He vaguely hears a squawk of _“Hyung!”_ and _“What did I do?”_ before he was pulled away by gentle fingers and a motherly smile peering at his view “Oh Pil, come here.” Nayeon hugs him briefly then brushes his bangs away – _just how Jae would-_ to gaze at him “Help me designing the display, hm?”

Still trying to do damage control, he nods and lets himself be guided out the room “Mm.”

_Did they take Jaedong for a walk?_

After he told them some excuse why he was acting the way he was –which he was sure they never bought- his little restaurant family never pried, but they were extra with trying to cheer him up.

Sungjin would let him steal a cookie or two, Dowoon would be more tolerant of his incessant teasing and Nayeon would invite him to have tea and gossip to him her friends. And Jungkook was a little angel, effortless in making him smile, no matter how tiny he was able to muster on some days.

“Uncle Piri hurt?”

Looking down, Wonpil puts the last batch of cinnamon rolls on the cooling rack before crouching down at his eye level. Jungkook blinks and tilts his head at him, waiting for his response. Giggling fondly, Wonpil pats his small head and nods “Mm.”

The boy rummages the small yellow bag hanging around his neck and pulls out a colourful adhesive bandage “Here.”

“Thank you, cookie.” Wonpil laughs a little better and boops Jungkook’s nose earning a toothy smile from the boy.

_Are they happy?_

“You can tell us alright?” Sungjin casually says one morning, while they were prepping for the day.

“Mm.” Wonpil eyes his friend and boss and felt his eyes widen when the older man puts the knife down and spreads his arm wide “What’s that?” Sungjin had his head turned away, a scowl on his face, but shakes his open arms as though prompting him to hurry up and be done with it.

“It’s alright hyung.” He snickers when it dawns to him. And he laughed louder when he was Sungjin’s relieved face “But thank you.”

It has only been a few days- but it feels longer, _so much longer_. And although his mood was getting better and he was almost back to his old self when at work- pestering Dowoon, cooing at Jungkook, making schemes with Nayeon and being Sungjin’s headache and finally playing the piano and singing on his small stage- he allowed himself to get sad every now and then. With only his lonely walls as witness. With only his own to embrace him again.

He knew it would take time. He knew it would hurt. It’s just that he didn’t know it would hurt this much.

Waking up alone and taking a moment to realize that there will be no warm body next to him anymore. Cooking dinner for two and having to eat everything alone. Checking food packs for allergens, when he has none. Whistling for a dog that wasn’t there. Turning to his side with a smile, excited to share some anecdote of the day only to see no one beaming back at him.

Face scrunching up but refusing to cry - _You pinky promised Jae. So suck it up.-_ after picking at his wounds again, Wonpil decides to take a walk despite the late hour. But before he could leave the house, Wonshik enters with an air of authority he doesn’t know was rooting from.

And he was stoic, almost fuming.

* * *

**KWS**

“Wonshik!” Wonpil exclaims, an arm halfway into his jacket sleeve “Why are you here? What’s-What’s happening?”

He didn’t bother to answer only storming further inside until he was in front of his older twin. Wonpil eyes him with confusion.

****

**_[22:03] Unknown:_ ** _jae got into an accident_

 **_[06:44] Unknown:_ ** _can’t stay long here he needs someone pls_

 **_[15:10] Unknown:_ ** _r u even going to visit at least?_

 **_[11:05] Me:_ ** _I’ll pck him up just send the details or wtv_

“Is Jae-“ Feeling his blood boil, Wonshik fists his hands and clenches his jaw. The slip up from his brother clear in his ears. Eyes flashing, he pins Wonpil with all the jumbled emotions bleeding in his stare.

Wonpil rubs his arms, before lifting a hand to reach out and touch him “Are you okay?”

_-_

_His plans were set. He’ll attend the conference, meet prominent people, impress his big bosses and get the promotion he’s been eyeing for a while now. But Jaehyung’s accident poses as a threat to his plans, a damage he wasn’t willing to receive. So he does what he does best. He made another plan._

_“Hey, Pil. I need your help.”_

_But everything went downhill from there._

_-_

He wrenches his arm away before Wonpil could touch him and accuses “How could you do this to me?”

“Wha- what?” Wonpil’s face looked troubled and worried – _Liar-_ “What?”

“I love him Pil!” and instantly, it dawns to his twin. Wonshik inhales and exhales loudly, eyes like a hawk watching how Wonpil’s face went from worry to realization to shame. It angers him more. Repeating with a frustrated whisper “I love him.” And the feeling of being betrayed gnawing at the back of his brain. _How dare he?_

But Wonpil, although curling small in himself, says to him firmly “And he loves you.”

“He loves me?” He echoes with mocking. When Wonpil nods and smiles brokenly at him, he explodes “Then why is he looking anywhere but me? Why did I suddenly disappear from his life?”

_If he really did love me then why didn’t he know it wasn’t me with him?_

“Then do something about it.” Wonpil whispers almost begging him “Talk to him, stop getting me involved-”

“You already are. I'm sure you are!” He shrieks, the one where his voice pitches and his nerves frantic, because everything was going wrong and it shouldn’t have been in the first place if only he could trust him – _But you betrayed me-_ and shakes his brother by his shoulders “You can try Pil but you can't take him away from me. What did you tell him-“

“I'm never going to do that! Why would I do that?” Wonpil breaks away from him with a heavy breath, stumbling to get back on his feet “You have everything Wonshik.” He begins, glistening eyes narrowed in pain “You have the career, the life and you have Jae.”

Wonshik was about to retort and cut him off, but the choke that went with Jaehyung’s name made him stop. Wonpil continues on, his eyes starting to brim with tears still on him “What do I have? Nothing, no stable job. No clear future. No nothing, it’s just me and my lonely heart. For as long as I can remember, I don’t have anything, unlike you. And I’m used to it already. Why would I try to change it now?”

Struggling to grasp the situation and getting dizzy from the agonizing pain of his chest constricting, he steps forward and powerfully sneers, refusing to understand or hear lame excuses “Because you fell in love with him-“

* * *

**KWP**

“But I love you too Wonshik.” Wonpil murmurs with a shout in his gaze “I love you more, you are my other half and I'll do everything for you.” Hugging himself, Wonpil closes his eyes to reign in his emotions, refusing to cry. But as he does so, the tears that started to fill his vision earlier, fell and travelled down his cheeks.

They were big boys now, but Wonshik will always be his baby brother.

-

_“Shikie! I’m telling you it’s dangerous.”_

_“But the kitten Pil! Please? For me?”_

_-_

_They saved the kitten, and he spared Wonshik from a broken nose. But in the end, he was the bad twin because he couldn’t take care of Wonshik and his delicate skin._

_-_

_“I’m so tired. I still have homework!”_

_“Go study. I’ll do the rest of the chores.”_

_“Really? Thanks Pil!”_

_-_

_Wonshik passed with flying colors and he was a proud supporter. That’s enough reward for him, even when his palms start to sting again and his eyes hide the pain and envy of wanting the same for himself._

_-_

_“You’re leaving?”_

_“Yeah, not much of opportunities around here. And besides, I feel like I belong somewhere else. Somewhere I can shine.”_

_“Yeah.”_

_“You should’ve strived harder. I told you to give up piano. It’s useless.”_

_“…yeah.”_

_-_

_Fly high Shikie. You were never meant to stay here._

_-_

_“Wonpil, how is Shikie? Have you heard from him?”_

_“He’s doing well, mama.”_

_“And the money for the house rent?”_

**_[20:11]Me:_ ** _When are you going to answer my calls?_

 **_[20:11]Me:_ ** _They miss you_

 **_[20:11]Me:_ ** _Please visit some time_

_“Ah, here. The rest are to follow.”_

_“Oh, thank god for Shikie.”_

_“Mm. What would you like for dinner, mama?”_

_-_

_Rough hands._

_Little smiles._

_White lies._

_Every day he tries to live, a small part of him dies._

“I did everything” his eyes slow to open, fingers gripping the sleeves of his shirt. Brokenly he says “But you can't always blame me for whatever slip up is happening with your life right now if you're not doing anything to make it better.”

_“Please Pil. Please? For me?”_

“It doesn’t change the fact that you fell in love with him!” Wonshik cries out and Wonpil could almost not recognize the man in front of him. Face blotched red and cheeks wet with tears, lean body trembling with emotion.

_I did this to you. I’m sorry, Shikie._

“It doesn’t.” he admits, mouth curling sadly “And it doesn’t matter. He loves you, Wonshik. Not me.”

_It was never me._

Wonshik starts to sob, dropping on the floor with his hands gripping his hair tightly “I’m sorry for hurting you” Wonpil begins, kneeling down and embracing his brother “but please don’t hate me.” His younger twin’s body was wrecked with sobs and he was shaking. It was the first time he saw Wonshik cry this bad. _How cruel, that it would be because of me too._ “You’re all I have. And I love you. Your happiness is mine too.”

_Jae’s happiness is mine too._

“So please,” he whispers, lifting Wonshik’s head until their leaking eyes met and Wonpil allowed himself a strong smile, as support for his brother’s broken heart, wishing for nothing but for it to heal “Cherish him properly. Cherish what you have.”

_Even if I have to deny myself many times over, if I have to kill my heart for you two, I will._

* * *

**KWS**

Numbly leaving his brother’s place, he mutters repeatedly to himself “I am Kim Wonshik.”

A young successful businessman.

He was praised and complimented for as long as he could remember. His mama would peck his cheek when he gets good grades and his papa would pat his head when he brings home another trophy. He preens when teachers acknowledges him and he grins proud when his friends gather around him. But he learns from a young age how to detach himself. After all, when you thrive and bloom, everybody wants to pick on you. He learned who his allies are and who he must keep close watch on. Many have said that he's far too observant and meticulous. And maybe it's true because he likes planning and most of his plans never failed.

Failure, after all, is something he refuses to add on his vocabulary.

Failure means settling for less than what you deserve. Failure was not recognizing what’s the best choice for you.

Failure was his twin brother who couldn't understand their parents plead for him to give up piano in exchange for a career. Even a desk job was better than the uncertain.

Failure was Jaehyung who wouldn't let go of his violin despite the amount of opportunities knocking on his door -research presentations left and right, apprenticeship and big companies fighting over him. He would be a brilliant chemist but his downfall was his childish attachment to naiveté at things that should matter.

-

_It has only been a few days- but it feels longer,_ _so much longer_. _And Jae has been the same since he got back._

_Aloof. Always up and about. Determined. Busy. Too busy he always has an excuse ready, they can’t even have a proper talk._

_Not that they had anything to talk about._

_They have after all, broken up since half a year ago. Not that that was news._

_And he thought he got the better end of the stick, as usual. Because Jaehyung might have been a stubborn bull but he was smart. The amount of times they broke up and got back together over the course of two or so years was because Jaehyung recognized his shortcomings and knows he only wants what's the best for him._

_However their latest break up went on for two weeks, then a month then Jaehyung never contacted him again. Until Jaehyung’s best friend shared about his unfortunate accident that took away his eyes for the moment._

_And his initial reaction was to shake his head "If he only listened to me. If only he came back sooner."_

_Because if anything, he would never be the one to do the coming back. Why would he settle for less when there's much more to the world than a guy who loves his violin too much?_

_-_

But remembering how he stood helpless in front of Jaehyung's borderline protective best friend that he was never fond of, it dawns to him too late that failure was now him too.

_“Kim Wonshik? You are one hard man to schedule a date with.” The tall man greets with a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes “Hi. I know you never cared to remember my name but I don’t think you’ll ever forget my face.”_

_When he met Jae’s best friend for the first time, he and Jaehyung have only been together for a month, Wonshik wasn’t particularly excited to meet him but Jaehyung insisted. Anyway, they got bad impressions from each other at the very second their eyes met. The broad man has a sharp mouth and secretive eyes. And he babies Jaehyung too much. Not like the other liked him much, it was obvious to Wonshik that Jaehyung’s best friend would rather be left under a raging storm than be within his vicinity. “What do you want? I’m busy.”_

_“I want to know-“ he sighs dramatically but meets his eyes with a sharp face “-why? Just why?”_

_Eyes narrowing in confusion, Wonshik rubs his temples “Fess up, I don’t have time for this.”_

_“Like you didn’t have time to do the favour I asked of you?”_

_-_

Failure was him not seeing the things-- the people surrounding him, existing with him. Not living in moments and the present. Always running too far into the future, too fast. Acting all knowing when he knows none at all.

Failure was him not knowing when to listen and when to talk. Not knowing how to accept that his way isn’t always the right way. Not accepting that he could be wrong.

Failure was him basking under the spotlight, thriving in thundering applause and not seeing the sole person in the backstage. The one adjusting his lights so it hits him just right, pulling him up manually so he could fly like a phoenix untouchable and majestic, the one whose applause could drown the others. The one whose tears are always set aside so he could genuinely smile and clap at another success of his. The one who is willing to let everything go yet again, just so he could have another of his selfish wants.

With fresh tears streaming down his face, failure he now learns, remembering Wonpil's face twist in a futile attempt to not breakdown, is an integral part of life too. Because the failure of his 'fool proof' plan lead them to this, his brother actually wanting something for himself, Jaehyung finding his footing and his confidence and him--

_-_

_“What are you talking about?” he snaps. The meeting had been long and draining and his unwanted guest wasn’t helping at all. And Jaehyung was being stubborn and irrational again._

_Jaehyung’s best friend snorts earning his attention “Feigning innocence now?”_

_He clicks his tongue and glares at the man across him “Still too nosy. Get to the point.”_

_“I wonder,” the taller man begins, shaking his head in disappointment “whatever Jae saw in you.”_

_“I could say the same to you.” Wonshik barks back. “You’re wasting my time.”_

_“Well, I have a lot of time.” He grins gleefully but there was a scary glint in his sharp eyes “So much you can relay to me with precise details what you’ve been doing out of the country while my blind best friend was stuck with a stranger.”_

_He freezes up. Cold sweat starting to cool his neck. Fortunately, he had faced too many important clients and got scolded for the most ridiculous things to have expert control over his facial muscles “I don’t know what you’re blabbing about.”_

_What did Wonpil do?_

_“Did you get amnesia abroad?” Wonshik wants to punch him. It was starting to get irritating, the way he makes innocent faces like he was enjoying this. Because he wasn’t. There was murder in his eyes that Wonshik recognizes quite clearly. “Look, I never liked you, and I’m gonna save you some saliva and say that it goes both ways.”_

_“At least you’re speaking coherently now.”_

_“I never intervened with Jaehyung’s relationship with you no matter how shitty it became.” The broad man halts then stares directly at him, every trace of acting simultaneously vanishing, what’s left was a dark blank face that sent shiver down his spine.“But this is where I draw the fucking line.” Wonshik refuses to step back even when the other leaned in to get in on his face “Jaehyung is not some clay you can mold into whatever you want, and he has a heart. I know what you did and I am one call away from spilling everything to him.” Eyes snapping up, Wonshik can see his end in those dark glare “No matter how much that would hurt him.”_

_Staying silent, because what can he say against the accusations? Wonshik simply holds the glare with a mask of indifference, even when his inner world was starting to crumble, especially with the cruel smile sent his way “Can’t talk back now?”_

_“I knew I’d never get along with you.” Wonshik huffs, looking away._

_“I hear that a lot.” Jaehyung’s best friend shrugs a careless shoulder then his lips curl in something akin to sympathy “But because your guardian angel whispered to me to be merciful, I’ll try my hardest.”_

_“My guardian angel?”_

_The other man doesn’t give him an answer, instead he offers “Come clean. Admit your mistakes and go from there. Jaehyung deserves nothing less.” And before he left him with his failed plans, he turns to him one last time and shrugs “But if I get bored before you do it, then no promises.”_

_-_

\--failure taught Kim Wonshik that Jaehyung wasn’t _just_ a _guy who loves his violin too much_ , and it led him to the realization too of what's worth treasuring and wanting to try just one more time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw for the real diva, Kang Younghyun 😂
> 
> THANK YOU SO MUCH and please tell me what you think! 🤗❤️
> 
> my [CC](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)
> 
> i'll see you sooner than soon 😉 take care and stay healthy~


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YEY FOR ANSWERS. 🤩
> 
> This is purely Jae's POV.
> 
> IMPORTANT: the start of this chapter picks up directly after jae's last pov in chapter 5 and as for chapter 6 it happens soon after Younghyun leaves (in this chapter). 
> 
> If something confuses you, please tell me~
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> (and i shall ask on behalf of wonshik that you give him a chance LOL 😅)

_“You will be here.” He repeats meaningfully, his little finger waiting._

_Soon, a finger embraces his own “I will.”_

It was weird. Being able to see again after how many weeks of little to no vision.

“Had the hospital always looked this dull?” Jae wonders to himself, as he was wheeled out to the taxi bay, Wonshik by his side.

After his doctor checked his eyes and cleared him, he was discharged immediately.

Even on the ride home, everything looks new to him, like he was actually just seeing for the first time. They were familiarly new but a touch gloomy. _Maybe it’s the weather or-_ Jae chances to his side and sees Wonshik scrolling on his phone “-something’s missing” he unconsciously mutters.

“You said something?” the other says, now typing furiously, eyes not leaving the screen.

Jae turns his eyes back outside “Nothing.” And the world zoomed pass but inside the car was a slow ticking clock.

Arriving at his apartment, finger hesitating in pressing the code to unlock his door, Jae closes his eyes and asks his companion gently “Can you go home?” at the noise of question, he peers over his shoulder to smile tiredly at the other “I really want to rest.”

Wonshik worried his lips with his brows furrowing “I can’t stay here?”

“Sure, but-“ he sighs, adjusting his glasses “I’d really want to be alone for now.”

There was a confused, curious look on the smaller man’s expression but it quickly passed, like a little breeze, here one moment, gone the next. _Very much like Wonshik_. “Then I’ll just go.”

Jae nods, smile stiff, but he sincerely wished him good night “Take care.”

He exhales, massaging his head as he carefully closes the door and unties his shoes. It was only then that he noticed his apartment was lit up and there was sizzling sounds from the kitchen. Hurriedly removing his shoes, he stumbles on his feet, heart beating loudly in his ears until he screeches to a halt at the kitchen’s entrance.

“Surprise!”

Jae stood frozen, barely registering anything “Brian?”

His best friend grins wide, eyes disappearing then takes in his state of half-shock and half-expectant expression. Brian turns the stove off and tilts his head to the side “Good morning to you too. Expecting someone else?”

“No.” He chuckles softly, eyes low before lifting his face and grinning jokingly at him “But why are you here trespasser?”

“Rude.” Brian squeezes his shoulder but he belatedly realizes that, head still twirling with thoughts “I aced my shit and finished most of my projects too so we’re gonna catch up remember?”

Jae laughs at that and nods “Well then kind sir, serve the meal.”

They spent the meal giving updates about each other of what happened the past few months after his accident. But Brian did most of the talking, probably picking up on his quiet mood since he came in. And Jae was thankful for him being perceptive and respectful of his current boundaries.

“You gonna stay the night?” Jae asks after they finished cleaning up, but got surprised when he saw Brian already walking towards the door.

“Nah, I'm good” Brian dismisses, his back turned to him as he ties his shoes. After that, he smiles up to him, eyes disappearing “and I have to schedule a _date_.”

Jae laughs in mock disbelief. “You? A date?”

“Of course.” His best friend grins the one he wears when he’s plotting something and he knows he already won and hugs him one last time before leaving.

And maybe Brian really saw how off he was acting, because not long there was text from him.

**[10:17] bribro:** rest up we can do the catching up tmrrw or smth haha

**[10:17] Me:** thanks

 **[10:17] Me:** u d best

**[10:18] bribro:** i know ᕙ(`▿´)ᕗ

Jae chuckles and pockets his phone, petting Jaedong as he returns back inside. The apartment looks the same. Cleaner and warm, a bit nostalgic. It was the first time he was seeing it after the accident. Walking further in, his fingers traced the wall that guided him back then, the back of his couch and his coffee table that was slightly off from its typical place. He sees the rough _straw_ rope that he knows leads to the bathroom and the smooth _yellow_ ribbon towards the kitchen.

Massaging his temples, he heaves a deep breath and plops on middle of the sofa. Feeling the texture under him, he sags and wonders out loud “It’s too big.” Truly, ordinary things becomes extraordinary when it’s bound with memories.

Eyes restless in their wandering it eventually lands on the picture frame he remembers knocking over some time ago and literally swept its broken pieces under the table. But it wasn’t broken anymore. Taking it in his hand, his fingers traced the smooth surface of the glass, protecting the image. He felt his lip curl at the corner remembering the day it was taken clearly but he knows, even without seeing it, his smile now was far different from what the photo was showing him.

-

_“What’s a cushy life if I’m not doing what I love?” He repeats for what felt like a hundred since they started the conversation that boiled over into another argument._

_“That’s not the point Jaehyung! You’re going to throw a ton of opportunities offered to you and for what?” Wonshik flares up, snatching the violin from its protective case “This?”_

_He was too stressed from his thesis that he sneaked out his violin against Wonshik’s wishes and played, letting himself get lost in the familiar embrace of his music. Unfortunately for him, Wonshik thought it was a good time to drop by and have that date he had been delaying for weeks now because of his work and caught him playing his pleasure again._

_Jae’s heart hurt from seeing those cruel hands break the strings of his violin out of frustration at being disobeyed. Calming his nerves, he digs his nails on his palm to keep him grounded “This is unfair.” He starts, barely holding in the tremble “Why can you follow your dreams and not me?”_

_“Are you making me choose now?”_

_“I’m not asking you to choose!” Nerves taking over, Jae shouts begging that he be heard for once “I’m just saying that it’s possible to grow together even with different paths!” He explains with passion, already feeling his fingers shake and his eyes blur “I’m just asking you to understand why I can’t fully give myself to a career without being able to-”_

_“A career that will give you a stable life Jaehyung!” Those words again. Why can’t mom understand? Why can’t you understand? “And you’re saying no to that because- because of-“_ _And as though in disgust, Wonshik throws his precious instrument on the couch and Jae couldn’t look away at those flashing eyes. Did he make this monster? Had his unquestioning obedience and want for someone to accept him make this monster he thought he loved and loved him in return?_

_Or was he the monster here?_

_“I am not saying no to the life it will give me.” He whispers, the beginnings of his anxiety already knocking “I just want to be happy. I want to play-“_

_“Are you saying I’m not happy with my work then?”_

_Exasperated –Why can’t you hear me?- Jae throws back “I’m saying you’re doing what you want and you love it! Why can’t I be the same?”_

_“Because-! God! You’re so stubborn!” Wonshik throws his hands after the last scream. “Why am I even trying?”_

_“What?” Jae scrambles to catch up. “Are you going to break up with me? Because I couldn’t let go of my violin?”_

_“You know what? Sure. I’m out.” Wonshik glares at him “I’m not going to be seen with someone who can’t understand common sense, who would rather risk everything for something- something like this. No wonder you’re alone.”_

_Then another door slams to his face. Another person walked out of his life._

_Or perhaps, another person he pushed out of his life._

_Coming to it, he shakily re-strung his instrument, tears streaming down like waterfalls. His demons back to chew him alive while he struggled to piece together his already broken puzzle pieces. And out of disorientation and hopelessness, he stumbles on his footing and breaks the frame protecting his favourite picture with Wonshik._

_Seeing it, he lets himself drown._

_So damn stubborn, this pitiful lonely man._

_He couldn’t bear to hear his own music after that. After all, it made him lose his only family, his life and now his partner. He went on with his days, wearing a mask of confidence when he’s praised for his research, pretending to consider the job offers, smiling when he’s talking to Brian even when it’s only through phone calls and excessively spends his time with Jaedong because he is the only one he has now._

_Then the accident happened_

_And he came._

_-_

Putting down the picture frame beside him and mindlessly caressing his dog –who jumped to sit with him some time ago- he stares at the ceiling above him and just stayed in that moment. Few beats of silence passed before he unwittingly raised his hand, his little finger upright “You pinky-promised me, _love_ ,” and curling the finger to an imaginary one –half-ridiculously-hoping that his mind would be strong enough to summon the owner no matter how impossible it was. He smiles sadly when it didn’t happen “But you’re not here.”

~

Brian stayed for a whole two weeks. For the first few days, Jae had waved his best friend goodbye early in the day because he was going to ‘try to schedule a date’ again. He was confused but Brian was grown ass man and he can handle himself. Then he’d spent the afternoons after the ‘failed dates’ -which he wouldn’t share any details about- to pester him. Or on some days, he tries to be useful and helps him with his remaining coursework and looking through universities and schedules for the program he was eyeing.

Before Brian left, he had announced that his ‘date’ was a success and Jae could tell him about it.

-

_“You’re the one who went on the date and I’m supposed to tell you how it went?”_

_Brian nods excitedly, eyes sparkling._

_“Younghyun, are you okay? Do we need to see a doctor?”_

_“Rude man!”_

_-_

Their university hunting was also a success and his best friend hugs him tight and annoyingly fake cries when he remembers about it while they were waiting for his flight to call for boarding. But he was sincere when he said with a proud smile “Pursue your happiness Jaehyung, I’ll always be your brother.”

And Jae rolls his eyes, but returns the confident smile.

Walking back up to his apartment with a spring on his step he almost stumbled when he turns to the hall leading to his place and he sees a familiar body fidgeting in front of his door “Mom?”

His mother turns and hesitantly smiles at him. But her eyes, her eyes were still lovely. “Hi, darling.”

“What- how-“ Adjusting his glasses and walking to his door with tentative footsteps, Jae bites his inner cheek already overwhelmed with her sudden presence “Come in, I guess.”

“If I come in,” she begins with a hopeful tone, the one she used to use when negotiating with him as a child “can I get a hug?”

Then and there, Jae was a small boy again. The boy who hid behind her skirt when meeting new people, the boy who called for her when he has nightmares, the boy who would always tuck his head under her chin no matter how tall he became. Squeezing her torso, he chokes out “I missed you mom.”

Jaedong as though understanding the situation, left the living room as soon as they entered and sat on his couch.

“I know it’s too late for apologies and explanations,” his mother, smiles through her tears, hands cupping his face “But I’d like to say them still.”

Taking a deep breath, Jae nods his consent.

“Did you know, that I was an aspiring theatre actress?” At his gasp, his mother laughs that twinkling laugh of hers that Jae couldn’t help but tear up upon hearing it in person after so long. “At a very young age, it has been my dream. My parents were reluctant to let me pursue that, but they did let me eventually.”

Jae wipes her tears when it filled her eyes and she wouldn’t let them fall.

“But I got pregnant during a celebration party for one of the first few projects I got.” Jae never heard of his father, and he never asked for him too. Because his mother was enough, she gave it her all to satisfy his wishes, that’s why he never asked for him, it would feel like his mother’s effort were for naught if he did. “And I was disowned. I was eighteen.”

They spent the next few moments just crying on their own. His mom because he was there in her arms again and him because he never heard any of this before. “I’m sorry for being stubborn about my violin.”

“Oh darling don’t.” He was about to protest when she struck his side with a determined finger that had him yelping “I was adamant about you getting a proper career because I was scared you’d end up like me. I followed uncertainties because it was my dream only to be left with hardship and more uncertainty.” She tucks away his hair from his temples and smiles in what he believes was apology –not that it was needed anymore “But when I lost you, it was only then that I realized the uncertainty gave me you and those hardships and more uncertainties I went through, I went through with you, Jaehyung. And that’s life.”

Jae cries like a baby after that. Like the thorns of the rose in his chest was dissolved and what’s left was a beautiful flower opening slowly but surely. It felt like they have come a full circle as mother and son. It’s them against everything again, but this time their bond stronger and their wounds healing.

“I’m sorry for not giving you a chance and supporting you as I should have.” She kisses his cheeks and wipes his tears. “I’m sorry it took mom this long, darling.”

“It’s alright.” He reassures, pressing his lips on her forehead “We all take our time sometimes.”

His mother's face lights up and her lips stretched wide and dazzling “And I must say, you still play the violin wonderfully well. I’m happy you kept hold of it.”

“How did you know?”

“Your friend sent me a video.”

Jae felt his fingers tremble, sending a look at Jaedong who was now silently sitting by their foot for quite some time. The only person he played for was- _"Eung!_ _I died. My heart has been moved."--"_ Who- who was it?”

-

_“Jaehyung? Is this Jae_ _hyung?”_

_“No, uhm…Jae would probably hate me for doing this, but please give him a chance. He really loves the violin and as you may have watched in the video-“_

_“Oh sweet child.” She cries, barely able to say anything coherently “Thank you. I tried reaching out to him some years ago, but I was convinced he hated me for every pain I caused him and now...”_

_“No, no I don’t think it’s like that. He speaks fondly of you. Jae has been trying to gain courage to call you, he feels regretful to for acting the way he did. Maybe you could try again. He misses you a lot.”_

_“I do too.” She smiled through her tears “Thank you. What’s your name again? Maybe we could meet when we have the chance?”_

_“No, it’s okay. Good night ma’am.”_

_-_

“He didn’t tell me his name.”

Deflating, he smiles weakly at her, trying his best to hide his disappointment and before she could question it, Jae perks up, wipes his eyes and excitedly shares. “Mom, I’m going to study Music Therapy.”

She looked stunned for quick moment then her eyes fills with fresh tears and she pinches his cheeks until they hurt. The good hurt. “That’s wonderful, Jaehyung.”

~

Stretching after sending his last draft to his professor, Jae closes his laptop and stood to get himself some water. His mother was out shopping and catching up with her friends so he was left alone.

The past weeks has been good to him. He’ll graduate his masters soon, his undergrad research was accepted in journals and the one he was currently working on surely to follow it. He was set to visit the university he’ll be taking Music Therapy on next month, he plays the violin during his free time, he bothers Brian most of the time and he and his mother cooked up a storm in the kitchen (well after she gave him an earful because of the accident she was just learning.) 

It was nice, way better than nice and he couldn’t ask for more.

But he’d like to ask for more.

Glass in hand, he walks to the velvet box on his coffee table and opens it, admiring the handiwork while wondering when the beautiful piece will meet its owner. He bought it out of impulse when he went with his mother to the shopping district. There was something about the way it shone under the light that captived him. 

He was about to pull it out from its place when his doorbell rings. Confused because it was too early for his mother to come home, he cautiously opens the door and gets surprised at seeing the smaller man again. "Wonshik?” After all, he had made it clear to him the first week when he discharge from the hospital and recovered from his blindness that they have nothing to talk about anymore. And even though he kept on calling Jae to check up on him, Jae had reiterated each time that he shouldn’t expect anything out of it.

But perhaps, Wonshik was still stubborn when pursuing what he wants- because he enters his house without invitation. What he wants with him though, Jae doesn’t know.

Wonshik was talking about the restaurant he bought the food he was carrying when he noticed the jewelry he was admiring earlier “Oh is this for me?”

Understanding the situation, Jae takes the box from his prying hands and smiles sympathetically at him “How long are you going to pretend?”

-

_“Eya Jae~” Brian waves as soon as the video call connects. “Since you haven’t told me about the date I got bored so I’ll tell you instead.”_

_“Date? What date?” he distractedly asks, ruffling through his bag to find his phone’s charger._

_“Wonshik.”_

_Jae stops, and gives his full attention to his best friend “What about him?”_

_Brian lifts a shoulder and props his chin on his hand “I guess time’s up for him.”_

_“You’re being cryptic again.” Jae snorts but remains staring at his friend. Brian was contemplative and serious, so Jae held himself back from quipping a joke._

_His best friend takes a deep inhale and Jae unconsciously follows. It was a sight to see Brian nervous about something. He was about to ask if he was okay when in one breath Brian spills “Wonshik wasn’t the one with you when you were blind.”_

_“Oh.”_

_Brian blinks and blinks then leans closer to his camera with an incredulous scream “Oh? Just ‘oh’? Dude what?! The guy has been lying to you and that’s how you react? Are you crazy? Are you still gonna let him have you pathetically wrapped around his finger? Jaehyung, I am your sworn brother, and it is my duty to protect you even if it was against your own-“_

_Jae snorts again before bursting out laughing, catching his best friend off guard._

_“Are you actually getting crazy?”_

_“Brian shut-“ he wheezes, hiding his mouth behind his fist “Shut up, you sound ridiculous.”_

_“I sound ridiculous?!”_

_“Bro, take a chill pill.” He was able to slip before another round of chortling. When he was able to come to, barely –because Brian’s face could end every sit com known to mankind- he smiles, a bit sad and hopeless upon remembering “I know.”_

_-_

“What?” Wonshik wrings his hands, not looking at him.

Jae eyes him and couldn’t help but feel a little sad, knowing his next words would make him look smaller than he already is “Do you take me for an idiot?”

Wonshik’s mouth opened and closed with no sound. He was at a lost. Jae quirks a small smile “How was the program then?” shaking his head he corrects promptly “How have you been these past months, actually?”

“He told you.” Wonshik whispers, his shoulders dropping upon the understanding of what he was saying. Jae doesn't know who 'he' was but before he could ask Wonshik lifts his head, written on his face was his guilt “Jaehyung- I-“

“No, don’t.” He waves his hand in a gentle dismissive manner at the attempt of apology “It’s quite alright. I think we both needed what happened during those few months.”

“But still I-“ he chokes “I’m still-“

“I told you don’t.” Jae patiently repeats. Seeing the other’s widening eyes, he smiles soft and genuine “Because that would mean meeting him was a mistake. It’s not.”

Wonshik tears up, face pinching in an unfamiliar expression “What about me?”

“What about you?”

“I still love you, Jaehyung.”

“No, you don’t.” Jae sighs, and gently takes Wonshik’s shaking hand picking the skin of his fingers “You’re in love with the image of me in your head. You’re in love with a fantasy I can’t completely take a role in. You’re- You’re scared of being taken away something you think is yours.” He quirks his mouth at the lost look he receives. He was sympathetic, because once upon a time, he was scared of losing someone he thought was his- but Wonshik was the kind of someone no one can own. And with that acceptance after their last break-up, Jae shares with him now “Was I ever yours? Have I ever been more than just someone you can mold into your perfect man?”

“That’s unfair.” He hiccups, using his free hand to wipe his eyes like a little boy with his bruised knee.

“Is it though? Did you ever see me as just me?” Jae says with absolutely honestly, there was no going around the truth without being a little harsh “You can’t answer?”

Frowning, Wonshik meets his gaze despite his eyes still leaking with tears “Did you even love me?”

Jae shrugs a sad shoulder, but kept his eyes on him. It was the only way he could help Wonshik to heal too. “Maybe I was just lonely. Or maybe, at one point,” the tips of his fingers brushed away the tuff of hair poking the smaller man’s eyes “I really did.”

_I loved you but-_

There was a small laugh of disbelief then Wonshik voices out a question against him “Then could it mean you might just be lonely now too?”

“I am, to be honest.” Jae acquiesces, squeezing the soft hand in his, he adds “But I’m lonelier and I feel alone. I feel hollow.”

_With you, anywhere I look, you were the only thing within my eyesight because you just pulled me along. But with him, because with him—_

“You really love him.” Wonshik realizes, smile broken but eyes clear.

Feeling his heart pound, Jae nods lightly “I guess so.” _I really do. And I miss him._

After letting a few more tears fall, Wonshik wonders as he pulls his hand away from his hold “When did you know it wasn’t me?”

“Since the beginning.” Jae shows a tiny grin at the open surprise he received “I was suspicious because you were acting weird.” He remembers how confused he was, how suspicious he was of how ‘Wonshik’ was acting and treating him, how he struggled to fight for himself and not give in. _Wonshik was suddenly taking care of him?_ “But I knew for sure when Jaedong came home.”

At Wonshik’s small noise of question, Jae gestures to his bedroom explaining “My dog, remember? You can never go near dogs." tapping his nose in emphasis, Jae reveals "You’re allergic to fur.”

Jae doesn’t know why but Wonshik cries harder after hearing that, and he panics, running to get tissues and a glass of water when he saw how the smaller man lost strength and bent down heaving with difficulty like he was completely breaking down from some internal realization.

It took him some time to calm down, once he did and was moving to leave, Jae asks if he needs anything else but Wonshik shakes his head and smiles sweetly the one where his eyes crinkle in crescent moons and lifts his cheeks plump- like the one in the picture “Are you not going to ask who he is?”

~

Locking the door, Jae looks down to his feet. Wonshik’s last question ringing in his ears. And it flips open his memories during the time he was literally in darkness.

He remembers the consuming anger he was carrying. Of not being able to pull his life together when another person left him—

_If they don’t want you, why would you want them back?_

_When they already left, why would they bother to come back?_

Of being blind and being eaten alive, gnawing and slow—

_Useless._

_Burdensome._

_Pitiful._

Of blaming his anger to everything else—

_At his ex, at the whole situation, at himself and his shitty decisions that proved everyone right about him._

Then his suspicions came true—

_“I’m not going to lock the poor dog in the laundry room Jae.”_

And he was angrier, explosive and fuming. How cruel for them to make a sick joke out of this, out of what was left of him.

_It was so loud, he had to be louder even when no one will hear him still._

_But he did. “Why are you like this, Jaehyung? What's hurting you?”_

And at that he falters, because here’s a stranger who doesn’t know anything about his life but hears every little thing he has been screaming inside. _How big of a heart must this one have, to cry on my behalf, to promise such sincere words to someone cruel to him?_

> _But with him, because with him- despite being blind, even with the darkness, with him I saw millions of worlds. And he explored them with me. We explored them together._

“Where are you?”

_God, I miss you._

That night he dreams of a dark place again but the pads of his fingertips were tracing familiar eye-smiles.

_~_

“That guy looks familiar?” He squints, Brian’s talking voice fading away as he tried to focus at the far part of the park, Jaedong barking excitedly _._

“Jae?”

“Yeah, sorry. I thought I saw someone familiar.” Jae sits at one of the benches and removes Jaedong’s leash so he could roam around freely while he rests his feet “You were saying?”

“Maybe that was him?” Brian offers instead, the teasing dripping from his tone.

Jae felt a vein pop, groaning loudly “Har har, rub it on my face that you saw him before I could.” Brian howls and Jae, although partly annoyed at the jab, was amused as well.

“Heh, it was pure luck that on my way to your apartment I saw you guys waiting for a taxi, but then your dramatic ass had to be brought to the hospital."

Jae grumbles at that "And you are a useless eavesdropping little shit that couldn't even get his name."

"I was too shocked okay? And I did try. " His best friend counters. "Anyways, I was saying, of course you’d find yourself in that kind of situation.”

Groaning again, this time out of exasperation Jae rubs the bridge of his nose “You are not helping man.”

“Well it’s your fault,” Brian unhelpfully sassed “you declined the offer. Your ex was about to tell you, you know?”

“Yeah, but-“ Jae sputters but was rudely cut off “No actually, why didn’t you confront him in the first place?”

Jae blinks then grits out because Brian was laughing again “How?”

“I don’t know? Over dinner?”

He rolls his eyes unimpressed and robotically says some non-existent script “By the way, I totally know you aren’t my ex so can you tell me your name? Won’t be mad at you again I promise.”

Brian shrieks and exclaims “Exactly!”

“No, Younghyun.” Jae sighs with another eye roll but this time amused because he could hear the pout in Brian’s voice when he asked why.

“I don’t know. It doesn’t feel right.” Scratching his nose, Jae weaves words to somehow explain himself “He- there’s something about him that screams sad you know? And I planned to tell him- but he-“ _he heard me_ _when no one could_ _and I couldn’t let him leave me so soon_ “and- yeah.” _I became selfish._

Jae could see the deadpan on the other’s face when he complained like a petulant child he is “That did not make sense, Jaehyung.”

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Jae admires the tranquil park. It was lined with trees and shrubs dancing every so often as the breeze brushes by them _–“The trees look happy today.”-_ he quirks a small smile at remembering then he tries again “He’s the type to put everyone else before himself. He did Wonshik’s absurd request and he took care of me, who was practically a stranger and a mad man.” Brian snorts. Jae got a good scolding from him after learning how his pettiness treated the unnamed 'angelic' man (Brian's words) “But when I heard him laugh, I wanted to punish myself for making him cry. I wanted him to be happy always.” Jae closes his eyes, hoping to conjure a face and gets disappointed again when he couldn’t “I- I wanted him to have those small moments of selfishness he allowed himself.”

It has been a good two months since they parted. And try as he might, Jae still doesn’t have a clue on how he was supposed to find him. He even entertained going to the children’s shelter only to come short because he was _lead there_ so he doesn’t know where it is. “If I had told him sooner than later that I knew he wasn’t Wonshik, I- I don’t think he would let himself smile for himself anymore. I don’t think he would allow himself to enjoy…” _whatever memory we shared._ “And I don’t want to do that to him when-” _all I want is to see him bathed in mirth and laughter._ “I want to be in his life.”

“What a story you have there.” Jae glares at the eye roll he heard, but deflates because that’s exactly what's happening with them- a story at pause but Jae was determined for it to be continued. “But seriously, I’m sure you’ll see him soon. Love has its ways.”

“Brian,” Snorting, Jae slaps his forehead at the unexpected input “what the fuck?”

His best friend bellows with his whole chest before stopping short “Ayeon is here. And I have an early class. I’ll call you tomorrow or whatever.”

Saying his goodbyes he turns to where he though he saw his dog was. “Let’s go Jaedo-“ He calls while pocketing his phone, only to see his dog running away from him “Jaedong!”

After following Jaedong, he gets to a more secluded part of the park, a small clearing surrounded by thick trees, there Jae identifies footprints on the damp soil “You played with a stranger again-“ he starts only to notice Jaedong sitting by a rectangular something glinting under the early sun “What’s that boy?”

“A card?” _It’s an I.D._

Flipping it over, he frowns at seeing a faded picture and mouths the name printed on it. “Kim Wonpil?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING! 😭❤️
> 
> tell me what you think or how you felt about this 🤗💕
> 
> 👀👀Out of curiosity, because I truly enjoyed reading your theories, at what chapter did you suspect Jae knew?
> 
> Next chapter will be the last btw 🥺🥺 I hope you'll stay until then~~
> 
> my [CC](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)
> 
> Anyways, please take care and stay healthy 💞


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU FOR READING UNTIL THE END OF THIS 😭  
>    
> [Song used](https://open.spotify.com/track/3vOmmLuvEUgGaVuRsCs2QF?si=Y7IvH-VOSjqafM_Zek0ZIQ)
> 
> Enjoy! 🤩

**PJH**

It was early in the evening when Jae finds himself squinting at the sign board that matches the place his GPS pointed at and the name on the I.D. he found “Bob’s Place?”

The restaurant looked welcoming, easy to the eye and from the amount of people he sees through the glass windows, he can deduce that it was a good place. Since, he came here straight from meeting with his professors to talk about his graduation plus his last meal was his lunch a good seven hours ago, it might do him good to just eat there while looking for this Kim Wonpil.

The inside was better, he notes with an impressed eyebrow. The woodworks and lightings, even the painting hanged on the wall and family pictures. It was simple yet elegant, moderately decorated but feels close to home.

Jae finds a free space to settle at, still taking in the place. There was small stage in the front and a piano. - _Maybe there’s a performance later?-_ and since the evening crowd was mostly seated up near the said stage, he was able to find a couch by the farthest corner.

Opening the menu, he scans it while waiting for a crew. Soon, there was a waiter by his table “Uhm, I’ll have this pizza here and the blueberry tea please.”

“You’re that guy from the hospital!” Jae jumps at the deep exclamation. Tilting his head up he found a tall boy with looks not matching the voice he just heard “With Wonpil-hyung!”

Something heavy fills his lungs making him trail off “Won- _pil_?”

_Ah the I.D. owner…wait what hospital? When?_

Before he could ask these question however, he jumps again when a loud smack resounded from behind the beaming waiter then another guy was there –broader and more filled than the waiter “Dowoon, don’t bother customers.”

The guy, Dowoon apparently, rubs the abused arm, whining cutely “But Sungjin-hyung!”

The other guy, Sungjin, simply narrows his eyes at the younger man before eyeing him then bowing a little “Sorry for that. And I’m glad you’re all better now.”

“Thanks,” he says unsure. _Do I know them?_ “I guess?”

Sungjin smiles pleasantly at him “Did he take your order already?”

In return, Jae distractedly nods, not knowing if he should find the whole ordeal amusing or confusing. Or confusingly amusing.

The older man nods his head then pinches the neck of the young waiter’s clothing “We’ll leave you be.”

“Hyung, don’t pull my shirt!”

Gaping, Jae can only watch as they left bickering. Then Sungjin stops and peers over his shoulder and says “Wonpil will be out in a few.” before continuing on their journey.

“Huh?”

**[19:03] Me:** Bri

 **[19:03] Me:** I just had

 **[19:03] Me:** the weirdest

 **[19:04] Me:** encounter

 **[19:04] Me:** theyre cool tho

 **[19:04] Me:** i guess

**[19:05] bribro:** will u ever finish a thought first b4 hitting send

 **[19:05] bribro:** it keeps on beeping man ayeon’s eyeing me

**[19:05] Me:** fgd

 **[19:05] Me:** hdsdgh

 **[19:06] Me:** sdhshdfh

 **[19:06] Me:** heh

**[19:06] bribro:** beach

Before he could reply, his order was served- this time by woman with plump cheeks and round eyes who had a little boy with an equally plump cheeks and round eyes attached to her skirt. Nayeon, her name tag reads, smiles brightly at him as she was settling the tray.

“Oh!” She exclaims after arranging his order and it catches his attention. Curious, he watches as the woman bends down to the little boy and says “Uncle Piri will be playing now. Go take your sit at the front Kookie.”

_Uncle…Piri?_

Goosebumps rose, covering his whole body and Jae swallows a little as he watched the boy ran towards the front with an enthused grin. As though she didn’t catch him eavesdropping, Nayeon whispers to him “Enjoy the show.” before sauntering away with a bounce.

Not knowing the root cause of his nerves, he takes a sip of his blueberry tea and struggled to find his appetite despite the luscious display in front of him – _What’s wrong with me?_ After a few minutes of debate and a growl of complaint from his empty stomach, he lifts a piece and munches on.

“Oh that’s good.” He moaned, thanking the heavens he was alive long enough to have a taste of what he was having. Just as he was finishing his second slice, a petite man walks to the stage and waves to where he thinks ‘Kookie’ was and the crowd cheers as the man smiles to them.

That’s probably the guy. _He looks nice-_

“Good evening everyone.” Jae’s train of thought screeched to a halt as soon as he talked. Something about the way he speaks, the way he sounds was tickling him. _Why?_ “The first song is dedicated to me.” The man jokes, but Jae couldn’t join in on the laugh he heard the crowd was sharing with this ‘Wonpil’ because his senses was zeroed in on the man sitting on the stool, disarming eye-smile, toothy grin and a _goddamned laugh_ that’s too similar with the one he keeps on repeating in his mind after another day of not knowing how to begin his search.

“We missed you, Piri!”

_Piri_

_Uncle Piri_

_“Piri-hyung!”_

The man vibrates at the loud cheers as he sets his fingers on the keys then with one breath taking moment, Jae’s world halts and he finds himself standing numb, because he _giggles_ again and matching the crowd’s excitement he squeals, cheeks puffed up and nose scrunched cutely “ _Eung_!" Jae staggers "I’m just kidding. This one’s for all of you. I hope you’ll enjoy my rendition.”

_“Hmph, I can't believe I'm telling you this but it's a must know that bunny-hyung sings and plays the piano! He’s amazing!”_

_I found you._

Wonpil closes his eyes as he begins the piece. His fingers - _the ones that intertwines with his to guide him_ \- fluid and elegantly dances on the keys for the intro, then he sings. Jae felt the back of his eyes burn, remembering the afternoons he pretends to sleep so he could hear the man sing instead of just humming under his breath.

_A dangerous plan, just this time_

_A stranger's hand clutched in mine_

_I'll take this chance, so call me blind_

_“Jae…hyung?”_ It’s been so long, when his hospital room door opened and his blind eyes couldn’t see the hesitant steps of who he then thought was Wonshik.

_I've been waiting all my life_

_Please don't scar this young heart_

_Just take my hand_

_"_ Look at me. I’m right here." Jae screams inside, taking another unconscious step closer but still feeling like he was too far.

_I was made for loving you_

_Even though we may be hopeless hearts just passing through_

_Every bone screaming, I don't know what we should do._

_“Goodnight.”_ were his last words before he disappeared and Jae understood as soon as he saw Wonshik enter his room, that that was most likely his goodbye. A goodbye he refuses to accept. 

_All I know is, darling, I was made for loving you._

_I see you._

“Sir-“ The deep voice slips through his fogged head, a tentative hand on his shoulder. Startled awake he turns to the waiter from earlier “Are you okay -woah why are you crying?”

“Nothing, sorry.” Jae laughs to himself and wipes his eyes. Then smiling like an idiot he asks Dowoon “What time does Wonpil leaves?”

_Wonpil._

**_Wonpil._ **

_God, to have a name and a face to match the heart that heard him._ _I feel breathless._

The younger man eyes him worriedly “Until closing. Do you need to tell him something urgent?”

“I’ll just wait for him then. Thank you.” Dowoon tilts his head to the side not unlike Jaedong when he is confused with the human ways but Jae's mind was running too fast for him to think about something else that isn't the man serenading the crowd. “And uhm, please don’t mention me to him. I have a surprise for him.”

* * *

**KWP**

“Have fun hyung!” Dowoon bursts out, body vibrating with excessive excitement. Excitement he doesn’t know where was rooted from. Wonpil raised a suspicious eyebrow but finished packing his bag before questioning “With what?”

“Just-“ Dowoon giggles that earns a swift slap –which went unnoticed- from a passing Sungjin “go see for yourself.”

“Whatever, Dowoon.” He laughs a little before waving goodbye to everyone “I’ll see you guys tomorrow.”

The night air was crisp and the streets was still bustling despite the late hour. “Jae’s birthday is on September.” he hums mindlessly as he lose himself in memories. Wonshik had told him that Jae was fully healed and was set to graduate his masters degree soon and they have closed the chapter of their relationship on a good note. He knows what his twin was insinuating but with a small, still guilty smile, he shakes his head and nods with finality “He’ll be happier without knowing I exist.”

Like every night after leaving Jae, he spent his walk home counting the stars, wondering if there was an alternative universe where Jae and he could meet in a more desirable situation. In a time where everything is right, and loving each other was just their daily routine. “But he doesn’t know who I am.” He laughs to himself, getting better at not tearing up upon remembering the man. As he takes the last step up his floor, where his apartment was the first door, he stops short and he was lost as to what was happening - _Is this a dream?-_ because standing there nonchalant, his hands laced together, in front of his door was Jae, eyes closed as though enjoying the way the breeze was brushing his hair.

Half a mind wanting to run away while the other half wanting to stay and admire the view just for a few more selfish moments, Wonpil takes in a silent ragged breath but it snaps Jae out of his peace and turns to him. Wonpil, who was stuck on his place as he was pinned by the eyes he could never forget, struggled to say anything.

“Kim Wonpil?”

_That's my name. How-?_ Malfunctioning and already feeling his eyes burn and his breath hitching, Wonpil unconsciously rubs his arm and takes a tiny step back when Jae approaches “Yes?”

“Jaedong found this.” Jae says, pulling his employee I.D. from his jacket’s pocket and offers it to him with a smile. Wonpil shamelessly stared at the way his lips curved up.

_I missed you. I miss you, Jae._

“Jaedong…who's Jaedong?” Wonpil croaks out the lie, throat already closing on him. Jae was so close. He was in front of him, smiling that smile of his, eyes _seeing_ behind his glasses, voice soft and lulling and he still wants it. Wonpil still _wants_. With difficulty, as he reaches for the item, he whispers “You didn’t have to bring it back.”

_God, get a grip, he might think you’re crazy or something._

Wonpil holds his I.D. with his trembling hands remembering just this morning when he was moping and daydreaming at his secret place at the park when Jaedong out of nowhere bumps into his legs. Surprised, he tears up and ruffles the dog’s fur, who in return excitedly wags his tail and receives the affection greedily. Then with dizzying speed, it dawns to him that since Jaedong was there, Jae would be near. Not that he needed to run from the man, after all he doesn’t know anything - _he doesn’t know me_ \- but it was more to save himself _-from the heartache and memories._ So with great reluctance, he stood up and says his goodbyes to Jaedong. But the dog was uncharacteristically naughty and bit his sleeves. Shocked, he stumbles a little and his tote bag fell and maybe, when he frantically took off running after Jaedong left heeding Jae’s familiar call, he didn’t notice that he left his I.D.

-

_“I thought you favoured me, Dong.”_

_Jae grins wicked, pushing his face_ _to his “He does, that’s why he is helping me find you.”_

_-_

_Why am I remembering this now?_

“I was supposed to give it back to you at the restaurant but it got too late so I opted to go here instead and- _Are you crying_?”

“No,” He sniffles at hearing those words – _Jae doesn’t know, does he?-_ then laughing in embarrassment when his tears continued to fall “I’m not. Why would I- and over an I.D.-“ Wonpil chokes on his next words, heart pounding in his ears and eyes filling up again, because Jae was gazing at him the way he always does back when he was still blind. Jae was seeing him for the first time but it felt like Wonpil was the one blind all along.

“These are tears though.” Jae observes, voice low and meaningful, his fingers tenderly brushing his tears away “Have you been crying without me, _you crybaby_?”

Wonpil felt his face pinch, every pet name Jae used with him before echoing in his mind, flooding him until he couldn't bear it anymore. “No- _Jae-_ “ He protests weakly, taking another tiny step back when he felt the taller man gather him in his arms and everything became blurred after that. His eyes unable to hold the tears, his chest hurt with longing and despite selfishly relishing the feel of Jae's warm presence embracing him again _-I missed you so much. So much it still hurts-_ he still repeats his broken protests “No- _no-_ “

_I don’t deserve any of this. I can’t._

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. Shh.” Jae promises as he pulls away to face him. And through his tears he sees Jae’s wide smile, it almost hurt to look at it and his eyes were closed in crescents, pushing down his own tears. Wonpil cries harder from the sight. “I’m here. I miss you.”

Jae cups his face and caresses his cheeks while Wonpil struggled to catch his own breath, his heart still stuck in his throat disabling him from speaking coherently. After registering the breathy laugh Jae let out at his state of mess, he was able to take note of Jae admiring him -his eyes everywhere, roaming his face without shame and speaking loud and clear- and it had Wonpil shake with brand new tears, tears that mingles with Jae’s when he pressed his mouth on his, their cheeks brushing against each other. Overwhelmed and weak-in-the-knees, Wonpil steadies himself by Jae's arms, hands clenching the sleeves of his jacket tight.

“I see you, _love_. You’re here-” Jae whispers when they broke apart. Soon, Wonpil lets his eyes flutter close -savoring- because he feels those familiar lips brushing against his forehead mouthing the very same words he longed was for him - _and it was, ever since_ “-and I’m with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And it's done!
> 
> Please share your thoughts? Hekhek.
> 
> Thank you for reading and staying until the end! 💖💖💖
> 
> You may now proceed to the epilogue. I'll scream there 😂
> 
> my [CC](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)


	9. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Timeskip~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You have reached the true (?) end. Please know that I am beyond thankful. 😭 
> 
> I enjoyed writing this! Although me and my friend did struggle a lot at the beginning HAHA but reading your comments really helped us alot. Truly grateful. 🥰
> 
> HAHA n e ways ksjslshskshs enjoy? 💞

_Months later~_

Jae groans and rolls to his side, turning away from the warm light streaming from his bedroom window. When it dawned to him that he was alone, he reluctantly rubs his eyes as they blink and scans the room. The digital clock on his bedside table was blinking back at him, 6:53.

Too early. He thought but not without a lazy grin. Reaching under his pillow, he pulls out his walkie-talkie and clicks.

“ _Wonpillie~_ too early, come back to bed.”

He received no reply, but he can hear the nearing faint footsteps from beyond the door and soon, it was gently opened revealing the petite man drowning in a too big for him tee.

“You stole my shirt again.” Sitting up, Jae hides a snicker at seeing the other man limp a little as he walked towards him.

Wonpil rolls his eyes in jest probably reading his amusement and raises an elegant eyebrow at him “And you aren't wearing any shirt still”

“Don't need and as if you haven't saw any of this before.”

He huffs, catching the jab at that one episode when Jae was still blind and he saw him straight from the shower and him getting flustered over it.

“Aw don't be upset, come on you warm me better than anything else.” Jae wiggles his eyebrow at him. 

“Disgusting.” he spats playfully “Jaedong has all your rational braincells” but upon seeing Jae spread his arms wide at him he accepts the silent invitation, throwing his phone on his side of the bed.

Jae's mouth curls pleasantly when he crawls to the bed and automatically adjusts his legs so that he was straddling him comfortably. After that, they meet gazes and laughs at their stupid exchange so early in the morning.

“Good morning,” Jae beams, stealing a peck.

Wonpil's eyes fondly crinkle shut before stealing a kiss for his own “Good morning, Jae.”

Jae snuggles to his neck like the little boy he was and pouts “I'm sorry for not joining you yesterday at lunch, Ms. Im likes to extend classes until well over break. I'll try to hurry out later.”

“And I told you,” he begins, ruffling the hair tickling his nose “its fine.” he reassures brightly, squeezing the hand lazing on his bare thighs "it’s only my first day, we'll have other times.”

Jae grins, almost vibrating in excitement when he pulls up “And soon we'll have the same classes too! Well just some, but still!”

Wonpil nods beaming in equal enthusiasm then it simmered down to a solemn hesitant tone “I'm really-“

The taller man sneaks a hand under his shirt cutting him off and presses it on his back so that they were chest to chest “Piri, its okay. You're worth more to me than the few bills you borrowed.” Interrupting the protest he was about to say by pinching the skin of his waist, Wonpil glares a little at Jae’s cheeky smile “Not that I mind, I mean I did tell you I can be your not so rich but not borderline broke student sugar daddy.”

After they got together, Jae suggested if he wanted to take up the same program as him. Perking up at the offer, because he has been saving for how many years now for university, he was quick to take it into consideration. But since it was too risky to use all his savings –and absolutely not wanting to bother his brother although Wonshik was willing- Jae offered to cover some for him. Wonpil was reluctant of course but concedes with a blush when Jae explained _“Think of it as from our marriage fund or something.”_ Wonpil snorts at the statement again but hums in surrender. Then he remembers why he was out so early “Wonshik called, he’s somewhere in Europe now.”

Jae nods with a toothy grin, the hand on his back tracing his spine “That’s nice.”

They began to reconnect as brothers soon after Wonshik’s talk with Jae. And Wonpil couldn’t be happier to have that chance. And when Jae found him, Wonshik had smiled wide and with a little judging _“If you two had stop being stubborn, I could’ve had you two meet sooner.”_ Few months after that, Wonshik took a break from work and recklessly backpacked alone. _“I wanna experience firsthand the beauty of getting lost.”_

“Oh right.” Jae snaps him out from reminiscing “I dropped by Bob’s place yesterday after school, Sungjin-hyung said he can’t come with us, because Nayeon’s parents are visiting so Kookie can’t join too. But Dowoon promised to be there.”

“Dowoon huh?” Wonpil notes with delight, twisting a little to reach for his phone “Younghyun will be ecstatic to hear that.”

-

_“Woah man, I did think you were somehow related to Wonshik but to think you were twins?” Younghyun whistles, impressed._

_They were meeting again, in person, without the cloud of confusion and pleadings, at Sungjin’s restaurant to celebrate Younghyun getting accepted at the job he applied at. It would happen sooner than later anyways, he was staying in the country after all and they were friends now. Eyes glinting with mischief, Younghyun turns to his best friend with a dramatic head shake “You are one greedy man Jae.”_

_“Younghyun,” Wonpil lets out a small laugh when Jae drops his head on the table with a groan “shut up.”_

_Reaching over to him, Younghyun nudges Jae’s head “At least it's the nicer twin.”_

_“Honestly!” Jae shots up with a glare making the sharp-eyed man grin wider. "_ _Don't act smug. I've yet to forgive you for making Wonpil cry."_

_Upon hearing this, Wonpil pouts cutely and placates “Don’t be mean, Jae. He was understandably mad.” Jae gapes in a fake betrayed expression as_ _Younghyun stared wide-eyed at him. Then the latter coos “I knew I'll like him, he’s adorable.” Excitedly turning to where Dowoon was peacefully working, Younghyun confesses in jest “I like that cute boy too.”_

_Poor Dowoon freezes up before scrambling with his ears red._

_Interrupting their amusement, Wonpil hesitantly starts "But-" upon receiving their attention, he bows "I hope you find it in yourselves to give Wonshik a chance someday." His brother has after all developed a habit to apologize to them whenever they meet._

_Jae squeezes his thigh as Younghyun smiles adoringly "Of course. We must learn to forgive and heal too."_

_-_

“What are you doing?” Jae asks, peering at his phone’s screen.

“I’m informing them?”

“Them?” Jae squawks, snatching his phone and flips it over. Wonpil cracks a grin at seeing the defeat in Jae’s eyes “Through the GC still?”

The group chat was aptly named PJHPS™ because it consisted of people that treasures Jae. There they talk about whatever was happening with their lives, updates from Jae’s mother abroad, tons of spam from Younghyun and a lot of reminders from him, only rarely focusing on protecting Jae because he was usually the subject of clowning.

-

_“It’s Park Jaehyung Protection Squad!” Younghyun screams through the screen. It was before he came home permanently._

_Jae groans from beside him and Wonpil was wondering what’s wrong with it. Younghyun, who was unbothered, continues with an explanation “Auntie and Wonpil as your angels and me as-”_

_“The fucking devil.” Jae interrupts then with a heavy sigh “Brian what the fuck?”_

_“I was going for a valiant knight but meh what’s difference.” The other man laughs carelessly “And you as the honorary member!”_

_“It’s named after me and I’m only an honorary member?”_

_-_

“Why is he even interested in coming with us?” Jae grumbles. But after sneaking a glance at his phone as it was put down beside them, Jae did inform Younghyun still “He has work.”

“It’s your birthday!” He exclaims, then with a buzz he shares “And Seungminnie, among the other kids, is already excited that we’ll be bringing more people he can terrorize.”

Jae rolls his eyes good-naturedly “As if he’ll replace me.”

They did make good of their promise with Seungmin, visiting as soon as they could after they had settled everything between them. And Seungmin, despite claiming Wonpil as his favorite hyung, hugged Jae first-- after he delivered a swift kick to his shin that is.

As fond memories fill him, Wonpil wraps his arms around Jae's neck. He buries a hand in his hair and plays with them, staring at those eyes smiling at him. Heart fluttering and unable to help it, he dives in and steals more than just a smooch.

Not at all surprised, Jae fully wraps his arm that was under his shirt while the other he gently fists his hair.

Passionate but unhurried, they alternate between closed lip kisses and deep meetings of their tongues. The warm hand tracing the line of his spine stimulating goose bumps on his skin as the other hand continues to ruffle his hair in delicate affection. Wonpil’s own hand making a meticulous mess on Jae's bed head, knowing that Jae likes his hair being played with, while his other arm was thrown over the broad shoulder keeping him up and steady.

When their chests start to burn, they take lungful of oxygen, but before Wonpil could recover, Jae cradles his head to the side and attacks the underside of his jaw with open mouth kisses and travels down to his neck until it reaches the skin where the shirt slid down from his shoulder. Welcoming them, Wonpil tilts his head more in invitation. Eyes closed and mewling at the deep ones he felt, he grips Jae's hair a tad tighter and rakes on the bare skin his fingers could freely travel on. Humming in delight, Jae leans up and attaches his mouth on his again persuading him in another battle.

A little later, before it got too heated and uncontrollable - something they can't afford at the moment- Jae breaks them apart but not without a teasing pull on his bottom lip. He murmurs soon after, voice hoarse and ragged “Are you trying to seduce me when it's just hours away before our first class?”

Wonpil nips on the skin of Jae’s neck making the taller man groan, his chest rumbling under his palm. Mischievous grin in place, he pulls away and teases with a coy expression “Says the man who woke up in the wee hours earlier after saying few nights ago that we shouldn't have sex on school or work nights.”

Jae gasps in mock horror earning a giggle from him. Then grinning boyish and pure of mischief, Jae asks as though in awe “Who said that? Definitely not me but woah love, that's some brave rule breaking thing they did.”

He smacks Jae's arm but chuckles nonetheless “Stop boosting your own ego, your head is already big enough”

“Is it now?” Jae states with his eyebrow wiggling suggestively.

Wonpil bites his lips in a futile attempt to not give in and guffaw. But he did anyways, with his whole chest and shoulders shaking in amusement “That was a stupid. You're stupid.” He was expecting Jae to laugh too, but upon settling, all he finds was Jae gaze solely on him, tender and thoughtful. Shivering involuntarily when he recognized what it was, Wonpil nervously points it out “You're marveling again.”

“I am,” Jae agrees easily, eyes fond. As his arm squeezed his torso, Jae pulls him closer by the head for another kiss. This one was slower, softer but equally if not more fervent than the last. Wonpil replies with equal intensity, stretching up to line the length of his upper body against Jae's broad form and massaging the scalp under his fingers.

He jumps a little when Jae's finger tickles him by accident but doesn't pull away. They're mouths remained together only detaching to take a breath or two but other than that they kept on dancing to their own rhythm, tongues taking their time making love uninterrupted.

Whining a little when they broke apart, Wonpil unconsciously pouts, earning a breathy laugh from Jae who wipes his still pouting mouth out of habit. “Can't get enough?”

“I don't think I can,” Wonpil flirts back.

“Me too,” Jae nods serious then, that certain shine in his gaze was back again.

“ _Eung.”_ Wonpil blushes, bashful. He can never not get flushed every time Jae's gaze becomes like this.

_“I just can't believe you're real, and you're with me.”_ Was what Jae said, when Wonpil asked after noticing it swimming in his eyes every now and then back when they first got together and Wonpil caught Jae staring at him for a beat too long than the other times he did.

Wonpil bites his lower lip in thought and blinks awake when Jae swiftly presses his mouth on his “What is it?”

“I can't believe you're real too,” Wonpil begins, too shy to meet Jae's widening eyes then when it got too much, he buries his burning face on Jae's shoulder and mouths on his skin instead “And you're with me.”

Jae chuckles but not in a mocking way and hugs him tighter. Brushing his hair away from his closest temple and ear, Jae presses his mouth there and whispers “Thank you for staying.”

Wonpil squeaks but sincerely whispers back “Thank you for finding me.” and with that he squeezes his head closer against Jae's neck, adamant to hide his face from him lest he cries from yet again feeling overwhelmed at having someone who wants him because he is him. But when a finger scratches the skin under his ear, he did not resist the hand that soon coaxes his face away from its hiding place. Wonpil stares a little teary at the glimmering eyes adoring him. The hand on his back caressing his skin without care.

After beats of just them existing together in that very moment, as though remembering what they have been so far, they simultaneously bubble in peals of laughter, heads shaking at being stupidly in love with each other.

Although they have the rest of their lives to be more stupidly in love with one another it's not bad to be emotional about it every now and then. And as the digital clock passes another minute, matching the bracelets embracing their wrists, the glinting band on their ring fingers greets the rising sun.

-

_“I have something for you.” Jae fumbles for his pockets when they had finished crying and was in the safety of Wonpil’s apartment. He pulls out a sizeable box and opens it, revealing a silver bracelet. Carefully taking his hand, Jae puts it on him “I knew it would fit.”_

_“You knew?” Wonpil murmurs -admiring the jewelry and noticing a matching one on Jae’s- then he lifts his stare and seeing the widening of Jae’s eyes betrayed to Wonpil that he understood what he meant “How long?”_

_“Since Jaedong came home,” Jae shares, gaze soft but determined “You have every right to be angry at me but hear me out, please.” Nodding, Wonpil keeps his eyes on Jae, watching the way his eyes would blink, his mouth curling and curving delicately as he rambles on “I planned to tell you sooner but- but you calmed my storm and I got selfish and with it I feared that if I let you know, you’d distance yourself from me or worse, you disappear. There were times I said 'fuck it and tell you' because you’ve been crying, you were sad and I didn’t want that for you but one thing or the other kept on interrupting me and-“_

_Incredibly endeared, Wonpil smiles, making Jae trail off and as he does so, he took advantage of it and cups Jae’s face to press his mouth against his frozen ones. Pulling away, but not by much, Wonpil rests Jae’s forehead on his._

_“You kissed me," Jae whispers in awe against his lips._

_Wonpil leans a little further away to meet his eyes and questions “Is that new?”_

_Jae sheepishly grins, hands lifting to hold his wrists “It’s the first time you kissed me.”_

_“Are you blushing?” Wonpil teases and it elicits a nervous huff from Jae. While caressing the skin of his cheeks, Wonpil reassures “I’m not mad, Jae. I understand and we can talk about it some other time.” When he sees the guilt in his expression, he hurries to add “There’s nothing to forgive you too."_

_“We can take our time.” The taller man sighs, squeezing his wrists and Wonpil silently watched Jae’s eyes flutter close when he turns his head a little to kiss his pulse point. He intently listens as Jae confesses “I feel like I know you, yet I don’t. I know how you taste like, I know how your fingers fit in mine, I know the lines around your eyes but I think I have yet to meet Kim Wonpil.” With a meaningful opening and meeting of their eyes, Jae wonders “Will you let me?”_

_“I’m here now, Jae.” Wonpil promises, stealing another kiss while a wayward tear escapes “We’re here. Together.”_

_“We are.” Jae agrees and pecks his lips. “And by the way, I’m Park Jaehyung.”_

_Eyes sparkling, Wonpil giggles catching the glint in Jae’s eyes “I’m Kim Wonpil.” and he seals their mouths together, their promise along with it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU SOOOOOOOOOO MUCH! 💕💕💕
> 
> You guys? D BEST! 🤩
> 
> Share with me your thoughts?
> 
> But anyways, thank you again 😭❣️ until my next story! 🤗😍
> 
> Stay healthy and take care of yourselves, okay? 💖
> 
> p.s. Are they married though? 🤔🤣

**Author's Note:**

> i just wanted jaepil with domestic fluff and shiz idk what happened hahaha
> 
> Anyways, thank you today, thank you again, thank you always.  
> kudos, comments and bookmarks makes my day but just you, reading this fills my heart with uwu  
>    
> [CC](https://curiouscat.me/potatooneandtwo)


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